In two days, I will be officially 3 months pregnant. To be honest, I prefer using weeks to describe the stage I’m in, rather than using months. Weeks are more specific, whereas months are vague. Yesterday, a stranger at the grocery store walked up to me and asked how many weeks I was, rather than asking how many months. My baby bump isn’t too noticeable yet, so I was stunned when I heard her question. Perhaps she’s a mother, and mothers sense when other mothers. I can’t wait to develop that extra maternal sense.
Each week of the year is coming and going so fast. It’s spring now, but we’re closer to summer than we are to the beginning of spring. My stomach is starting to grow, and it looks like I’ve gained a little weight. Dr. Kang told me it’s expected for pregnant women to gain a total of 15-20 kg throughout their pregnancies. I’ll be visiting her again this Friday, to check how my baby’s doing and all the normal procedures I’ve become used to by now.
It’s so strange visiting the doctor’s office weekly. I was accustomed to going once a season-- but weekly? It’s the new normal with me, especially with a baby on the way. I’ll have to continue the checkups even after the birth of my child.
I’m a mixture of emotions. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m petrified. Most days, I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s my hormones doing, or I remind myself how my biological mother died after she gave birth to me.
I wish I could travel back in time and meet her at the stage of life I’m in. I wouldn’t tell her who I am, though. I just want to know who she was. Was she just like me? Did she like fresh strawberries? Did she enjoy reading in the sunlight? Did flowers make her smile, too?
When Soojung unnie uncovered the truth about my biological parents, I couldn’t stop staring at my mother’s identification photo. She and I resemble each other, although she was a lot more beautiful. She had sorrowful eyes, like she’s witnessed so much cruelty in her lifetime.
It’s a spontaneous emotion, but I want to hear her stories. I wish I could lie down, and have her beside me, reading me stories she’s heard, stories she’s read, stories she’s experienced.
“I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (I’m not a big one for paying compliments…), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter….”
When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the
yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt
through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen.
Eunjin felt out of place. Yeouiju, which had inaugurated its restaurant branch in Kyoto, itself was beautiful, although the setting wasn’t exactly the type of place she belonged in– at least in terms of the people surrounding her. They all appeared to come from an affluent background. And Eunjin? She was nowhere close to that status. In addition to that, she was the only person in the restaurant with bright hair. Anyone she knew would spot her in a crowd and point at her, saying, “Look, there’s Eunjin.”
“So, how long have you been dating the son of Mr. Yong?” asked a wife of a local politician. He has a name, ma'am. It’s Kinam. Speaking of names, what was your name again? There are so many people here that it’s impossible to keep up with everyone so unfamiliar. Eunjin keeps her thoughts to herself as she offered the middle-aged woman a tender smile. “We’ve been dating for a few weeks, but we’ve known each other for a while already.” Eunjin wasn’t lying. She and Kinam met just in August and have become each other’s “peanut butter and jelly”, to quote one of her students’ cheesy phrases. It was all a matter of patience for Eunjin to find someone like Kinam.
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