an embarrassing fandom kid @mulderthatsabsurd - Tumblr Blog

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me: i want another blog

me to me: make a separate email address and assume a totally new identity

serotnin

bye

little-inkstone

and he’s still choosing to sleep, that’s my kind of dog

lesbianhaircut

film idea: white girl with long brown hair is living in a dystopian society. she is different, though. she can punch things. she punches things and changes the world.

madsfofads

Hmmm ever heard of Divergent? Think you need to read that before you reblog this stupid ass post again. Or even hunger games. There’s quite a lot more but I’m sleepy so I won’t go into detail.

lesbianhaircut

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THIS IS BY FAR THE BEST RESPONSE TO THIS POST

i haven’t been here in a million years because of my true crime blog @ted-bay-of-fundy (which is awesome and grammatically correct btw)

where did everyone go

mickeyandcompany

Things you didn’t know about Lilo & Stitch (adapted from Oh My Disney)

bumblebyaf

@bloom-ly

brennatwohy

It is impossible to leave my mother’s house with an empty belly.

If it’s Wednesday, she is making tamales,

and if it’s Sunday, it’s black bean soup,

& my oldest brother is sneaking extra bacon into the stockpot,

& you might not think bacon has a place in black bean soup,

but you would be wrong.

I swear, it tastes like forty loaves and two fishes.

My oldest brother chopped onions like he was cutting their hair.

My brother made the best goddamn ribs you’ve ever had in your life.

My brother never ate a single meal he cooked in that kitchen,

his body a different kind of hungry.

when I said it was impossible to leave that house empty,

I wasn’t counting the years he left & did not come back.

addiction is not the kitchen fire I was warned of.

It is not that gentle in its timing.

doesn’t torch everything you love at once and leave you to rebuild it,

instead, it burns the bread, & then the casserole, & then the photo albums, & then the way my dad used to laugh when we were all home together playing Boggle & we could not smell the smoke,

& I don’t understand how people can say the word heaven like it isn’t a swear word,

like it doesn’t make my mama gasp, press her whole hand into her mouth, & wonder who taught you to say that shit in polite company,

because really, when you say heaven, it’s just a shined-up way of saying

not here,

so either way, we’re left holding not-enough hands & trying to remember how to set a smaller table.

when my brother was like four years old he sprinkled a packet of taco seasoning onto the soil in our front yard,

& he waited for the taco shells to grow.

& the next morning,

my mom woke at like 5 AM to kneel in the front garden & push six taco shells into the soft dirt there,

& when he saw them, he said, I knew. I knew that they would grow here.

& we did not bury his body.

but if we had, I know nothing would have grown there.

tell me again about the part where grief is not my name.

I will tell you, my parents have not kissed on the lips since the nineties.

I will tell you, there is so much I did not say out of respect for the living.

I will tell you, one of the first rules of working in a kitchen is you never try to catch a falling knife.

but lord, if we didn’t try anyhow.

lord, if we aren’t a family of good intentions

and cut off hands.

thischarmingmothman

List of bullshit I pulled in high school

My yearbook photo was a picture of some random baby off of Google I photoshopped my 17 year-old self’s head onto. It made it in.

Slipped a video titled “hot busty lesbian porn” into the personal folders of everyone in my computer class, which after they all crowded around to see what it was, turned out to be the video for Never Gonna Give You Up (it was 2007, so not yet a worn out joke). Thanks to them (like idiots) deciding to swarm a computer with sound, the computer lab filled up with cheesy ‘80s pop and the sound of me laughing so hard I ended up on the floor clutching my stomach.

Figured out that the school board internet filters blocked based on words and URLs, so I bypassed them simply by pinging their IP addresses, giving me free reign to Youtube and wherever else I felt like going to. I abused this power, and the fact I luckily had one of the computers with built-in speakers, to blast copious amounts of death metal all class.

Formed an air band called Minotaur Lizards whose career peak was “playing” a montage of classic rock songs during a school presentation.

Acted out the mock trial that made up the final for our senior year Law class as head prosecutor, wearing no shirt, no socks, a Dead Kennedys t-shirt, and shorts. Somehow got 10/10 for “appropriateness of dress” by being so utterly wrong that the teacher considered me to have looped back around.

Made sure that the yearbook contained the words “Harry Potter erotica”, and nobody realized until it had already gone to print.

Did accounting for some of the pot dealers in my year and ended up taking a good cash bonus home after my suggested “baked sale” hit it big.

Managed to get out of gym class the last two years on the promise to teachers that if I kept a friend, who was in a wheelchair and one of the above-mentioned dealers, occupied and out of trouble, I could skimp on doing class for non-test days and eke out a 75%.

Turned in so many bullshit essays and “I was bored on this vocabulary test so I write it all in haiku” results that teachers would be disappointed if I turned in ‘normal effort’ work.

Found out someone I really disliked hated my laugh, and dialed up how totally hilarious I found Cool Runnings so much that my laughter got him into a hissy fit that ended with his suspension.

Figured out the school’s weak exits where one could slip through without being noticed, and began selling this information to people once our school cut its truancy officer for budget reasons.

Managed to send through enough filthily-worded Valentine’s Day candygrams with the help of a friend on the inside that there were no candygrams the next year.

Did most of my work for my last year on a single piece of paper I’d just fold up and stick back in my pocket out of general laziness and my lack of need for notes. Math teacher kept poking fun at it, which led to an escalating war of attrition that ended when I handed in a test written on a corn tortilla.

Was voted Most Unique in what is most certainly the last flattering time that award was given in the school’s history

lesbiangender-deactivated201908

chaotic evil

dnygren01-deactivated20180730

“wearing no shirt, no socks, a Dead Kennedys t-shirt”

How do you wear no shirt and a shirt at the same time?

thischarmingmothman

By meaning to type “no shoes” and fucking that up.

mulderthatsabsurd

are you ferris bueller

objectivemistress

I love academic papers written solely for the purpose of dragging another researcher. It’s like Jersey Shore but in academia.

objectivemistress

Any title including the phrase “A Response To: ” is basically an intellectual bar fight.

scientistsarepeopletoo

Also, “Comment On …” followed by “A Response To Comment On …” from the original authors.

teapotsahoy

My favrouites are the ones that seem calm and untroubled on the surface, but the footnotes are all “Spivens seems to think…” “Spivens’ puzzling assertion…” “Characteristically, Spivens…”

violent-darts

Sometimes they get right out and honest and call it “A Critique of … ” (I just got done a unit that had a big argument in articles and the first response really was that blunt: “he’s wrong and here’s why.”)

pastelroyalty

Experiencing catcalling when you’re not conventionally attractive is such an internal predicament. Because on one hand, when you experience it you’re repulsed. Because it’s still harassment. But on the other hand- you finally feel that someone finds you desirable. And as fucked up as it is, it validates you for yourself.

And if you don’t experience, you wonder if something is wrong with you, like you’re not pretty enough or desirable enough for it.

And I just think it’s really fucked up that our society has shaped us into thinking that there must be something wrong with us if we aren’t harassed, that if we are its okay to feel good about it. It’s fucked up.

femininefreak

This goes for older women too. My mother keeps saying, “Oh honey, when you get older you’ll learn to enjoy it because it doesn’t happen that much”

you knew me as @themagicalgallifreyan but now i’m @mulderthatsaburd

i hope my million porn blog followers like that

healingisneeded

netflix and by yourself :/

only-lana-del-rey

onlytwitterpics

orlandobloomers

call out post for the sun

too big and old -_-

he always wake me

dusty-purple

I just love the myth of Persephone, i mean the real, original version of it, because it’s not like she got kidnapped, no, this bitch was la-de-da-ing in a meadow and she just happened to find an entrance to the Underworld and she was like “Imma check this out”. And she just wanders into the Underworld and discovers that hey this place ain’t too bad.

Meanwhile Hades is in the background “????? UM??? PRETTY GIRL??? WHY ARE YOU HERE?????? YOU AREN’T DEAD???”

And Persephone (who was originally called Kore just a little fyi) just looked at him and said “I like it here. I’m staying.”

And Hades kinda just went with it, until Demeter started throwing the temper tantrum of the millenium upstairs and Zeus had to intervene because this shit was getting out of hand and its actually his job to be admistrator of justice. Which considering the shit he gets up to is kinda histerical but that’s another story there.

And basically Persephone wasn’t a prisoner or kidnap victim at all she just really loved the Underworld and her (eventual) husband, and the Greeks feared her arguably more than her husband because Hades could be reasoned with but Persephone was the one laying the smack down on sinners, and really, who wouldn’t be at least a little scared of someone who’s name means something along the lines of “the destroyer”

Basically, Persephone is amazing and everbody needs to get on her level

the-lucky-ferret

i think the best part of that myth is that Zeus decided to change Kore’s name to Persephone (basically “the one who brings chaos”) only because she wanted to stay in the underworld and SHE WOULDN’T FUCKING LISTEN then Zeus, all-mighty king of the gods, kinda gives up and goes “fine, but you’re going to visit your mom” “also, I changed your name” “get rekt”