The Rewards of a Submissive
Much is written of submission on blogs and in chat rooms, and images abound of “submissives” and their so-called “Doms.” But what most BDSM sites and blogs present is entertainment, sexual titillation, and at times outright coercion and abuse rather than an exploration of genuine submission and the amazing rewards it can bring to a Dominant. Earning the submission of another human being is a process that takes patience, dedication, concern, love, empathy, listening skills, and above all, integrity. But if or when it happens, the feeling is indescribable.
Submission is earned; it is neither coerced nor manipulated. And to be meaningful for me, it must come from a woman whom I unreservedly revere and admire. The greater her will, intellect, artistic ability, grace, kindness and beauty, the greater the reward of earning her submission. To that end, earning the submission of such a woman is not the end state but rather just the beginning, because I want more; more of her, all of her. And to do that, she must be allowed to grow to her full potential, which means giving her the space and encouragement to be everything she is capable of being. She is the gift. The better and more whole she is, the more precious the gift to me.
Therefor, to my way of thinking, a submissive is not a slave; quite the opposite. She is a free being who has chosen of her own will to give herself unreservedly to me. Catching a hummingbird in a net just feels mean spirited and destructive. Having that same hummingbird land on your fingertip of its own accord is a soaring experience. So it is for me with a woman’s submission.
There are many women (and men) who are sufficiently insecure that they will throw themselves at the feet of a Dom for mere acceptance and the illusion of love. This is not submission it is desperation. In it, there is little reward for a Dom beyond pity and satisfying their own broken wing syndrome…rescuing. This is not submission; it is codependence and is vastly unhealthy for all involved.
But, when a would-be Dom can reach into the mind of a confident, well read, intelligent and capable woman, captivating her imagination and earning her respect and adoration, magic happens! When she bends her knees of her own accord, when you see the look of adoration in her eyes, when she unreservedly gives you her heart, mind, and soul; pure magic!
BDSM, S/M, and D/s imagery focuses most on the physical manifestations of power exchange. This is only natural…it is what the camera sees best. Only the occasional image adequately begins to convey the strength and beauty of the spiritual and emotional bond between a submissive and her Dominant. But when it does, it is a special picture and genuinely stands out. Usually the devotion shows first in the eyes and secondarily in the postures of the Dom and/or his submissive. Feelings are so difficult to capture in an image and yet they are the essence of D/s.
In real life, the reward of submission for me is 90 percent mental, spiritual and emotional. When the bond is strong and the challenge of successfully leading a submissive is great, my heart and mind become immersed in the relationship and how to make it stronger and more fulfilling for both of us. My brain is fully engaged. My imagination is energized. My heart beats stronger. I want to be a better man and a better Dominant…every day. I want to be all that I possibly can and in so doing inspire and motivate my submissive to strive for her full potential.
D/s between a healthy and confidant man and woman (or any combination of the sexes) can be an immensely positive relationship. Far from the dark imagery of floggings and physical challenges, it is a spiritually uplifting experience. And with that spiritual bond firmly established between Dom and sub, the bodies have no choice but to follow. With the combination of mutual devotion, trust and adoration, comes an environment where all physical experiences and rewards become possible. In that secure space that we create and nurture between us we can indulge in the physical, dance in the darkness, and explore the power exchange in all of its physical manifestations.
To the submissive - Give your heart, your mind, and your soul to the right Dom and he will give you physical and emotional sensations unimaginable.
To the Dom - Lead genuinely with your heart and mind and the body will follow.
Caption © For the Love of A Submissive, 2012
Originally published on July 10, 2012
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