men, if you absolutely MUST hit on strangers, here is how to be a gentleman instead of a creep:
never ask for her number. give her yours.
don’t try to get her to say she’ll call you. just say “i’d like it” or “i hope you will.”
NO TOUCHING. a handshake on parting if you’re really getting along, maybe. don’t linger.
brief, friendly eye contact to show you’re being forthright: good. staring into her soul like you think you’re a harlequin romance hero: fucking terrifying. you look like you’re working out a wine pairing for her liver.
give her compliments that are about her as a person, not her anatomy, and keep it g-rated. imagine there are kindergarteners watching. “you have a wonderful smile” = good. “daaaamn, looking fine” = bad. “nice tits” = *buzzer noise* *trap door opens* *machine noises and screams*
if she declines your number, you can set it down on a nearby surface if you think the refusal is pro forma, but don’t ever try to push it into her hand.
you may attempt to converse with her before offering your number. don’t be a phony, just make small talk.
don’t pretend you’re not hitting on her.
PERSONAL BUBBLE PERSONAL BUBBLE
if she doesn’t engage with your small talk, or gives off uncertain body language, or you can’t read her, back off. bring it to a polite close and go away, whether you leave your number or not.
if she does engage, be aware that she may simply be enjoying the social interaction without being sexually or romantically interested in you, and be okay with that. don’t pretend you’re okay with it. be okay with it.
you might make a friend instead of getting a date. do you realize how cool that is? it is very cool. friends are important. even hot friends who don’t want to date you are better than not making friends. accept this. embrace it. join the human race. rejoice.
even if everything goes pefectly, and she’s super duper into you, do NOT try to take her somewhere more private. it’s not that she doesn’t know her own mind, it’s that you don’t know her well enough to be sure everything’s copacetic.
and finally, don’t assume you’re always safe and women can’t hurt you. being an asshole is not a gendered trait. give yourself an out as well.
don’t do any of this if you’re in a position with leverage over her, whether you’re her coworker (you don’t have to be her superior to have leverage!), her dad’s golfing buddy, in a job that gives you more social clout (say, it’s a base town, you’re military and she’s a townie), or just her ride home. do not hit on women you have power over.
no, not even in that situation you’re thinking of. no exceptions.
no, not even if you’re head over heels in love and think she’s the One. get to know her as a person, and you might grow closer over time. but if you hit on her from a position of leverage, you are no gentleman.
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