indulge
pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader
summary: matt's confrontation forces him to confront himself, and results in an impulsive decision that threatens to shatter the delicate balance of everything.
warnings: swearing, some violence, a bit of angst, explicit sexual content (minors dni)
word count: 5.3k
a/n: the moment you (i) have all been waiting for. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!
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Not even a second after she’d taken off and left him seething in the middle of the street, Matt began running towards the alley nestled between the two high rise buildings. His feet pounded against the pavement as he dashed to keep up, tracking every turn she made from the familiar shadows. He jumped onto an abandoned crate, using the momentum to leap onto the lid of the dumpster nearby, hauling himself up onto a fire escape platform to bolt up the stairs.
While she drove through the bustling streets of the city below, Matt was bounding across the rooftops above. He leapt into a front flip, his back briefly hitting the concrete as he landed with a roll, springing into another sprint. He didn’t stop until he reached the building where she’d driven into an underground parking garage.
Perched on the ledge, he was panting from the physical exertion of the chase, and his lungs burned with each rapid inhale. His body’s searing internal protest branched from his chest, but Matt ripped out the roots of exhaustion with his adrenaline fueled determination. The anger blazing in his blood was hotter than hellfire, and it incinerated any lingering seeds of weariness that had become embedded in his bones.
The elevator emitted a low hum as it ascended, and Matt counted each floor that passed until the doors announced her arrival on the seventh with a high pitched ding. The gravel crunched under his shoes as he mirrored the path she was taking several floors beneath him, crossing to the other side of the rooftop, pausing at the right corner when she did. At the grinding of metal on metal when she slipped her key into the lock, and the click of it being turned, Matt jumped onto the ledge and grabbed the handles of the fire escape ladder, placing his feet on the outsides of it to slide down to the platform below.
He didn’t bother running down the steps, hauling himself over the railings instead as he jumped down, platform by platform. Right as she walked into her bedroom, Matt pushed up the window by the fire escape and slipped inside her living room, not even trying to be discreet. He announced his presence by slamming the window shut hard enough to nearly shatter the glass, a sharp bang echoing in the silence.
The telltale sound of a gun being cocked was almost as loud as a bullet actually being fired, but not nearly as loud as the thunderous roar of his blood pounding in his ears. He found himself on the receiving end of her aim, but she was the one startled by his presence.
“What the hell-”
He didn't even take a moment to revel in the crack of her composure detailed by the crease of confusion on her forehead and the taut frown tugging down the corners of her mouth. He tossed his folded cane onto the nearby coffee table with a loud clank before reaching up to yank at the bow tied around his neck, ripping the silk seams apart to toss the shredded fabric carelessly to the side. He let out a dry, clipped and humorless laugh as the left corner of his lips was curled into sneer parading as a smirk.
“Oh I'm sorry, sweetheart, I thought we were on a breaking in basis.”
Taking advantage of her rare moment of disorientation, Matt advanced forward and ripped the gun right out of her hands, releasing the clip with a flick of his finger, tossing the two pieces in opposite sides of the living room forcefully. He heard the grinding of bone when she clenched her jaw, but the irritating sound was drowned out by his own erratic heartbeat.
“Get out.”
“No.”
“Murdock-”
Matt ripped his sunglasses off his face, gripping them in his hand as he pointed an accusatory index finger in her direction.
“I'm not leaving, and you're not kicking me off this investigation. You want to get pissy with me because I didn't let you gun someone down in the street? Fine. But just because this is personal for you doesn't mean that it isn't also important to me. This is my city-”
“What did you just say?”
There it was again. That barely restrained rage that lurked beneath her surface. He wasn't sure what exactly it was he'd said that lit that fuse, but a twisted part of him wanted to see it finally go off. Maybe if he made her explode, he could finally get something real out of her. Flashing her a smug smirk he knew would piss her off, he calmly folded his sunglasses, the action a stark contrast to the wild look in his sightless hazel eyes.
“You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific. You seem to be bitchy about every word that comes out of my mouth. Which one did you not like this time?”
By now he could hear her blood crashing through her veins like a tidal wave, and her body temperature was steadily rising concurrently with her temper. Clenching her hands into tight fists at her sides, she took a bold step forward, and her voice dropped to a cautionary tone that pointed out which thread to pull at to make her unravel.
“What makes you think this is personal for me?”
Tossing his sunglasses onto the coffee table with his cane, Matt took an even bolder step forward, dropping his own voice to the one he typically reserved for his darker half.
“Looks like Fury is better at keeping secrets than you are.”
It was subtle, but he was so hyper focused on her, he didn’t miss the way she flinched. Her knuckles cracked as she clenched her fists even tighter, and her words were rough slipping through her gritted teeth.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Taking another step closer so that there was barely an inch of space between them, Matt’s lips split into a wicked smirk as the volume of his taunting dropped to a whisper.
“Doesn’t feel good being left in the dark, does it?”
Matt was almost certain if he kept pushing, she’d snap. He could already sense the way her right hand was half cocked, ready to strike at any moment. Hell, he wanted her to. At least that would be a raw reaction.
“I wanted out. After that first night, I told Fury that I didn’t trust you, and that I wanted nothing to do with you. He tried to give me some sob story about how this whole thing was personal for you, but that didn’t change anything for me. The only reason I stayed is because Fury forced my hand, but trust me sweetheart, if there was any other way to do this without having to work with you, I wouldn’t be here.”
“And yet you are.”
Matt’s smirk faltered hearing the tone of her voice shifting. It wasn’t her usual impersonal nonchalance, but it wasn’t that suppressed anger slipping through the cracks either. This had a serrated edge to it, and while bitter icicles formed on the tip of her tongue, that rage was beginning to seep from her pores.
“You didn’t have to follow me here. You could’ve gone above my head and went to Fury to plead your case, but you didn’t even come here to argue with me, did you Counselor?”
Clenching his jaw, Matt forced a tight lipped smile and let out a breath of humor through his nose.
“And what is it you think I came here to do then?”
Taking a step closer, her chest was now pressed against his, and he could feel the outline of her figure through her dress again, like he had earlier on the dance floor. His fingertips suddenly tingled with the phantom buzz that had ensued from caressing her bare skin.
“I think you came here to indulge.”
That earned a genuine scoff from Matt, another dry and clipped laugh escaping at her audacity.
“Indulge? The only thing I enjoy indulging in with you is arguing.”
“Now who’s the liar.”
Matt’s hands tightened into fists at his side, partly out of his anger, partly to ensure they wouldn’t betray him in wandering for another taste of her skin. Her whispered allegation skimmed along the stubborn denial he’d committed to since that first day in his apartment.
“You came here to let the devil out. Because you know you can do it with me. You come here, you get to strip yourself down to your rawest form, you get to fully immerse yourself in that darkness you pretend isn’t there in the daylight, and you get to walk away knowing that no matter how much you give into it, at least you’re still better than me. That’s what you indulge in.”
He thought he’d finally found the string to pull at to make her come apart, but somehow she’d used it to lure him in instead, weaving him into her complicated web that he was struggling to find an escape from.
“You’re not looking for an argument, Matthew. You’re looking for a fight, and you knew exactly where to find it.”
Matt didn’t block her punch, he took it right across the jaw. But before she could throw another, he gripped her right wrist and yanked her forward, turning to pull her chest flush against his back, trapping her arm between his bicep and ribcage to glide the bracelet off her wrist and toss it down the hall.
“No toys.”
“I didn’t take you for the vanilla type.”
Gripping his bicep with her other hand, she jumped to spin herself upside down and wrap her legs around his head, using the momentum to flip him onto his back. Matt let out a grunt when his back collided with the hardwood, but he kept his grip on her arm, kicking his feet upwards and pushing his body up forcefully to roll them forward, trapping her beneath him.
“No, I just don’t need them to get the job done.”
“Or maybe you just don’t know how to use them.”
Matt hissed when she punched him in the side, sliding her knees up between his thighs to kick at his chest and send him backwards, making him knock over the coffee table. In a flash he jumped to his feet, surging forward to tackle her against the couch, flipping it over backwards and them along with it. Reaching for the back of her head, he slipped his fingers into her hair to grab a fistful of it and yanked her head back roughly, making her let out a sharp noise.
He had her pinned, face down on the floor, his knees on either side of her hips. His other hand had an iron grip on her left wrist, immobilizing it. He bent down so his mouth was right by her ear, his warm breath grazing her lobe as he panted.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart? I thought you didn’t want me holding back?”
A breathless laugh slipped from her as she turned her head towards him as much as she could.
“I don’t know, I think you still are. This kinda feels like flirting, Matthew.”
Kicking her heel up from her foot, she grabbed it in her free hand and gripped the heel to jab it into Matt’s thigh, making him grunt in pain and release her hair and wrist to grab the sore spot.
“Did you just try to stab me with your shoe?”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic, these aren’t stilettos.”
With a frustrated growl, Matt caught her ankle as she tried to get away, his hand darting out to grip the other so she couldn’t kick free. He knocked her other heel off with a brief swat before dragging her down by her ankles until her thighs were on either side of his hips. He grabbed both of her wrists in one hand and pinned them above her head before swiftly slipping his free hand into the slit of her dress to pull out the dagger still strapped to her thigh. He quickly brought it up to press the blade against her throat, applying just enough pressure to elicit a subtle gasp of surprise, but not enough to break the skin and draw blood.
They were both panting heavily, and a breathy whisper of a laugh slipped past her lips.
“That's not a very convincing threat.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because you would never actually hurt me.”
Matt was caught off guard by the sincerity in her voice. Her heart was racing just as quickly as his was, but her rhythm didn’t falter. She meant that. She believed it. He loosened the pressure of the blade against her soft skin, a huskiness coating his words.
“But you’d hurt me.”
It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Because that’s what he believed.
“No.”
There was the same softness he’d heard in the rare glimpses she’d given him into who she really was. The gentleness for the fragments of herself she deemed in need of delicate handling, either for his sake or her own. Those pieces that she guarded like antiques passed down to her, only they didn’t seem to come with the fond recollections or sentimental attachment.
“I wouldn’t. Not really. Not intentionally.”
Matt didn’t know how to process that. His body was still buzzing with adrenaline, his blood still sizzling with lingering anger, but there was a new source of heat growing from her kindling. He kept a tight grip on her wrists, but loosened his hold on the dagger. The two halves of his brain were fighting against each other, playing both plaintiff and defendant, each shouting their own argument.
The logical part of him rapidly presented the documented evidence he’d collected against her, all the proof of his justification in distrusting her, condemning her, wanting her out of his life. But the emotional side conjured all those circumstantial little moments that had made him doubt his own critical judgment, that made him wonder why despite himself he felt so drawn to her.
There was a kindredness, whether he wanted to admit it or not. In the mirror of his soul was another lonely child molded by some kind of trauma, forced to grow up beneath a mask to survive. Matt had a few good hands that helped shape who he became, but it didn’t seem like she’d had any. He knew who he was with and without the mask, but did she? Under all of those rehearsed identities, was there even a real one?
Almost subconsciously, he pulled the dagger away from her throat and set it down by her head, letting go of her wrists just to see what she’d do. But she didn’t reach for it. She didn’t throw another punch or try to shove him away. She didn’t even move her hands from where they were. Matt slowly placed his hands on either side of her head, leaning down until his nose just barely brushed against hers.
This whole time, they’d been dancing around each other, each playing their own version of the same game. But Matt was tired of moving around in circles on the board and not getting any closer towards her coveted pieces. Even when he managed to catch up to her constantly being three steps ahead, their strategic moves and countermoves seemed to just cancel the other out. He wanted to swipe all the pieces off, send them flying and topple the goddamn board over. He was done playing.
“Tell me something real. Not an omission of truth. Not a vague truth. Real.”
He could feel her staring up at him, her heart still racing although now for an entirely different reason. He could smell the change in chemistry, the addition of an element they’d both ignored purposefully to prevent this reaction. There was that restless anticipation in his stomach, like being at the top of a rollercoaster you know is about to drop. There’s a moment when you either regret getting on the ride at all, or you let go of the safety bar and let your hands fly above your head the whole way down.
He wasn’t sure which moment this one was.
Instead of trying to slip free and get away, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in closer, and he felt an electrifying spark that jolted his entire system when his hips became flush against hers.
“I did pick out this dress for you.”
Matt dug his blunt nails into the hardwood in a vain attempt to keep a semblance of restraint over his self control that was rapidly disintegrating. He could leave, right now. He could get up, walk out that door, and go above her to Fury like she said and fight for his right to stay instead of lingering here to dig further into her confession.
But her legs were wrapped around his waist and he could feel the heat radiating from her thighs through his pants. That spiced vanilla and jasmine intermingled with a faint hint of sweat was a heady combination that erased any trace of logical thinking from his head, leaving nothing behind but pure primal impulse.
He shouldn’t ask. He should get up and leave. But Matt Murdock never made the best choices when it came to women.
“Why?”
“I wanted you to like it.”
Slowly moving her hands from where they had been resting above her head, she reached for one of his wrists, grasping it gently to pull away from the cold hardwood floor, guiding it down until his fingertips brushed against the thin silky fabric of her dress before finding the warm soft skin of her bare thigh. She whispered her next confession, like any decibel higher would shatter the delicate intimacy of the moment.
“I wanted you to take it off.”
As much as he hated to admit it, she had been right. He did know that both halves of him could co-exist in her presence in a way they couldn’t with anyone else. With her, there was no favoring of the man over the devil. No expectation of choosing one and abandoning the other. No matter what form he existed in, what sins he committed, with her there was a freedom he’d never felt. It was completely terrifying, irrevocably thrilling, and in that moment that breathy revelation finally made him snap.
His hand flew up from her bare thigh to wrap around her neck, and he crashed his lips against hers in a ravenous kiss. There was nothing gentle or sweet about it. It was the eruption of everything he’d tried to deny, all the tension that had been building up between them, finally exploding into raw desire and unrestrained lust. The feeling of her fingers grabbing the back of his neck, her nails digging into his skin, tore a groan from him as a tingle shot down his spine.
The kiss was messy and desperate, their teeth gnashing almost violently, and he squeezed her throat as he slipped his tongue past the seam of her lips. The noise that emitted from the back of her throat and the taste of her tongue had him feeling inebriated, but it was the delectable scent of her arousal beginning to drench the lace between her thighs that drove him feral. A low growl vibrated in his chest, and he slipped his arm underneath her back, hauling her up off the floor.
He released his hold on her throat to grip her thighs, stumbling over strewn furniture and broken glass as he navigated her wrecked living room. Her legs were still tightly wrapped around his waist, one of her hands gripping the back of his neck and the other grasping at his shoulder. He slammed her against the wall in the hallway, earning a gasp from her that finally made them break apart for air. His greedy lips immediately sought out the delicate flesh of her neck, caressing it with his tongue before sinking his teeth into it hard enough to make her blood bloom beneath the surface.
Her head fell back against the wall as she hissed, grabbing the lapels of his tuxedo jacket to shove it off his broad shoulders and halfway down his arms. Matt kept her pressed against the wall with his hips as he ripped the jacket off, and her fingers were already reaching for the buttons of his dress shirt. Neither one of them had a shred of patience, a silent understanding between them indicated by their shared fervor. She tore the shirt open, sending the buttons flying in different directions, clattering on the hardwood.
Matt kicked her bedroom door open and tossed her onto the bed, her body only able to bounce once on the mattress before he pinned her beneath him. He nuzzled his face into her neck as her hands found his bare chest, her palms gliding down his scarred flesh, making him hiss as she dragged her nails down his stomach to leave temporary scars of her own. He slipped his hand beneath her back, his thumb and index tugging down the zipper. In his haste to get the dress pulled off, the thin straps were ripped completely off her shoulders, not that either of them seemed to notice or even care.
He was greeted with the soft suppleness of her breasts which he eagerly took into his callused hands, dipping his head to leave hot, sloppy, open mouthed kisses down her chest. She grabbed a fistful of the hair at the back of his head and tugged, making him grunt from the stinging protest of his roots, and a breathy moan escaped her when his mouth enveloped one of her peaked nipples. She arched her back, offering more of her chest to his greedy mouth, and he growled as he licked and sucked at the sensitive bud, biting down and giving it a tug, making her moan louder and pull at his hair harder.
As his hands explored down the rest of her exposed flesh, his fingertips came across raised and indented markings. It took his fuzzy brain a moment to recognize what they were. His fingertips brushed over each one he discovered, written in a language that was familiar but foreign in origin at the same time. Her collection of scars seemed to rival his own. It made something in his stomach twist, and for a split second he felt the urge to restrain his roughness, but then her legs wrapped around his waist again and she suddenly flipped them over.
He landed on his back with a grunt, and his hand was already darting out to tangle into her hair as she trailed her own sloppy kisses down his chest. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the pillow with a groan when her hand palmed his hard cock that was straining against the zipper of his pants. Her fingers worked hastily to unbuckle his belt, nearly ripping off the button of his pants getting it undone. The hiss of the teeth of the zipper being bared caught his attention, and his eyes snapped open, his body thrumming with renewed vigor.
Matt lifted his hips so she could tug off his pants and briefs, but he quickly reclaimed dominance, springing forward to tackle her onto the bottom half of the bed. He captured her lips in another frenzied kiss, reaching between their bodies to grasp the waistband of her lacy panties to tear them right off her hips. The scent of her arousal was so strong and so intoxicating, dripping down her inner thighs, it made his mouth water and his eyes flutter when he inhaled deeply.
“Fuck.”
His voice was husky as his breathy groan slipped, and as badly as he wanted to spread her wide open and bury his face between her thighs, he was aching to bury himself inside her, and she seemed just as desperate for him. She grabbed onto the back of his neck and pulled him down roughly, panting heavily against his lips.
“Matthew.”
The raw need in her voice, the way she moaned his name, the way she begged for him…it made him completely lose it. He gripped her thighs hard enough to leave bruises and spread them wider, reaching between them to wrap his hand around his cock and guide himself forward.
The second he began to push inside her, his eyes nearly rolled and he let out a guttural groan. The instant relief he felt was overwhelming. She was so tight and warm, and so goddamn wet. It took everything not to combust right then and there. He gripped her hip, digging his blunt nails into her soft skin as she arched into him. The breathy moan that got caught in her throat drove him wild. He didn’t have it in him to take it slow or ease into her. He snapped his hips to fill and stretch her in one swift thrust, and he didn’t give either of them a second to savor the feeling before he began to fuck her with reckless abandon.
Her nails nearly pierced the skin of his shoulders, and he hissed as she raked them down his back, the sting making him grip onto her even tighter. The bedframe creaked from the force of him pistoning his hips, and she grabbed the back of his neck to pull him in for another messy kiss. She moaned and panted into his mouth, and he grunted as he slipped his arm under her back to lift her hips slightly, changing the angle and the depth he was able to reach.
“Oh fuck..Matt…”
He growled when the sound of her lashes fluttering hit his ears, like the buzz of a hummingbird’s wings. This was the first time he’d managed to get control over her, and it was intoxicating. For once she had no smartass remarks to fire off, no cryptic responses to infuriate him with. The only thing able to slip past her kiss bitten lips were prayers of his name, and he wanted more.
Without warning, he suddenly pulled out, earning a maddening whimper of protest from her. Gripping her hips, he flipped her over onto her stomach and then hauled her up onto her knees, delivering a firm smack against her ass that echoed in the bedroom like a clap of thunder. He slammed back inside her, making her jolt forward with a sharp cry. He reached forward to grab a fistful of her hair, yanking her head back again as he leaned over her, nipping at her neck and grunting into her ear as his other hand gripped her waist.
Matt was relentless, and completely merciless with how hard he was fucking her. But she wasn’t fighting him. She was giving in to him. Every noise and moan from her that filled the room was drenched in unadulterated pleasure in its purest form. He became lost in a haze of lust, driven by carnal desire and selfish greed. He’d never been an inconsiderate lover, his primary focus was often satisfying his partners to the point they were overly saturated in rapture. But with her he just wanted to take. It was a twisted form of vengeance and punishment for all the perceived deceit, for constantly knocking him off equilibrium, and for picking the lock on that darkness he tried to keep concealed.
It was reclaiming the power he thought she’d taken from him, snatching the scales so they couldn’t be unbalanced again, or maybe it was trying to cure the fever brought on by her existence with the remedy of possession. Or maybe it was just finally shattering his own delusion, relinquishing what was right to succumb to what was desired. She felt so fucking good wrapped around him, and the noises he was getting out of her went straight to his head. One of her hands reached back for him, and let go of her hair to grab her hand, pushing it forward to pin it down on the mattress. He placed his hand on top of hers and intertwined their fingers, gripping onto her just as tightly as she was gripping onto him.
She turned her head, her lips seeking out his, and he didn’t hesitate to indulge in another sloppy heated kiss. He swallowed down her moans as his hips kept snapping in rapid succession, the sound of skin smacking against skin rivaling the volume of the headboard slamming against the brick over and over. He was fully immersed in her, free falling from grace and willingly drowning in this transgression. Matt dropped his forehead to her shoulder with a groan when he felt a tingle at the base of his spine. He knew by the way her cunt was clenching around his cock she was right there with him.
Letting go of her waist, he slipped his hand between her slick thighs and found her clit, beginning to strum it quickly with his fingers. She jolted forward with a loud moan, but her body had nowhere to go. She was completely at his mercy. He felt her back arching, felt her pressing her ass back against his hips, and he grunted in her ear.
“Just let go.”
“Matt-”
“Let. Go.”
Matt growled his command in her ear, increasing the pressure of his fingers against her clit, stimulating it at a maddening pace that had her mouth dropping open and her body writhing beneath him. A strangled moan echoed off the walls, and the second he felt her gush around his cock, he was done for. He let out a guttural moan when her cunt gripped his cock and drenched him in her euphoria, making his hips stutter while his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his mouth hung open. With every wave of release he haphazardly pumped into her, ecstasy settled into his bones, making his nervous system buzz with pure static electricity.
They collapsed in a heap of tangled sheets and sweaty limbs. His heart was thundering against her back, and he could feel her pulsing around his softening cock still. The intensity of his orgasm was so overwhelming he couldn’t move, every nerve ending feeling stripped to their most sensitive neuron. When she shifted just the slightest, he let out a quiet moan and squeezed her waist tightly, and she instantly stilled. Her hand reached back to carefully feel for him, her fingertips gently caressing his forearm.
Matt twitched at the affection, but forced himself to focus on her tender touch. The scent of spiced vanilla and jasmine mixed with sweat, the sweet musk of her wetness mixed with his cum, the warmth of her heated skin, the softness of her hair, the rapid tempo of her heartrate and heavy breathing. It helped anchor him to the moment, to navigate through his overstimulated senses back to the sanctuary of temporary peace.
He knew he should move and untangle himself from her, but he didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready to. The second he got out of this bed, he’d have to deal with the consequences of what he’d just done. He’d have to confront the impulsive decision he’d just made. He’d have to face it, face her. He’d just complicated everything in the worst way possible, and there was no coming back from the line they’d just crossed.
Matt wasn’t ready to do that.
For just a little while longer, he wanted to remain ignorant in this warm bliss. He wanted to just give into the exhaustion, and hold onto this tiny piece of calm before the storm inevitably came. He wanted to indulge just a little longer.
The consequences could wait until morning.
tags: @the-swift-escape @lambmurdock @lunakkey @Lfdybadgirlsdiw @devilmurdock64 @moonyinthestars @suits-and-smirks @day-dreaming-goddess @natashasotherhalf @rebel13lion39 @pixelfaery @ebsmind @mattmurdocksscars @ahhhhhhhydbhdg @ayupcap @thepassionatereader @awenthealchemist @zomtart @superrbffun @buckypops @snicksbabe @redroomproperty @angel113431 @18raven @a-sunflower-in-bloom @shadypaperwitch @lizziela @givemylovetoall @dreadfulxives18 @jjprxntiss @bigratbitchsworld @s1xthirty @daisy-the-quake @raven18 @hipwell @scorpiovelaryon @yiiiikesmish @mel-thefrog @ponyosmom35 @daisydark @xoxabs88xox @punkshyteee @abbyhaslongshorts @wolvierinee @snowflames-world @yomnajir @fries11 @groovycass
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