🎀 @mrdaytonaa - Tumblr Blog

The pain i feel every single day is seriously so unbearable. I had a whole post written, well almost, and deleted it.

I noticed something today that made me recoil. Or, rather, I renoticed it.

I am so completely hollow inside, and fear the end of so many things.

I’m afraid of so many things. And literally can’t tell a single soul. I am devastatingly alone.

moldavite

sometimes i have a thought so mentally ill i can feel it fizzle in my skull

macrolit

“… we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.”

— 1Q84, Haruki Murakami

i wish i could kill myself but id just be really pissed if i went to hell, or worse, woke up

everyday feels like someone is throwing a handful of dirt on my coffin except im still alive

thinking about killing myself again, i just hate feeling the way i do & like there’s no one to go to

having no friends because people don’t understand you is a different type of loneliness

the sadness i feel inside is eating away at me once again, i have always know one day i would finally rot so thoroughly id waste away into nothingness.

i have tried for years to crawl my way out of this miserable feeling. every grueling lurch forward towards happiness was thwarted by someone or something who only saw the external packaging of someone who they believed to be naive and vulnerable. i tried to give the unworthy the benefit of the doubt & not give heed to warnings that were painted in electric colors cautioning me to retreat.

yet im angry at nobody, just myself. i just want to crawl into myself & vanish.

i never knew where to go from here but everytime i found a way- where will i go this time? who will i become this time?

#depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts