Stepping Stones Into My Mind

Oscar Martinez. XIX (9/26) Living in SoCal, North Hollywood. Movies and music are life. Photographer and Director. Follow both my instagram: Movieoscar and photo_scar Twitter: @movieosc 

[movieoscar]

My life at the moment

So like my ex now and I broke up a month ago for lots of reasons. One of the many was me lying to her. And I just want her back. Like at the time I said I was okay with it, but ever since learning she started to talk to this guy it’s just made me feel dead inside. Like I know fucked up and I tried fighting for her cause I’m ready now and just miss her. She was my gf and best friend for the last 5 years. And I’m trying to get over this breakup but it just hurts. And I know this hurt I’m feeling I gave to her times a million and so it’s just karma, but I want to fix things with her. I had plans to hangout with some friends but they got called into work so thats understandable but lame. I tried going hiking and lyft couldn’t find me a ride and then I asked my ex if I could just hangout with her cause on my days off I’d spend them with her and cause she said we’d be friends and she’d be there for me to talk and I do want to talk, but she doesn’t which is understandable, but like it sucks cause I just want to hangout with someone cool to distract me. And I was so used to doing things on my day off it feels weird not doing anything and just staying home. I just feel more lonely than usual. Lonely like when I used to be single. I did everything alone before her and now it just doesn’t feel right. I can’t hangout with friends cause they’re all busy and work so it’s not their fault. I’ve done so much self reflecting in a week my mentality can’t take it anymore. I thought I’d understand, but I just can’t.

[movieoscar]

Story time!

So ever since I’ve gotten promoted at work to supervisor I’m usually the one to deal with customers. And since this whole pandemic we have a limit on certain items and I’m pretty sure we’re not the only store. 

Anyways, this lady came to the register (today was our load day mind you) and had like 6 bottles of Lysol spray, and my coworker who was on the register called to me because I was there by the front stocking our shelves up. As I’m walking behind the register she points and asks me, “it’s only 2 right?” and I see the bottles and right away I tell this lady, “I’m sorry, but at the moment we can only sell you 2 bottles.” and I was sincere about it, but also questioning this ladies ability to think she can just come in here and buy that many. 

As soon as I finished talking she rudely told me, “There’s no sign back there” and in my head I was like I’m pretty sure we do because in our detergent isle where she got the bottles we have FOUR SIGNS saying certain items are limited. I could’ve walked her over to show her WHERE the sign is, but I was like nah fuck this bitch gonna tell her white ass NO. And as I repeat to her we can sell her more than 2 she just keeps repeating “There’s no sign” over and over and over and over and over like a fucking idiot. 

My blood started boiling from her being a rude fucking cunt and I was literally ready to choke this bitch out from her stupidity. And finally I was like sorry nothing we can do. And then I ask so are you gonna buy just the 2? And she says “yes, but you should have a sign” And I was like if she says that shit one time I’m gonna snap so I left and I could still hear her becasue she was like 7ft away telling my coworker she’s sorry that she got mad and yada yada yada. And in my head I’m just like, BITCH APOLOGIZE TO ME! Fucking pussy ass bitch can’t tell me sorry for her stupid behavior. 

But yeah that was my day. It’s usually my fucking day. Dealing with stupid retarded unappreciated people buying unessential shit during this pandemic.

[movieoscar]

Man this is like the only place my girlfriend doesn’t follow me so I can vent how I feel because I don’t really have friends who are actually willing to hear my problems because they probably have their own problems and I don’t need to burden them with my mine.

And Like I’ve got no one else to vent to and I’m here drunk and sad and mad because I was super excited to see my girlfriend after work even though you know the whole quarantine and all. Any ways I when I got to her car I could tell she was tired and then she just started lashing out at me because she’s moving into a new house and I haven’t gone because I haven’t had time and when I did I was super tired from work and didn’t want to go or because I had other duties to do. And I went from being happy to just sad.

And then she went on on how she was excited to share the progress of how her and her family were fixing the house to right now, but I couldn’t cause of my schedule and being tired. And it sucks cause she just chose not to ask me if I wanted to go any other day on my day off when I could’ve gone. Like I could’ve just gone myself without her asking, but I always feel like I’m intruding on her family even though I know they like me. Like I don’t know. It’s all just confusing to me. She never tells me things on how she really feels and just lets it build up and then just pours it all on me when I’m in a good mood and shit just brings me down. And now we’re in a fight at least I think we are. I love her the shit out of her, but sometimes it feels like I’m not doing enough even though she tells me I am, but it doesn’t feel like it. If anyone has read this far just ignore this. I probably will get over it in a couple of days. Idk :/

[movieoscar]

It’s been a minute on here

[sorreleater]

honestly some of y’all want a significant other so badly and can’t understand why you can’t find one, but have no sense of boundaries or healthy expectations of what a relationship is like. in a committed long-term partnership you get left on read, you wait for texts back, and you can forget about each other when you’re busy. sometimes you fall asleep without saying goodnight and sometimes you’re too caught up to text each other before 6pm. that’s how it is. thinking that you can’t be deeply, beautifully in love and still wait more than “1.75 hours” for a text back is such an unhealthy and unreasonable expectation of what love is, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t allow the other person to exist on their own apart from you. if you’re projecting your anxieties and insecurities onto a partner who doesn’t even exist yet, then you aren’t ready for one.

[pglang]

this year is personal, its really me vs me.

[movieoscar]

Me for the last 3years

[too-cool-for-facebook]

[venusmacabre-deactivated2019053]

Is it a common broke/poor thing to see expensive shit and immediately think of just how many lunches you could buy with that money?

[abstractobject]

A rich person: this thing only cost 100 bucks

Me: …..that’s many groceries

[teaboot]

“yeah I got a sweet deal on these” sir you paid food for those shoes

[dyscomancer]

At this point there’s no excuse for a baby boomer to be technologically incompetent anymore. It’s just willful ignorance, this shit is not fucking hard

[dyscomancer]

“why is it asking for a password” because you’re logging into something martha, that’s how it’s been for the last 20 fucking years

“how do i do [x] can you show me” no dale you can Google it like the rest of us. it requires one exposure to the concept of googling to understand how it works. your generation was smart enough to cause a total economic collapse out of malice but not smart enough to type in a few words I guess

“im just not tech savvy” no you just refuse to learn because like in most things you are stuck in your ways

[dyscomancer]

the worst part is after you help an old fuck with some sort of tech bullshit 9 times out of 10 they’ll give you some kind of bullshit passive aggressive thank-you

like “oh i guess you young people have to know something about those phones you’re always on, huh?”

give me a fucking break gretchen i have depression from living in the economy you created and my phone is more of a reprieve than dealing with your stubborn inconsiderate ass

[dyscomancer]

AND ANOTHER THING that just gets my blood boiling is their ability to get into their settings, completely fuck things up, and then manage to develop total amnesia about how it happened

what do you mean you set your phone to japanese on accident, phil? there’s like 15 separate menus you have to navigate through to get there

“i think it’s because i got a virus” no greg it’s not a virus, the only viruses here are your rampant stupidity and the deadly pathogens carried by your unvaccinated grandchildren

[dyscomancer]

i just absolutely loathe that the people who decide if women should be executed for having abortions or not are the same people who can’t figure out how to work a blu-ray player with the instructions in front of them

[sick-intentions]

I just wanna be the girl of someone’s dreams ya know

[movieoscar]

Probably are and just dont know it

[ninthwardjawn-deactivated201902]

conversations in a parked car be intense as fuck.

[weavemama]

THIS IS SUCH MOTIVATION

[angel-likes-running]

my fave thing I’ve seen lately

[natural-lifters]

Goals af

[oishiiasfuck]

Remember that time all the Pokemon just ate good-ass looking food in the middle of the forest and got drunk.

[varrka-deactivated20170709]

bulbasaur’s gonna fuck some shit up

[pan-pizza]

The thing that got me excited the most in the Justice League Trailer was Rick and Morty was on a TV in the background. Also I guess Flash looked cool.

[sanjanasart]

Sunflowers painted with Dr Ph Martin’s Hydrus Liquid watercolours, on Bamboo mixed media paper. Special thanks to Cee-Roo for letting me use his track “I’m So Happy” :)

[sushinfood]

when they added the yellow i just about started crying

[513]

[strawb006]