[peenutbuttjelly]

Hmm too much at the all you can eat buffet

[thatfattytoni]

A reminder of my accomplishments 🐷🏆

[droolfang]

most loved by god

[biggwomen]

Source

[ebc-art]

WARNING

If any gainer model ever responds to any feedist fantasy concept text post I make with somethign like "🥵🥵OMG, I need this! Someone DO THIS TO ME🐷 🥵🥵🥵🥴😵‍💫"

You are risking me drawing you in that scenario- ITCAN'T BE HELPED

[icyblueroses]

get rekt

[beaconfantasies]

This version of Batman is criminally underrated

[jaxblade]

I can’t with this effin show….

[quietgirlinthecorner]

Susie wasn’t there. Lucy and Randy don’t play that!

[kaban-bang]

[vivalski]

Me on Tumblr app after finally reaching the end of a long post I wasn’t interested in:

[aphrodaisyacs]

Pro-tip: Press J and it’ll skip to the next post :)

[dretanya]

Me on Tumblr app trying to find the J button:

[thebluestrokes]

“How to Art?”

“Hey man that’s not bad!”

“It’s not that great!”

“No it’s good man!”

“Maybe though, add some shading around where the head shadows the neck.”

“Make sure you it’s obvious where the light source is coming from.”

“It will help give the drawing more volume and depth.”

“Whoa! You’re really good at art, man!”

[mgx0]

Give confidence and encouragement to everyone you come across!

[purrtlepuff]

THIS IS HOW YOU CONSTRUCTIVELY CRITICIZE!!

[kattimariias]

Show this to every cringe blog and cringe art channels

[storms-mod-blog]

While I do like this for the whole inspiration thing, since I’m slightly an artist myself lets just take a moment to appreciate that a Banana Guard from Adventure Time said this and that there are SMART Banana Guards

[doyawantmetobecalledtheamazing]

THIS IS ACTUALLY CONSTRUCTIVE AND HELPFUL CRITCISM :0

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[stevetwisp]

from the episode “the one where bob comes out as bi” 

[great-tweets]

cursed level over 9000

[the-smiling-pony]

Holy shit

[shounenchild]

I’M UGLY LAUGHING RN

[kai-keda]

my god

[bluejettyy-deactivated20220927]

This is both unnerving and hilarious

[the-man-who-sold-za-warudo]

ＹＯＵＮＧ　ＭＡＮ

[a-40k-dad]

BAHAHAHAHAAAA

[latinkilledtheromans]

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

[221cbakerstreet]

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

[theeverydayfatgirl]

🗣 #Mood All year long ….

[theeverydayfatgirl]

Still.

[lechugaaaaadeldiablitoooo]

Guys who love big girls! And black love this is so sweet.

[goldnpoc]

This is so cute

[2pacsauntie]

Forever REBLOG

[archcracker]

CURSED

[apricotshark]

the monty hall saga

please watch brooklyn nine-nine

[misskiwi]

hoooOw dare you detective diaz i am your supIORIOR OFFICER! (BONE!!!!)whathappensinmybedroomdetectiveis none of your business (!boOoOoNE?!) dont, ever, speak to me like that again.

[nebula-cnidaria]

I’ve already reblogged this scene but the last comment is a masterclass in punctuation and vocal emphasis.