I love the color pink and im also married to Dominic Fike (: Miguel O'Hara is also my baby daddy. ON HIATUS INDEFINITELY
I will write for any fandom but right now I write for: Across The Spider Verse, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Outer Banks, Death Note, My Hero Academia, Euphoria, Riverdale, Stranger Things, Heartbreak High, The Walking Dead, The Summer I Turned Pretty (I can't think of any more but just send in an ask on what fandom you would like 😭) I also write for Dominic Fike, Austin Butler, Timothée Chalamet, Sebastian Stan, Drew Starkey, and other ppl I think are hot lol
My perfect date/outing would be hiking out in the woods/mountains to where it's just us, the birds, and the bees, and the echo of my moans when he tethers his scarf to a tree limb as a swing and fucks me senseless
Summary: You just couldn’t carry him through it -- 18+
Warnings/Content Ahead: angst, talks of past drug abuse/addiction, breakups, longing, bittersweet ending
A/N: Here's a lil something sad and bittersweet for my angst girlies and guylies (I'm one of you!). First time writing for Elliot, so I just winged it and had fun with it! Based on one of my favorite Dom songs (can you guess it lol) and some stirred-up emotions I felt breaking to the surface. Reblog and comment if you feel called to, it's all appreciated! I love you, and enjoy <33
(don't steal my writing or post on any other platform as yours...that's rude)
Word Count: 2.6k
~~
The crisp summer air breezes through the screen door to the patio and I stare at it longingly, itching to be out in it. I watch as my friend takes another shot and internally sigh. There’s no way we’re leaving anytime soon.
I had originally believed that forcing myself to go out would distract me from this debilitating ache that resides within me; from the rawness of having to mend the version of me that was ripped away with his absence.
But I was so, so wrong.
“I should’ve never came to this fucking party.” I think as I pass through the hall to the back door. The house was smothering me with a heat that sweltered my lungs. I can taste the ash lingering in my throat.
My nerves instantly ease at the sound of the crickets chirping and the breeze on my face. What’s up with me tonight? I thought I was over it. I thought I was doing better.
My back meets the brick of the house behind me, and I get lost in the constellations I can’t name — except for one. The sky reflects a memory from a time I’d rather forget, but I find myself slipping back into it like a sweater that I’m starting to outgrow, but can’t get rid of yet.
“There’s so many!” I stare up in amazement at the arrangement of glowing orbs above me.
Elliot smiles affectionately at the wonder on my face before agreeing. “Yeah, I know. You can’t get a view like this in the city, all the pollution and shit,”
The blanket acts as a thin barrier from the invasive sand beneath us. The waves crashing on the shore serenades us with their soothing sounds. There was no one on this beach except for me and him. No drama-ridden friends, no worries about what tomorrow may hold; it was just us and no one could take this moment from us if they tried.
We were supposed to be in bed.
Elliot asked me to join him on a mini rendezvous at the beach, and I agreed without hesitation. After spending a day collecting various items around his room to bring with us, we found ourselves sneaking out of his home and down to the beach, giggling like lovesick teenagers along the way.
“I believe that one’s the Cassiopeia,” I trace an alignment of stars with my finger. He follows where I point, and he smiles in recognition.
“Oh, that’s dope! I see it!” His hand retraces the path of stars mine did, the “97” sketched there catching the moonlight. “It looks like a crooked ass W,” he says through a laugh.
I shove my face in his neck to stifle a laugh he did not need to hear to stir him on. His arm cages me to his side, molding me firmly into him. He smells like the ocean and fresh musk and I never want to let him or this moment go. I pinch myself and I’m still there.
We fell into a comfortable silence after that. Taking in the world around us; being in awe that we get to do it together. Elliot presses a lingering kiss to my temple and it burns when he pulls away.
“I love you,” He whispers.
We were so beautiful. He held me whenever the world tried to swallow me whole, and I held him whenever he allowed it to.
My eyes well up with tears, and I’m quick to shake myself out of it. I’m not there anymore, and I never will be.
I close my eyes as I tune back into the present. I pinch myself, and I’m still here. The wind is still easing me with its invisible presence and the loud chatter of the party drifts into the atmosphere with it. My phone sits lifelessly in my pocket as I hope it will vibrate soon with a message reading, “It’s time to fucking go!”
I don’t flinch when I hear the door sliding open, assuming it to be some partygoer coming out for a smoke or my friend coming to find me. I hear their footsteps moving towards the balcony and their breath hitches not too far from me.
“Fuck.”
My body stiffens, instantly recognizing the voice. My stomach sank, and I wished the rest of my being could go with it.
It clicks for me then, why the house was so suffocating, why the stars were looking down on me with cruel reminders of the past. Realization dawns upon me that I was so lost in my head, that I didn’t process whose house this party was at.
A mutual friend of a friend. I almost laugh at the universe’s wicked depiction of a joke.
A part of me wanted to keep standing there with my eyes closed; like keeping them shut would make me drift off somewhere so far into my mind, that my body would barely be here anymore. A part of me wanted to stop existing so facing him wouldn’t be possible anymore.
But I was here, and I had to allow myself to be. Even if it was the last thing I wanted, I peel my eyes open to a portrait of heartbreak.
It’s Elliot who stands there with a face full of shock and devastation. An unlit cigarette sits slackly between his fingers, along with an orange lighter. So that’s why he’s out here. He looks down at his feet, grappling for the words he wishes to speak.
“I-I wasn’t expecting to see you here."
That was a fucking understatement.
He runs a nervous hand through his hair. His eyes take me in and mine can’t help but do the same. Now, his hair falls past his ears, the blonde has faded and stains a distant memory on the ends of his hair, his natural tan has returned, and his form is more broad and full. He looks good.
He clears his throat, tucking the cigarette behind his ear. “How have uh -- how’ve you been?”
I stare at him incredulously, a scoff begging to come out at the audacity of the question. I swallow it with a light shake of my head as I train my eyes to look towards the trees. “I’ve been fine,”
“I’m sorry,” The words have me turning back to him.
“...I’m sorry for how we ended,” He continued, shoulders slumped from his confession. “I wish there was something I could do to change what happened. I wish I didn’t have to wake up every morning knowing you’re out there and I’m not with you -- and it’s all my fault.”
“It’s not-” He’s quick to cut me off.
“It is, and you can’t tell me differently because I know that you barely being able to look me in the eye right now is because of me.” His voice breaks with the last word. “And I have to live with that.”
He steps closer to me resulting in our faces being inches apart. I feel his breath against my face, and it causes my own to constrict.
“And you wanna know the worst part of it all?” His question is rhetorical, but I still find myself nodding.
“I still love you…” He trails off with a bitter laugh. “And I don’t think anything’s ever gonna change that.”
In another life, I would have kissed him.
I would have kissed him like my life depended on it. I would let his tongue explore my mouth the way it used to and I would have enjoyed every moment of it. When we pulled away, we’d stare at each other in astonishment, but goofy smiles would cross our faces because things were going to be okay.
I would have pulled him close and told him, “It’s okay, El. We can be Us again.” I would have allowed my knees to go weak, knowing he would be there to catch me because he was always there to catch me.
Was.
But this was not another life, and we could never go back to how things used to be. I pinch myself and I’m still here.
I stare at him, not knowing what else to say that wouldn’t make his fears come more to life. He takes a few steps back from me, realizing our position and why we couldn’t be that close anymore.
“But it’s okay. We both know it’s for the best,” He gives a lazy shrug, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You were right. I did have a problem, but I’m getting help for it now. I was too selfish to let you go, but too scared to do anything about it…”
His words die off as he looks up at the sky. A flash of crestfallen recognition dances on his features as his eyes locate the same constellation I showed him all those months ago. “And I hate it took me losing you to realize that.”
His expression was cold and stiff. Harsh, glazed eyes met my teary ones. It felt like he was looking straight through me. Like I was merely a ghost standing in his path. God, those eyes.
“This was a mistake,” His voice is strained, holding back the emotion clawing its way up. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Please be a dream. I pinch myself and I’m still there.
“W-what are you talking about, El?” My voice cracks when I say his name. He pretends not to hear it, but I see his mask slip anyway. I read him too well not to notice.
“Everything’s just too much,” he rushes out. He reaches a hand up to run through the blonde strands of his bleached hair. “I-I’m sorry I-”
“Have you been using again?”
The silence smothers the both of us with the unspoken truth.
My skin pricks with smoldering pins at the realization. “So that’s why you’ve been so off lately?” He cowers at my tone, but the flaring in my chest is spreading. “That’s why you’re being such a coward now instead of getting help?”
I feel a tear slip down my cheek, not realizing they started falling. Elliot starts to step over to me, but I hold up a hand to stop him. “You knew all along you had a problem and you let me love you anyway. You’re so fucking selfish!”
Now he’s the one who can’t look at me. He glares at the floor and I notice the shiny, wet streaks lined his cheeks; mirroring mine. I’m left in a heated staring contest with the top of his head before he lets out a sigh. “I’m leaving, okay?”
He ignores my calls as he grabs his phone and keys off the table. His shoulder brushes against mine as he swiftly makes his way toward the door. He grasps the doorknob before I repeat his name once more. The defeat is clear in my voice and I feel so, so lost. He stops in his tracks, leaning his head against the door’s surface. I stand there: hoping, wishing, waiting.
“I can’t be what you need, baby. I’m sorry.”
He steals one last glance at me before he opens the door-
“I…” I contemplate my next words carefully. The intensity of his stare doesn’t affect me like it used to, but I still feel the lingering pull of it as he turns to look at me once more. “I’m happy you’re getting help.”
“And I hate the way we ended things too,” I admit somberly. “I’m not angry at you anymore, El. If anything, I was more angry with myself for not accepting the truth earlier. I’m just…tired. I’m tired of loving you and I’m tired of what comes with it.”
Elliot sighs as his eyes shift to the ground. “Yeah, I don’t do anything but hurt people.”
“We were just hurting ourselves,” He flinches at my words, but the expression on his face reads that he understands the weight of them. “I hope you learn that you deserved better than that too.”
His silence urges me to continue.
“And there are things I could've done differently in the end, but I was in denial about how bad things were -- how bad they had gotten. I just wanted it to get better, you know?” He gives me a solemn nod. Of course he knows. “But that wasn’t my decision to make, and I think it made me angrier that you weren’t making it.”
My chest feels lighter with each word I speak. I never realized how much I had to say to him until he was in front of me giving me the chance to say it. It still doesn’t take away the ache, but some things can only be healed with time.
You’re not so cruel after all, universe.
“But I’ve come to accept that what happened needed to happen for our own good, even though it fucking hurts sometimes,”
Elliot’s brittle laugh is evidence of his agreement. Timidly, he approaches me once more. His hand shakily reaches for mine at my side, moving at a pace that gives me time to reject it. I meet him halfway instead.
His thumb traces gentle circles on the side of my hand, our fingers locked loosely. “Thank you for loving me, even when I didn’t know how to take it,” He sucks in a shaky breath, his hand tightening around mine for a second. “I’m still learning how to forgive myself.”
“It takes time, but it gets easier,” You mirror the lazy shrug he did before. “I forgave you a long time ago.”
“Really?” He asks lightly, a gleam of hope sparking through him. “We’re alright?”
“We’re alright,” I affirm.
We stay like that for a while. Standing there in the brisk heat of July, with the cicadas singing around us and the Cassiopeia shining above us, our fingers tightening the hold on the others. Perhaps I was too cynical before. Even though we would never be on that beach again with the waves crashing around us and the sand supporting the weight of our love, we still had our moment where it was just Us.
And it was the perfect way for us to finally let the other go -- even though it hurt all over again.
We nod to ourselves when the wind tells us our time is up. His longing gaze settled on me as we slowly released the other's hand.
“Hey,” I found myself saying as I poked his shoulder. His lips quirk at the action, his eyes glistening with curiosity. I look at him, and I know this will be the last time I truly get to. “Take care of yourself, okay?”
He takes me in as he absorbs my words, the finality of them, and the finality of our last moments. A couple of beats pass as a small, genuine smile graces his face. “Yeah, you too.”
Finally, he turns and begins his trek away from our past, our present, and what could’ve been our future. I watch his figure retreat back into the hot swarm of people. The last piece of me that belonged to him drops from his hands and the click of the sliding door cements the separation.
The splattered remains lay on the ground, and I contemplated if I should leave it there to rot and mold back into the earth. I contemplate running over to it and dusting it off, cleaning it, and molding it to fit back in the place it came from. I wonder if it’s even worth the trouble anymore — if I should even bother.
But I figure it’s no longer needed. It’s been used. And that part of me has been gone for a very long time now.
Maybe some things are just better off staying where they’re left, but I wish it could be easier than that. And for my sake, I hope it can be someday.
Until then, I pinch myself and I pray I wake up this time.
~~
Thanks for reading!
You can find more of my writing here -> Honey's Writing
this stunning drawing of villain inmate!Bakugo was created for me by an incredibly kind and talented @explosion-island ! Please think about commissioning this artist 💙🧡
Summary: just the standard boys react to the reader having had or currently have a crush on a villain. I know i did overhaul for both midoriya and bakugo but i dont care. (Requested)
Summary: just the standard boys react to the reader having had or currently have a crush on a villain. I know i did overhaul for both midoriya and bakugo but i dont care. (Requested)
Katsuki fumbled as the heavy wooden door of your mansion was nearly slammed in his face, you being the cause. Your infuriated strides didn’t stop as you reached the kitchen.
Katsuki felt his eyes burn and bile rise in his throat as he tried desperately to reach you.
“Baby, please! It was one time, and I didn’t even kiss her-,” he rambles worriedly, taking a step aback as you turn around.
Your eyes held nothing but pure fire and pain.
“Oh my FUCKING GOD Katsuki! You didn’t kiss her?! Oh that’s just wonderful, I totally forgive you for going behind my FUCKING BACK and fucking other women! That makes everything okay now!” You cry? Laugh? You couldn’t tell anymore.
Katsuki winces at your tears, pearly streaks of his own staining his cheeks. He reaches for you, heart breaking when you flinch away from him.
“Baby-,” he starts.
“Don’t you fucking DARE call me that you disloyal bastard,” you sob.
“I gave you my EVERYTHING, you son of a bitch! The nights I spent slaving over that fucking stove so YOU wouldn’t go hungry! I broke my back cleaning this fucking house, I give up my social life so we can be together, I bust my fucking ass doing stuff in bed I don’t want to do, ALL FOR YOU! I gave you EVERYTHING! So don’t you fucking dare try and have some balls now.” You sob through gritted teeth.
Katsuki sinks to his knees, openly sobbing and grabbing your hands. You tried forcing them back, but his grip was relentless. He pressed tearful kisses to your hands, amplifying your pained sobs.
“(Y/N), please! It was the worst mistake of my entire fucking life, of OUR lives. It was an act of stupidity, and if I could go back in time I would kill past me for even looking at her. It’s YOU I love, not her. It’s you, it’s always been you,” he gasped for breath, looking up at you. You paused.
“AAAAAAAND CUT! That was a great take everyone, go grab some lunch and be back in an hour to continue the shoot,” the director shouts, hopping off his pedestal.
You wiped your tears off, cursing the added tear stick as you laughed.
“Jesus Christ, that was a rough scene. How are you, baby?” You look down at him. Your smile was warm, a complete contrast to the character in the series you were acting in. Katsuki made no move to wipe his tears.
He rose slowly, before wrapping his arms around you tightly. He sniffled as he held you as close as possible, kissing the side of your face.
“Baby, are you alright? It was just a scene!” You giggle, kissing him on the forehead.
“If I ever make you sad like that, I need you to kill me. I would rather die than make you cry the way you just did,” he sniffed, wiping his nose and holding your cheeks.
“Aw sweetie. I know you’d never cheat on me. I love you so, so, so much. I guess we just did too good a job acting,” you giggle. You pull him in closer for a kiss, wiping his tears and playing with his baby hairs.
“I love you so much. Never ever forget that,” he says firmly. You nod, before squeezing out of his grip and tapping his ass playfully.
“Of course angel, now let’s get lunch. Sato made enchiladas and I’m craving them so badly,” you kiss him again. Katsuki’s phone beeped, and he checked before grimacing slightly.
“I’ll be right there babe, Eijiro’s complaining about something,” he says, squeezing your sides and sending you off.
You’re so fucking right, baby. He thought. His chest bloomed in pain. Ochaco’s bunched up tits stared right back at him in picture form, taunting him.
