In honor of the return of The Muppet Show, here is my definitive Muppets Les Mis cast:
(NO ONE CAN DISPUTE ME ON THIS I'M OBJECTIVELY CORRECT)
Jean Valjean — Uncle Deadly. He's got that scrappiness to him.
Javert — Sam Eagle. I feel like Deadly and Sam are kind of inverses of each other because they're both blue and one of them is supposedly "good" and the other is supposedly "bad", which reflects Jean Valjean and Javert in that one of them is the "evil" criminal and the other is the "noble" law enforcement officer (ACAB), which the story flips on its head by saying that "law abiding" does not equal "moral", and I feel these two characters could perform that very well.
Fantine — Camilla the Chicken. I was originally going to put Miss Piggy in this role but it would be really funny to have Camilla sing her little "bwok bwok bwok" to the tune of I Dreamed A Dream and have English subtitles underneath.
Cosette — The only human. Not sure exactly who I'd cast but it would need to be someone with the same ethos as Michael Caine, who would take the role very seriously and respect the muppets as actors.
Éponine — Miss Piggy. She would absolutely eat up On My Own.
Enjolras — Gonzo. This is the most aptly cast character in this whole list FUCKING FIGHT ME. I've seen people cast Enjolras differently or cast Gonzo in a different role and it simply does not work either way. This role was literally made for Gonzo.
(Various other muppets will also be among the revolutionaries, including Fozzie Bear, Rowlf, Animal, and just really a bunch of ones who aren't playing a main role)
The Thénardiers — Statler and Waldorf.
And finally, most controversially but still objectively correct:
Gavroche — Big Bird. I know we're not meant to bring Sesame Street into this but an exception has to be made here because, as stated, this is all the objectively correct casting.
Anyone who disagrees with this is stupid.
Stay tuned for my objectively correct Muppets Breaking Bad.