I gotta stop giving into those old feelings. Things aren't the same. He knows it. I know it. What's the use of trying to hold on? It's a battle and fucked up cycle. Things are great for a couple weeks then BOOM lack of communication and barely seeing each other. We aren't 18 anymore. I can't keep this up. Comparing everyone else to him is fucking killing me. I'll always love him. Can't I say I was IN love with him. I've lost a lot through this, but I've gained plenty. Less than 2 months until my birthday and I've gained a whole new attitude on life. Today I told him I choose not to be who I was before. It's all strange. Used to think this was what I wanted. Even took him on a "romantic" getaway, as our friends put it and it wasn't what I'd hoped for. That weekend he was amazing to me. Never felt more wanted, but all good things must come to an end. It's cuffing season, think it's time to say goodbye.