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Hello !!!!!!!!! I am miserable!!!

I’ve used the internet as a source of external catharsis for well over ten years but I hate what it’s become (in my life) and I want to quit. But worried what will replace it.

I feel like a fucking idiot

lesbianartandartists

Zoe Leonard, I Want a President… , 1992

stealmysunshine69

Now more than ever

catherineonline

also there’s a bug bite on my face 🐛

mtwolfs

OH MY GOD YALL DID IT YOURE OFFICIALLY MORE BRAVE THAN ME

Like I've always ruined everything but this is just getting ridiculous.

Lately feeling like I am a legitimately unlikeable person for the first time in my life.

catherineonline

experiencing almost no anxiety what is this drug 🙃

mtwolfs

I've been taking cbd oil every day! They have it at the co-op! 😛

A lot of really bummer shit has happened lately and I don't do much anymore but I'm ok

Tw self harm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha Y'all ever feel like smashing your fucking head into a wall?

As of today, Oct 4, 2016, I am really depressed, my closest friend is really depressed, my band is falling apart, I have to find a job and am terrified, and I am not drinking for about two weeks. So like not so good but also I'm ok.

Here is me panicking about starting two weeks alcohol-free tomorrow :)))))))

meanwhilepoetry

Do not allow him to consume you. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely. If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him. I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.

Nikita Gill, Advice to Teenage Girls Finding Their Way Through Love. (via (via internal-acceptance-movement)

I'm helpless and less than and I feel your presence constantly You will always be better than me no matter what I do

Content warning: death thoughts, c*ncer, depression, anxiety X X X X X X X

Yesterday was hard at times. I took the whole day “off” and let myself be in bed all day which was nice and didn’t feel crappy because I made the *choice* to do it. Then I watched a movie and it was like surreal horror comedy shit and when it was over I just was overcome with the fear of death and the overwhelming feeling that I was going to die. This happens to me sometimes, and I don’t know if it stems from anxiety or stems from real legit *I never had insurance growing up and now I’m terrified of the Doctor because I’ve convinced myself I have c*ncer (I can’t write it out because it scares me I know it’s weird sorry) because I’ve never checked and I don’t want to find out* or what it is. But then it just made me think of S a lot for some reason and feeling a lot of guilt for leaving him behind like I did. Just running away like I always do to save myself from having to deal with things head on (even tho I really did try to be happy in Columbus for a long time and I deserve credit for that). Moving on to a different new life that feels really good in a lot of ways (which I think is important) but at the end of the day I really and truly just up and left and hurt my very best friend, and that hole doesn't just fill up with other things, it's just there. And I feel a lot of guilt and shame for that. And it haunts me and I couldn’t really sleep last night so I just read episode synopses of hoarder episodes(???). And I just recently allowed myself to admit to myself that I’ve been depressed recently because I never let myself do that because I always think I’m just being “dramatic” and that other people have real mental health problems and I’m just faking for attention which I imagine stems from my mother telling me that when I was growing up. But like reminding myself that I can totally be out there and be a happy person when I’m depressed. Doesn’t mean I’m not hurting or sick and should be taking care of myself. Anyways, just needed to share all of this somewhere. Everything’s going to be ok but I just need to read this all back to myself I think.

I put this makeup on 5 hours ago for a party that starts in an hour because I have no life

sunbeamdaydreams-deactivated202

Empathy isn’t just something that happens to us - a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain - it’s also a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves. It’s made of exertion, that dowdier cousin of impulse. Sometimes we care for another because we know we should, or because it’s asked for, but this doesn’t make our caring hollow. This confession of effort chafes against the notion that empathy should always rise unbidden, that genuine means the same thing as unwilled, that intentionality is the enemy of love. But I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.

The Empathy Exams: Essays by Leslie Jamison (via trashysnacks)

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