As a trans man I can actually confirm that the misandry I've experienced has been no where near as life threatening as the misogyny I have experienced while being percieved as a woman or while having female genitalia!! And I pass as a good old American Fag!
In fact, the hugest and worst part about misandry is the self policing of masculinity. But I've fortunately realized I don't have to do that. It's stifling and mentally damaging. But the treatment for it is accepting that I can be myself. I'll lose friends for it but they're not good people if they judge me for not performing things that harm me.
Meanwhile the misogyny has lead to me being almost killed twice, oh! Sexually assaulted! Multiple times! Oh yknow! My dad and brothers don't show love to me despite me making effort to connect with them! I feel like I have to coddle men so they don't beat me while they verbally berate me! I don't have access to medical care or if I do I'm treated as hysterical! I've simultaneously been targeted for egg donation as a teenager but also have been told I can't remove my reproductive parts because the state sees me as a baby factory. Oh yknow. While I think about it I was constantly made to feel stupid by male colleagues WHILE outperforming them. Oh whats this? Being catcalled by grown ass men as a 12 year old. Having my medical and legal rights taken away in real time. Being called degrading names... countless micro-aggressions... we can talk about this for hours... the worst part is even passing as a man it never fucking leaves. This trauma will never leave. I will still be at the hands of this behavior in the future to. It will not leave me just because I have a blue flavored soul. I don't magically get to stop being affected by it.
But fuck thats not as bad as the shit thats happened to me while I've been percieved as a man! Such as being expected to hit another guy. Or oh paying for the date despite the girl being really rude to me. Oh or being expected to protect my feminine friends. Lets add being treated as a metrosexual on there as a fucking cake topper.
Ohhhh but at least I won't be drafted!! And fuck. I won't have to pay women to want to be with me because my personality is dogshit. Lets not fucking pretend which one I'd choose to experience every fucking day if I had to is hard. It's misandry. Misandry threatens my ego, not my fucking life. Everyday for so many women is a fucking battlefield full of mines and none of you motherfuckers will acknowledge it. Rape and violence are tools of war but we don't want to talk about the shit that goes on in the very place we live right under your noses. The violence doesn't fucking only exist in someones war. It exists in the foundations of american society. Draft this draft that when women are two bad mistakes away from having violence inflicted on them. Your favorite little draft argument is weak when you really start to acknowledge that the violence is fucking ingrained into us.
Being expected to be self sacrificing is something that is openly taught to men. However, every interaction, every moment as a women has an unspoken sacrifice of the body and mind that men cannot possibly fathom.
This isn't good. This isn't funny. You are bad at performing masculinity and thus you are not rewarded for it, and I genuinely feel bad that you feel this way. Misandry and misogyny are awful tools of oppression on the middle and lower class.
However expecting me to be like "oh misandry is the worst thing to ever happen to me" is fucking bullshit and privileged. One of these makes you miserable one of you murders you from the inside fucking out until it actually fucking happens in real life. Misandry only exists because of misogyny.
Sexism goes every fucking direction and this is not productive or a gotcha.
I'm disheartened that you are affected this much by these issues, HOWEVER in order to be better people we cannot dig ourselves out of the own hole we are put in. We have to help others dig. And maybe for you this means truly accepting that women and "feminists" are not your enemy. The people that are your enemy are the people that benefit from the structures that keep you fucking miserable. Which isn't necessarily the women that expect you to fill those oppressive gender roles but perhaps those that influence society to think this way so they can continue to gain.
Think of it this way, while I hate transphobes they're the symptom. They do not benefit from my oppression, however, the people that do sit in their nice little 1% tax bracket and make me the target so the masses don't turn on them.
OP I understand that you're hurting. And I want to acknowledge that. I genuinely do hope things get way way better for you, you deserve to be able to be happy.
HOWEVER, it is absolutely audacious to make this statement. Misandry is threatening to you because it causes you to lose socioeconomic status that you believe you are owed, that's understandable. It IS making you miserable. However it is not genuine to pretend that not having that status is comparable when women are the property and the product.
Both misandry and misogyny is bad. But we need to understand that what actual good Feminism is about (NOT Gender Essentialism Feminists or Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) is beneficial to men and people outside the binary. Women need to be free from misogyny before we can be free of misandry. And that means unpacking so much classism, racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, and yes sexism.
This is why I hate the term misandry too. Because it IS just misogyny. The critiques to men are truly the critiques on the expectations of women. But so many men cannot accept this, so they call it something else. It's not. It's misogyny being reflected back into you at the mirror. That is the intersectionality.
And I really really need you to understand that I know you are suffering under the patriarchy as a man. I feel empathy, I don't want that for you. It is damaging, and it is going to affect your mental health and hurt you. You have been wronged, you have been hurt, and that's not okay. It's not okay in the slightest. But I want you to think about who benefits from selling you on such a dangerous idea. Is it the manosphere that just wants your money? Is it Incel culture that wants you to be just as depressed and dangerous as them? Is it other men that want to make you feel bad so they feel better? Is it women because this is the only way they know how to seek and secure safety from men? Because those are all very very different intentions.
OP I want you to know that I only decided to reply to this bullshit because I read some other posts and see you're really struggling. I care for you as a human, however I don't care for your shitty views. I know that it seems that you want to seek understanding, and that's not evil or wrong. You deserve to be happy. And I'm sorry all this shitty stuff has happened to you. I really really want to urge you to talk to someone, really look into a therapist willing to talk to you about why feminism makes you defensive and unpack all this shit that's been forced onto you. I want you to stop seeing women as the threat because you're life is going to get so much more rich when you stop measuring the things you don't have as failures. You are not an object, you are not a tool, being "broken" doesn't mean you lose purpose. Being "broken" can in fact be super cool and metal as hell but only if you stop letting it define you. Its okay to be broken, but its not okay to hurt others with your sharp edges.
I care deeply for you, and men too, but not at the expense of women or any other person. I don't need to stop caring about women and other minorities to care about you too, but I do acknowledge sometimes I need to care about them louder because.
