Don’t fall head over heels for a guy in five weeks of what felt like fairly intense and serious dating. He may make you snack plates and constantly compliment you, but he doesn’t consider it “a breakup” because it wasn’t long enough. Ouch.

@theartofmadeline

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YOU ARE THE REASON
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@msseattlelove
Don’t fall head over heels for a guy in five weeks of what felt like fairly intense and serious dating. He may make you snack plates and constantly compliment you, but he doesn’t consider it “a breakup” because it wasn’t long enough. Ouch.
The more datable your friends say you are - The less dates you actually go on.
(via w124)
My ex wrote this specifically about Port Townsend, but in my experience, it applies to chicks in Seattle too, whereas the majority of dudes I encounter have no problem. It’s obvious in the way they don’t feel like they should offer to pay for dates, or display basic courtesy and manners. It boggles the mind.
Take Comfort
Your cat will ALWAYS love you, even if she is an asshole about it sometimes.
This will never happen. Ever. Nope.
Productivity
Sometimes you must put on underwear and take the recycling out instead of being a lazy ass and feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, you got rejected, but the cardboard and empty soda bottles are piling up.
This is the kind of dress that should get one laid, or at the very least, made out with. I demand my $13 back. Thanks a lot Forever21.
If Bill Clinton found Hillary's energy captivating, there's somebody out there who won't be scared of you. Sure, he may have banged a few fat chicks on the side over the years, but his heart has always been with her.
My Friend Kitty
When it Comes to the Drugs...
Do NOT smoke them out on the first date unless THEY brought the weed. Pay no attention to how much they claim they smoke. If they didn't bring their own, they're probably huge lightweights who can't handle their weed AT ALL. They will get weird and googly-eyed and scuttle off awkwardly, not giving you an end-of-date kiss. Sorry.
Games
I have this silly little game I like to play when I see someone I find attractive, as my attractions tend to be based muchly on how they present their personal style. It is called Hobo or Hipster, because sometimes you JUST DONT KNOW. I saw this dude on my bus the other day and he was pretty cute, so I was playing this game in my head and trying to weigh the different elements of his dress to decide. And then we got off the bus and he set his backpack down on a bench and legit pulled out a cardboard busking sign and a pair of sock poi. Not boyfriend material.
Do a Funny Thing
Make a doing-it playlist on your iPod and put loads of Sad Bastard Music on there, such as The Smiths and Neutral Milk Hotel. See how he reacts. Maybe throw in some Lil Wayne to mix things up. Suss out whether homie can roll or not.
Everything About You is Wrong
Never be the one to ask HIM out, because he will instantly stop responding to your messages and fall off the face of the earth. This also applies to suggesting a specific evening when he’s already asked you out. Your schedule may be crazy and you only have one or two free nights this week, but he does not care, because he now finds your enthusiasm to get to know him better as a huge turn-off. How dare you like him, even a little.
Got a message on okcupid last night from some dude who would like to impregnate me and be a stay at home dad to the babies. Um... What a way to introduce yourself. Thanks, but no thanks.
Pr-tip #5
Don't go out with a stand up comedian. They're surprisingly not funny in the way they reject you.
Pro-tip #4
You might not want to try to date a sociopath and then wonder why he's meeting 0% of your needs.
Bitches Be Crazy
It doesn't matter how good you smell. He hasn't brushed his teeth in three days. Also, if he thinks you're crazy, he won't want to smell you. And he DEFINITELY thinks you're crazy.
Sad Seattle Fact #1
Doesn't matter if he likes you; he likes his fixed gear bike more. Sorry.