𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔩𝔞

☯ 𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔳𝔢. 𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔯𝔶. 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫. ☯

[ms-analysis]

The universe is order and chaos in and of itself.

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🦋 disclaimer: all of the media used in the moodboards, section headers and post decorations (such as photographs and gifs) are not mine unless stated otherwise.

[ms-analysis]

🦋 Before you follow,

To filter my personal posts, please block the #ms-ramblings and #my nightly dose of existential dread tags. I am currently deleting my older posts (yes, I know, pretty messy and shameful of me to even rant on this blog in the first place), especially the ones that are heavily laced with negative thoughts.

Thankyou so much for understanding.

angela

[ms-analysis]

ー Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

[ms-analysis]

ー Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

[ms-analysis]

ー Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

[ms-analysis]

ー Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

[ms-analysis]

Good Day

I woke up early today to prepare for our year end recital. Our mural was finished after 4 1/2 days of hard work despite the rainy weather. The singers and dancers poured their hearts out. I think I did well myself too.

My mom and my auntie fussed over what I wore and my hairdo. They did some quick alterations to my grandma's clothes that I wore as a costume for today, and they redid my hairstyle because they didn't like what the salon gay made. I fussed over a simple makeup look, that quickly washed away due to the rain (good thing I didn't look like a soggy sack of potatoes)

Honestly, it's a miracle how I'm not catching a cold at this point. I've been exposed to such unstable weather for long periods of time. I hope this doesn't come to bite me back.

I'm happy. I'm content right now. I want to cherish feelings like this because I don't normally feel this way. (I'm working on it.)

My mentor cried after the performance. It was very intense, emotional and heartfelt. One can tell how much effort we prepared and how much our bonds grew closer over the past year. Even if our voices faltered, we still carried on. The show went on.

It was exhilarating, really. I love how it felt.

I looked like a grandma today, but it's fine. I felt good, even if I got nervous at some parts because some of my classmates distracted me from confusing hand signs that the technical team made.

I really don't know if I'm going to be an emcee in the future.

I really, really am more of a writer than a speaker.

Eh, let's not think about that now.

All I know is that today is a good day.

We ate at a pizza place after and that's all that matters for me.

[ms-analysis]

Lonely, again.

What do I write? Where do I begin? What story should I tell? How do I express this gaping feeling inside of me?

I thought I was okay. I thought I am okay. But I still feel lonely.

It is laughable how I come here and write about this pathetic feeling that continues to eat me alive ever since I had the blessing of life ー ever since I became aware that I am here, and I have to walk this ever exhausting journey where you either have everything laid out in front of you or you have to find out everything for yourself.

Whenever I feel like this, the same questions begin to linger in my mind, and they echo like how I used to sing to myself despite being so insecure of it all.

Am I that replaceable?

Do people not see me for who I really am?

Do people take me for granted and abuse me?

Am I just making things up again?

Am I constantly shutting people out only to victimize myself?

Am I constantly chasing and pleasing and initiating just for people to notice me and feel worthy of being human? Of being alive?

Why do I feel hurt?

Why do I long for something that I feel is out of my reach?

Why do I feel like this?

Normally, under the influence of my medications, I would tell myself it will be fine. I would have an answer to all these questions and I can comfort myself just fine.

But now, I don't even know.

I tried so hard to get out of bed and take a bath in order to update a resume so I can show up for a job interview I have tomorrow.

Is it bad to cling onto that only opportunity that I have? After all, I failed college. And I'm so much of a weakling to tell my family that I want to take a break and work on my own goals.

But then again it's useless.

I don't feel like I can truly be myself around them.

I have never met anyone who I can truly be myself. At least, someone whom I can be comfortable finding and creating myself. The one I'll stick to. The one who I can proudly show to the world.

Even then, I'm tired of always feeling like I have to prove myself. To my friends. To my family. To the world.

I'm so tired.

I wish someone would see me and notice how I really feel.

Because I'm not just lonely.

There's a whole slew of feelings boiling beneath that surface of emptiness.

And the worst part of it is that I cannot describe how it all feels. I cannot describe who I am. Who I truly am.

God. This is so angsty, right?

Sorry.

[ms-analysis]

"On nights where pumpkins transform into carriages, what do idols become? They become glittering dreams themselves!"

ー IDOLiSH7 (2018)

[ms-analysis]

"There's a difference between being polite and being a passive guest."

ー IDOLiSH7 (2018)

[coconutshri3p]

Hitomi Murakami

According to Hitomi Murakami herself, the main themes of her creations are "the body as a vessel" and "the femininity that embraces both life and death: the mercy and tenderness of the Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, and the ferocity and spookiness of Medusa.

Therefore, her use of the creative medium of ceramics is entirely inevitable and justified.

Mutter Erde [Mother Earth, Mother Goddess] – From the abyss it conceives living things are born and appear, and there they die and sink. True femininity does not consist, as is commonly supposed, in the phantom érotisme staged at the masquerade ball, but in the awe-inspiring preservation of life and death, revered as the Mutter Erde. It lies in the mystery of the hidden abyss.

[ms-analysis]

mind-blowing.

[ms-analysis]

Chlorine and Saccharine Laughter

I went for a swim today and learned some cool stuff. Although the scent and sensation of the chlorine induced pool still lingers in my body, and the soreness of my muscles from being in the water for too long still aches, as if the waters still ripple through my body…

It was fun. It feels very refreshing to be with people and swim and have the time of your lives, laughing like children bathing under the summer sky.

I went there early and met with some male friends. When I got to the pool I was scared of the depths because I thought it would be over my head. So, it felt nice when I got used to it ー the pool depth only reached my collarbone.

I had friends help me swim on my back, do some frog kicks and float… it was very delightful. I feel like something restarted inside of me and I have a clean slate to begin with.

The more I spend time with nature, the more I feel comfortable around it. I especially love it when I spend time in nature with people who enjoy being around nature. The sweet laughter fills me with great joy.

People being people.

In nature.

With nature.

Today is one of the days I'll keep in my memories.

Not only I learned a wee bit how to swim, I also got to spend time with people and be with nature.

Ah, I might be being redundant, but I guess that's the exhaustion settling into me.

[ms-analysis]

"I find that it is easier to write the truth than it is to say it out loud."

ー Maid (2021)

[servantofthefates]

The Problem with How We See Astrology

Astrology is not a science. But both proponents and detractors treat it as if it is.

If it were, each time the Sun is in your Zodiac sign, you should be on top of the world. Every time there is a new moon, you would be undergoing a dramatic rebirth. And as long as you can read your natal chart, then you should know how your entire life would play out.

Because that is what science is. Accurate, precise, demonstrable, undeniable, replicable.

In science, any number of individuals who mix the same amount of the same elements using the same method in the same environment will create the same formula.

That is not what astrology is. One Leo Rising could be the epitome of victory and glory, while another could be the poster child for loserdom and self-pity. Because astrology is not a science.

What it is, is an instrument of the occult. And like everything to do with the occult, it only lends itself to those who have faith in it, those who were born with the gift for it, and those who have the will to wield it.

But since astrology involves numbers, it is easy to fool people into thinking it is a science. If someone comes up with any system, and slaps some angles and degrees on it, we think of it as irrefutable. As Universal law. As the Gospel truth.

And when these systems, such as interceptions, the planetary dignities and asteroids, end up not matching our reality… the majority of us conclude that either astrology is fake, or we are too much of a beginner to understand it.

Worse, so many of us conclude that someone simply didn’t consider the other elements in the natal chart. The truth is, if you look at every aspect in your chart, everything starts to contradict itself. Every interpretation ends up being cancelled out by something else. Venus is in the Seventh House? Early marriage. Oh, but Saturn’s there too? Late marriage. In the end, you get average-age marriage, which most people could’ve predicted for themselves without the help of astrology — which now seems entirely useless.

That would never happen in science. No matter how many elements are in a theory or an equation, every single one would end up supporting each other.

When I was new to astrology, I was presented with so many “best and most accurate systems in existence”. Vedic, Draconic, Whole Houses… I compared their declarations and predictions to my own life and reality. Nothing resonated. It mattered not how ancient, famous and numerous their fans are.

At the end of the day, what astrology does is unearth our past and prophesy our future. It is a method of divination. So treat it like tarot, scrying or tasseography. Learn the basic principles, and then combine that knowledge with your own intuition to arrive at the truth – instead of simply relying on what others, with all their numbers, are telling you.

The stars, like our palms, are a map of our destiny. But there are right and wrong ways of reading of a map. So explore astrology from every direction, until you discover the correct orientation. 

[ms-analysis]

Dami Lee: We tried to compete with AI... [AI vs. ARCHITECT]

"Architecture is not really a pure art. It's a creative response, but it's a response to real life constraints."

[astrohussy]

Things I’ve noticed in Pluto in Sagittarius adults

We’re all vaguely spiritual, you’ll even see atheists take an interest in tarot and mythology

We’re much more playful than our big Pluto in Scorpio siblings but don’t partake in as many drugs or binge drink as much as they do/did

We casually smoke weed and tend to treat it like it’s coffee or a cigarette, something that hasn’t been normalized in a long time

(In the US) We’re most likely to be the first generation to be fully invested in global affairs as a whole, not just on the national level

(In the US) We’re also the generation that’s grown up around/lived through the most mass shootings 

(In the US) Many of us haven’t been alive long enough to know what it’s like to not be at war with another country 

We’re very into the idea of communal living and building a family based on bonds instead of blood 

Pluto in Scorpio and Sagittarius have developed deep interpersonal connections through our technology but Pluto in Sagittarius are exposed to more efficient tech and more sites and apps available to us to do so

We will commit to a purpose or an ideology but have a hard time committing to people 

So many of us are casual geeks, you could mention RPGs, gaming, or anime to any of us and we’ll be more than happy to talk to you about it!

Many of us are optimistic nihilists, pessimistic nihilism is soooo last generation

You’re weird if you don’t have tattoos

We’re more open to homeopathic remedies and will likely mix certain practices with professional medical treatment

We use politics as a way to identify ourselves and others

We have less sex but are more likely to explore and experiment with our sexuality 

We can and will turn anything into a joke (sometimes this is great but sometimes it’s our worst trait)

Like Pluto in Leo we’re very opinionated and aren’t subtle about it

Our individual music tastes are so broad that we no longer try and define it by what genres we like but by what genres we dislike 

Feel free to add more

[ms-analysis]

reasons why i love having an invisible grand fire trine and a grand air trine in my chart:

[ms-analysis]

Why I want to study architecture and agriculture/environmental science…

It might be ambitious of me to want to study such contrasting topics, but let me ramble on it. And hope that I make sense.

See, I like to preserve things and just observe how long they can hold out before they finally succumb to nature's forces.

But I am also concerned on how much natural resources and topographies are destroyed in the name of urbanization.

I am a firm believer that if you can build in/on it, you can also build with it. You can construct farms that don't require stripping the forest of all of its trees, or at least, I'd want to be able to contribute in making it possible. You can be able to plan cities sustainably, with renewable resources.

Yet, I am also aware that as of the moment, the technology that utilizes renewable resources is not that optimized to actually reduce the carbon footprint as we use them. This is because everything we are familiar with is industrialized. I think this has been going on for centuries now, with ups and downs as well.

Of course I have a bit of a selfish motive to desire a comfortable life, and be able to inherit my grandparents' property or perhaps live somewhere I can raise my own animals and have my own farm.

In urban areas, vertical farming would be the future. It's not adapted by most people yet, but I want to help create an environment that encourages productivity, self-sufficience, cooperation, and creativity amongst its inhabitants.

I know it won't be perfect, but through architecture I hope to study the different landscapes and types of environment and its climate.

And hopefully someday, I get to apply my knowledge and help the farmers in my country.

…Or wherever I end up living.

I think I'm going to be working overseas after college, so this will take a long time.

And by my famous trait of becoming easily sidetracked, I pray to the universe that I hold on to this goal of mine, even if I'm passionate about the arts.