Sometimes, Things are Hard
Living with bipolar disorder is hard.
Living with bipolar disorder while pregnant is harder.
Living with bipolar disorder while pregnat and caring for young children is even harder.
Living with bipolar disorder while pregnant and caring for multiple young children during a stay at home order and worldwide pandemic is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have been living with bipolar disorder and recieving quality treatment for nearly six years. I thought being bipola was hard, then being pregnant with it was hard, then being pregnant with small children with it was hard, well now I am having to care for young children while pregnant during a worldwide pandemic and stay at home order with it. Things just seem to keep getting harder.
Part of me has been wondering if I am truly getting better because I have had more issues lately than I have had in a very long time, but talking to my therapist and looking at how my life has changed in six years, I realized that even a neurotypical would be struggling emotionally at this time in the same situations.
Right now, there is no real way to take a break. Right now there is no way to get any sort of tangible outside support. Right now we are all isolated to ourselves and our immediate families. It is harder for everyone.
I am grateful for the ability to have virtual support.
Being able to still talk with my therapist and doctor’s to ensure that I get the needed medicines is such a blessing.
Being able to video call family and friends and be able to have virtual Bible studies and church is a huge blessing.
But, when you struggle with an illness that one of the main ways to cope is cut off from you, it is still difficult.
The main thing that I have been told the past six years is to be sure to take breaks for myself. Real breaks. Breaks away from everyone and all responsibilities. Not grocery shopping alone. Not cooking alone. Not taking a shower and hoping someone doesn’t enter. Not hiding in a room with the door closed for a virtual doctor’s appointment ignoring the fights beyond the door.
True quality alone time with myself and God to recharge. That that is the number one thing I can do to help my mental health and best care for my family.
How is one to care for others when you can’t even care for yourself properly?
Six years ago I wouldn’t have been able to do this. I have come a long way in my abilities to cope, and I need to understand and remember that some situations are just plain hard and anyone in them will struggle.
Getting better isn’t about coping perfectly all the time. It is about recognizing your failings and doing better next time. it is about acknowledging when you are in the wrong and taking responsibility for those instances.
I have grown so much in all these areas, and I need to extend myself grace and know that this is hard, that this may not get better for a while, and that learning to cope without outside support and breaks is necessary.
But, luckily, I am not alone in these feelings. I'm not the first to express such difficulty in overcoming issues of the flesh. Praise the Lord, that there is insight, even into something such as this, revealed in His word.
