todays bird
#extradirty
Cosmic Funnies
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hello vonnie
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
@theartofmadeline
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ojovivo
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
cherry valley forever
tannertan36
Andulka
PR's Tumblrdome
noise dept.
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oozey mess
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Origami Around
Janaina Medeiros
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@mrsubstitute
Double Digits
(4th grade)
Ashley: (demanding) “Where were you yesterday?!”
Mr. Substitute: (caught off guard) “Oh, uh, I was teaching at a different school. Why?”
Ashley: “You missed my birthday. (proudly) “I’m 10!”
Mr. Substitute: “Awww… Happy Birthday! Wow, 10?! Double digits!”
Ashley: (beaming) “I know!”
Mr. Substitute: “Did you do anything exciting?”
Ashley: “Well, my mom says that I (makes air quotes) 'bought the whole store' at the Dollar Tree.“
North American
(8th Grade) Deon: "Mr. C., Jaronn is being racist. He's pretending he's African…" Jaronn: "My man... I AM African. Look at my skin!" Deon: "Yeah, but you're North American!" #Details
Swallowed a Rock
(5th Grade) Chad: "This one time I swallowed a limestone rock this big (makes a circle about the size of a half-dollar with his fingers)... Me: "Wow, that's crazy! How did that happen?" Chad: (shrugs) "I was one years old. I don't what what I was thinking."
Subtle Cheating
(8th Grade) (The students are assigned a packet, which is to be completed quietly and independently in class for a grade. Maurey whispers something softly to Sean, the boy next to him, and waits expectantly for a subtle response...) Sean: (missing the point) "What? I can't hear you, dude, speak up!" Maurey: (no longer whispering) "That's 'cause I'm askin' you for an answer, idiot!"
Gingerbread Boy
(Kindergarten)
(I’m asked to read a story - The Gingerbread Boy - to my class.
The kids listen intently as we follow the gingerbread boy on his wild adventure. They’re wide-eyed as the little old lady creates the boy, puts him in the oven, and checks back some time later to see if he’s done baking. The kids squeal as the oven door is opened and the boy jumps down to the kitchen floor, bolting through the living room and out the front door. They gasp with nervous delight as the boy-on-the-run evades a cow, a horse, farmers, mowers, and other townspeople, all attempting to chase after him with hungry appetites.
The gingerbread boy, with hungry savages licking their chops in tow, arrives at the edge of the river. He’s wondering how to get safely across when he meets a cunning fox, who offers the boy a ride across the river, pointing out that the boy won’t make it across without help; he’ll break up into soggy pieces if he doesn’t hop on the fox’s tail for a ride. Once in the water, the fox says, “It’s getting deeper, you should climb on my back.” A minute later, “It’s getting deeper still, you should jump on top of my head.” Moments later, “Uh-oh, you’d better stand on my nose to stay dry.” At this point, the fox throws his head back and gobbles up the little gingerbread boy in 3 swift bites.
My students look slightly horrified. I’m sure I do, too… I didn’t really expect a children’s book to go there.
The story ends with the fox taking a proud-of-himself, peaceful nap as the cow, horse, and townspeople go back to what they were doing, all lamenting the loss of their coveted meal. My class goes back to their seat and begins discussing the story while I pass out a gingerbread boy coloring worksheet…)
Leo: “He might be okay…”
Josh: “The fox ate him, Leo!!”
Leo: “But he could go to the hospital…”
Josh: “Give it up, man. He’s dead! Ain’t no comin’ back from that!”
Dime or Nickel
(Kindergarten) (Quincy finds a quarter on the ground and holds it up...) Quincy: "Mr., um, is this a dime or a nickel?" Me: "Actually, it's not a dime OR a nickel. This is more than both of those..." Quincy: "Is it a nine-der?"
How Do You Spell
"Ah-scuse me? How do you spell, 'I've been thinking about wolves'? How do you spell that?" Evie, Kindergarten
Dirty Words
(Kindergarten) Aubree: "Mr. Teacher, Jaylen's saying dirty words..." Jaylen: "Nuh-UH!! I said "sock". Aubree: "I know!! That's a dirty, nasty word." Jaylen: (pointedly) "Feet." Aubree: (yelling) "STOP IT!!!" #IssuesWithFeet
Marcus Farted
"Marcus didn't say excuse me when he farted. That's just impolite and downright rude!" - Ben, Kindergarten
Goodbye, Jenni
(4th Grade)
(Jenni is moving to another state. As a going away present, everyone in her class is working on a two-sided “memories” worksheet, which will be bound into a book and given to Jenni on her last day next week. On the front side of the paper, students are to draw a picture of Jenni and share their favorite memory of her. On the back side of the sheet, the students will be drawing a self-portrait and writing a short paragraph about their own likes and hobbies for Jenni to read.
Jeremy, standing at his desk, motions for me to come and help. When I arrive, he lets out a deflated sigh…)
Jeremy: “I don’t know where to start with a person.”
Me: “Ok. No problem. How ‘bout the head?”
Jeremy: “But I can’t draw! See, watch…”
(draws a very skinny oval head and then stands back to look at his work…)
Jeremy: “It looks like a thin potato. Ugh! That is LITERALLY horrible.”
Me: “Well, we can always come back and change the shape of the head if we want. Keep going! Just focus on the upper half and I’ll be back in a few to see how you’re doing…”
(I leave him to check on everyone else in the class. When I return to Jeremy a couple minutes later, he’s not only completed the upper half of the body, but also the bottom half…)
Me: “Oh, great! You added legs!”
Jeremy: “Well, yeah, who wouldn’t?!”
(7 or 8 minutes pass. He finishes his drawing of Jenni and goodbye letter on the front side, ready to move on to the self portrait and “about me” paragraph...)
Jeremy: “Done with the front!”
Me: “Great!”
Jeremy: “Ok, now I need a mirror…”
Me: “Why?
Jeremy: “I can’t remember what myself looks like.”
Book Fair
"Isn't it weird how at a Book Fair, when you get change, they'll give you a dollar in coins? That's one of those weird things in life." - Joshua, 4th Grade
Snow Bday
My birthday is in the snow! ... January 2nd! - Madison, Kindergarten
Write Fancy
Sometimes I write fancy. Don't blame me. - MaTaia, 2nd Grade
Zombie Dream
"I had a fake dream where a zombie was trying to eat my leg but I was able to get me and my friends safely on a sky ship. I remember ‘cause I woke up and my legs were still there."
- Zaiden, Kindergarten
Lunch Count
(1st Grade) Me: "Alright guys, I need to take lunch count. Please raise your hand if you brought lunch from home today..." (8 hands go up) Obehi: "Who has no money? I think that's what he's asking."
Bad Answer Key
(4th Grade)
(I’m reviewing the answers to an in-class worksheet. The kids are following along with their papers in front of them, quietly celebrating every time their answer is correct and softly groaning when they miss one. After I’ve gone through the first 5 or 6 problems, Tristan (who's been groaning every time I read an answer) interrupts…
Tristan: “No, no, no, no, no…”
Me: (stopping) “What’s the matter, Tristan?”
Tristan: “Your key!! All the answers are wrong!”
Analogies For Sadness
(4th Grade) Me: (to the class) "Have a good night, everyone! Thanks for having me. I had a great day with you..." Bella: (excitedly) "Are you going to be our teacher again tomorrow, too?" Me: "No, I'm assigned somewhere else tomorrow." Bella: (sadly) "That sucks like peas in a pod of nothing. Or, like a turtle, just standing there lookin' at you." #ComplimentsAndGreatAnalogies