got the most scrumptious idea for a fic (and i want to make it multi-part!) but i literally have exams in 24 hours that i have not started studying for, but i also want to work on the idea before god gives it to prince
so sick and tired of things that have no relation to the tag clogging it up. like why am i seeing character x oc or oc rp in the rafe cameron x reader tag?? i'm aware it's for visibility but it's literally common decency
summary: helping lily put on a saree for the first time.
wordcount: 672 words
warnings: 18+ minors do not interact. SEXUAL TENSION!! they're gay your honour!!!, pining, fluff, awkwardness
A/N: this thought popped into my head and would not let me sleep. reader is desi and there is no mention of which country so as to be more inclusive.
any feedback would be greatly appreciated. have a great day!
*not edited, all mistakes are mine*
it took lily little convincing to attend your family function with you. cultural food, cultural clothes, and a sleepover with her best friend rolled into one? count her in!
but as much as she loved sarees (especially seeing you in them), she would need all your help and then some to be able to wear it properly.
with your own saree done, you look over and see lily holding hers.
"here, let me help." you said, stepping closer to lily.
"oh yes, please thank god," she said with a chuckle. you smiled back in response, taking hold of the saree now. you see her petticoat is much too lose to be able to the saree and tell her it needs to be more snug.
"may i?" you ask, gesturing to the petticoat, and she nods.
you take the string to tighten the petticoat, untying it and praying your bent head hides how warm your cheeks have gotten. as you work on retying it to a snugger fit, your knuckles brush the soft skin of lily's skin, and you miss the way her breath hitches and her cheeks redden.
you tuck one end of the saree into the petticoat, trying to use the very tips of your fingers to do so while still making sure it's secure enough. when you finish pleating and tuck it in, your fingers sliding between lily's skin and petticoat, just below her belly button, you see her breath hitch and goosebumps rise all over her skin. you finally look up, now eyelevel with her heaving chest, and your eyes slowly pan over to her face as red as her hair.
her eyes are wide, filled with... panic? and if you weren't concerned about her and hypervigilant of the slightest of her motions, you would have missed the quick glance at your lips.
with your hands still around her hips, gently tracing the edge of the petticoat, and therefore her skin, you rise to your full height. you two are close enough to feel each other's breaths, and you can practically taste the sweets she had earlier. still looking into her wide eyes, you take the saree and drape it over her shoulder, pinching the fabric in the small space between your bodies to adjust it over her chest, careful not to touch. lily hopes you fail to notice the fresh wave of goosebumps, but you do.
with careful hands, you tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, fingers coming back to cradle lily's jaw.
"tell me to stop, lily," you breathe out in a whisper, lips inches from hers, "tell me to stop if you don't want this."
she glances back down at your lips. "i don't want you to."
and before you can react, you feel her fingers wrap around the back of your neck and her lips on yours. it's soft at first, slow and sweet, but it slowly grows in urgency as her fingers tangle in your hair, trailing over your shoulders and chest to finally rest low on your back. you can do nothing but go with the flow, hands in lily's hair, surprised because you hadn't thought she had kissed a girl before. out of breath, you both slowly break apart, foreheads still together.
"not bad for my first time kissing a girl, huh?" lily says a bit breathlessly. she feels warm all over her body, heart thudding against her chest. but simultaneously, there's a comforting feeling, like warm honey coating her from head to toe. it's a heady feeling, she won't lie.
"hmm, maybe you could do with some practice, though," you joke, giving her a quick peck or two. "we have to go now though, or we'll be late and all the sweets will be gone."
"after all, we have all the time in the world to figure it out." lily's smile bright as she says so. she takes your hand out the door, and she'll follow it just about anywhere.
you'll have to stop the world just to stop the feeling
pairing: eloise bridgerton x fem!reader
summary: eloise bridgerton has successfully chased away a flurry of lady's maids. has she finally met her match?
wordcount: almost 3k
warnings: fluff, angst, no happy ending. 18+ minors do not interact. nothing explicit, but still.
A/N: eloise is aged up in this, around 24. partly inspired by this gorgeous artwork and good luck babe by chappell roan.
i try not use y/n in my fics but i started writing this over two years ago and a good chunk of it was already written using y/n, so i am just too lazy to change it now. sorry it that bothers anyone! any feedback would be greatly appreciated. have a great day!
*not edited, all mistakes are mine*
viscount bridgerton was worried. a slew of lady's maids and none were strong willed enough to deal with his storm of a younger sister, eloise. of course, he loved her passion dearly, just not so much when it felt like he had to look for a new lady's maid every other week. the last lady's maid lasted two days. anthony just hoped the new one would last a little longer.
eloise was proud of herself - she had just broken her personal record: two days. in the years since she had made her debut, she had driven away at least 20 lady's maids each year. it wasn't that she enjoyed tormenting them, it was just that she hated society's expectations of her and her sex. she hated the lady's maids on principal, it was nothing personal, even though they did make her life easier. she had thought that anthony would finally give up, so imagine her surprise when she went down to the drawing room only to find her mother sitting with whom she guessed was to be her new lady's maid.
"you must be joking" eloise scoffed.
"eloise-" violet began.
"quite the contrary, ma'am," you began as eloise's eyes once again slid over to yours. "i am to be your new lady's maid. my name is y/n y/l/n."
"don't bother getting too comfortable, miss y/l/n" eloise flashed you a sugary sweet smile before turning on her heel and departing.
the next few weeks saw you exhausted, as eloise did everything in her power to vex you enough to make you quit. but you were determined. each night, after whatever ordeal she had put you through for the day, whether it be going shopping and swiftly disappearing into the crowd, sending you up and down multiple flights of stairs to look for something she had with her all along, or whatever torture she thought of that day, you would smile brightly at her before departing for the night.
that night, right before you closed the doors to her room, you saw her crack, saw her frown. eloise was understandably confused. you should have given up by now, you should have broken and quit. yet, here you were two months into this arrangement. the longest yet. to be really quite honest, eloise was running out of ideas to scare you off.
another ball passed with more judgement from the mamas of the ton. eloise could feel their eyes burning into her back like the power of a thousand suns. she was just exhausted of this constant routine and wished she could escape. and she wanted this blasted dress off her.
you started unlacing the back of the dress, your fingers accidentally brushing her soft skin, goosebumps appearing in their wake. as you brush her hair and see eloise's reflection in the mirror, a prominent frown between her brows, you realise this ball must have taken more of a toll on her for her to be so docile with you. you blow out all candles save one, and even when you exit, eloise is deep in thought in front of the mirror.
hyacinth was debuting this season, and violet swears the effort to find both hyacinth and eloise husbands is taking years off her life. she loves how fierce and passionate her daughters are, but she wished it was easier to find them husbands, as at the end of the day she wants to see them happy with their own little family.
eloise is forced out to promenade with hyacinth, and as always, her lady's maid is to be her shadow. eloise is perturbed to see her so unbothered by her antics. when she crosses the street boldly in front of an oncoming carriage, so does she. when she takes a detour and leaves hyacinth and her own lady's maid behind, she follows. as she looks over her shoulder to see her walking a few paces behind, her foot hits the stump of a tree and she goes tumbling down.
the pain radiates up eloise's leg, and she feels hands on her in seconds. the next moments are a blur and eloise does not remember how she finds herself in her bed, a physician standing at the end of her bed claiming a broken foot, and her mother and youngest sister fretting over her.
"i'm afraid the foot is broken, lady bridgerton," the physician finishes his examination and wraps her foot in a bandage.
"how long will it take to heal, doctor?" violet asks worriedly.
"two to three months, my lady. possibly even more, depending on the severity."
"she'll miss the entirety of the season! maybe even more. can nothing be done?" violet queries. eloise, on the other hand, feels as though her wish of an escape has actually been granted.
"i'm afraid not, she must try to keep her weight off of it as much as she can. there is not much else that can be done, it will take time. maybe the countryside and fresh air will help, away from the busyness of the ton and the social season."
violet does not miss the way her daughter's face lights up. eloise, sensing her mother is about to refuse, speaks up.
"please, mama, i promise i'll be good. i'd be bored to death here anyway. at least at aubrey hall i'd get to enjoy the library." eloise can see the hesitation on violet's face, but she can see the moment she relents.
"alright, but your y/n is going with you."
eloise's smile drops but she knows arguing will just result in her stuck in london. so she agrees ruefully.
it's just you and eloise in the carriage on the way to aubrey hall, the rest of the bridgertons busy with the social season. you help eloise to her room, making sure she is comfortable before leaving to go make arrangements for dinner.
the short walk up the stairs to eloise's room that she insisted on staying in took a lot more out of her than she expected. her foot really was in a bad condition, that was true, but not bad enough that she would need to supervised at night too, she thought.
she's just settled into bed with a book after you helped her get ready for bed after dinner, when you walk into the room again, this time in a nightgown of your own, and a thin rolled up mattress, pillow, and sheets in hand.
"i'll be fine for the night, you can go," eloise says, briefly looking up from her book, slightly irritated.
"i'm sorry, miss bridgerton," you begin, already setting up your sleeping area for the night. "but i'm under strict instructions from the dowager viscountess and the viscount. i am to constantly be by your side, should you need anything, and that means sleeping in the same room as you."
you see as the irritation begins to bleed into her face, brows closer together, a slight frown on her lips.
"can't you just tell them you did and not actually sleep here? i'd quite like some privacy."
"my apologies, miss bridgerton, but i can't. i take my job and my duties to you and your family very seriously. i wouldn't do anything to jeopardise the trust your mother and brother have placed in me."
"i do not care about any of that! i just want a moment's peace from you!" eloise bursts out, red splotches high on her face. she makes a move to get out of bed but the pain in her leg flares up. within seconds, you are by her side, warm, gentle hands carefully positioning her foot back on the pillow.
"i'm afraid i have to disappoint you, miss. but i'm here to stay."
days in the countryside slipped into a routine. you would wake up first, prepare breakfast for eloise, along with a book. you'd get her ready for the day, and then station her by the large windows, refuse her when she wanted to walk around, and help her should she rebel anyways.
you confused eloise. why had you still not budged? and despite your stubborn moments, why did you always otherwise treat her with gentleness? here, in the countryside with less people around, she had seen you smile more. your hair was in a slightly looser updo, and your usual uniform not as strict. more than a few times, eloise found herself looking much too closely at you.
last night for instance, when you came back with your bedding after getting eloise ready for bed, in a thin, worn shift that hung loosely off your frame. the fire illuminated your silhouette through the thin shift as you stood facing it, getting ready for bed. eloise found her concentration completely off her book, a funny feeling in her chest. she could feel her cheeks heating up and her heart beating faster. she had never felt like this before, this flustered. she only prayed the candlelight was dim enough for you to be unable to make out the blush she was sure was on her face.
it confused her even further. being the analytical person she was, she read into every look, every touch. did she leave you as flustered as you did her? did you also feel this shortness of breath, this disappearing heartbeat?
she feels your fingers gently run through her scalp. everything feels different since that night. she can't help but try to look for clues, discern your expressions, your emotions, feelings. did you also feel this foreign feeling? she had bathed with the help of many a ladies' maids, but why does it suddenly feel so intimate? as though baring her unclothed body to you was akin to baring her heart out flat? the thought terrified and thrilled her at the same time, that you might truly see her, understand her and her feelings better than anyone.
the lukewarm water trickles down eloise's back as you gently move her hair and run the washcloth over her shoulders. you're kneeling by the bathtub, steadfastly refusing to make eye contact with eloise even though you feel her eyes on you. you switch to focus on washing her legs next, taking precaution to be extra gentle with her healing foot. your mind has just drifted to the thought about how intimate giving a simple bath to your employer can be if you harbour specific feelings for them, when eloise's hand, warm from the bath, wraps around your wrist. you finally make eye contact, and the desperation and emotions you find in her eyes knocks the breath out of you.
warm, wet hands cup your face gently, and you feel drawn to wherever they are pulling you to. you wait with bated breath, afraid that she'll stop, afraid that you would stop feeling her breath on your face, noses a hair's width apart. instinctively, your eyes close, and then you feel the softest pair of lips you've ever felt on yours. the perfume from her bathwater clouds your senses as her lips run over yours a little clumsily, but the hunger in the kiss makes up for it. you have never felt this kind of unadulterated desire in any other kiss before.
you kiss back with the same amount of hunger, tongue running over the seam of her lips, silently asking her to grant you permission, and she does. your fingers sink into damp hair, the feel of which you know all too well, as hers map the curves of your face and neck, and dare to go lower. a finger runs against your collarbone, taking advantage of the first few buttons undone and splaying against your sternum. you let her pull you into the bath with her, uncaring of your dress getting wet. when she further unbuttons your dress, you don't protest, letting her hands explore.
when you pull away after what feels like hours, there is a soft smile on her face, unlike her usual smirk, blush high on her cheeks and lips swollen, hair damp and skin glowing under the lamplight. you have seen her in many situations but you think she has never looked more divine.
things change between you after that. stolen kisses and casual touches behind closed doors, not a moment out of eloise's bed at night, going to sleep with the feel of her lips on yours, her taste still in your mouth. eloise grows more confident with her touches, no longer hesitant to mess up your appearance during your stolen moments, her hands slipping beneath the hem of your shift. as her foot heals little by little, she shows you further into the estate, taking any chance she can to leave your lips swollen and your cheeks hot. everything is so picture perfect that you are afraid of the bubble bursting when you do have to inevitably return back to ton.
and, inevitably as predicted, it does. the season ends with eloise's foot still on the mend, but her family's return to the countryside, while she finds that a joyous prospect, means distance between you both. still, it's not bad, you two still get to spend most of your time together, and you both master the art of stolen moments. it is not until the next season rolls around that the bubble is well and truly shattered.
a suitor starts pursuing eloise earnestly, and eloise doesn't seem entirely opposed to the idea. you know she was still trying to get over penelope's marriage to her brother, and the end to their future plans of spinsterhood. the spiral it sent her on had caused a rift between the both of you, but there was nothing you could do to bridge the distance, no matter how hard you tried; eloise had retired to her thoughts ever since.
eloise spent less time with you, and you found yourself spending more time with her footman, john, in an effort to distract yourself when thoughts of eloise consumed you entirely. john was a good man, he made you laugh and forget your problems with eloise, if only for a moment.
eloise walks into the drawing room and finds her mother and you, so reminiscent of that first day. instead of irritation or apprehension this time, her chest fills with knots. she hasn't spoken to you properly or spent time with you in weeks. she was too preoccupied in her own thoughts and refused to let you in. you won't meet her eyes now and the heavy feeling keeps growing heavier. you feel worlds apart. she never meant for the distance to happen.
"oh, eloise dear, come here," violet exclaims. "oh this is most wonderful news. y/n is getting married!"
"to footman john. now don't be impolite, eloise, isn't it just marvelous news?"
"yes, marvelous indeed." she chokes on the words, the fear of losing you coming to life. she was so scared, preoccupied with wallowing in her spinsterhood without pen, that she pushed you away. she feels her throat start to close up. "excuse me, mama, i just remembered i have to do something."
you watch with worried eyes as eloise departs, and follow after her, seeing if she needs anything. after all, that is what your job is, and it was stupid of you to think you that your relationship with her, whatever it may have been, could ever amount to anything more.
when you walk into her room, you see eloise pacing around, clutching her chest, tears streaming down her face.
"i do not want to see you right now." hurt colours her tone.
"eloise, i-"
"you do not get to call me that! you do not get to shatter my heart and then call me that."
"what do you want me to do, eloise? you cannot expect me to sit around waiting for you while you search for a suitor for yourself." you burst out, tears of your own now making a path down your cheeks. "you can't expect me to chaperone your promenades with suitors, bear that hurt. you cannot expect that of me. not when you don't want to give us a chance, not when you don't want to give us a future."
"i- that is not true."
"if that is not true, then tell me what i am to you. tell me that you are not considering marriage with any of your suitors. how long will you keep denying yourself love, deny what you and i are? marrying any of these men will not solve anything, even though i know you think it will. i love you, eloise, i gave my entire heart to you. can you say it back?" you have moved closer to her, eyes pleading with her to respond.
but she doesn't, turns away from you. "i can't, you know i can't."
you never thought words could hurt this much. the sting of tears is still fresh when you see eloise for the last time. "then this is goodbye, eloise. i hope you manage to find happiness."
when sir phillip kisses her at the altar, her mind drifts to her last kiss, a few years ago now. the ghost of soft lips on hers, feathering light kisses across her cheekbones and eyes, of lips curving into a gentle smile against hers. she feels the wrongness of this one, the stubble rubbing against her chin, slightly rough lips. but she'll drown herself on it nonetheless, choke on it until it erases her memories from her mind, takes with it that fateful final day. she can't turn back time, so she'll settle for this, the ghost of a soft kiss and gentle arms around her.
summary: based on I can see you by taylor swift on sntv
wordcount: 1.5k
warnings: 18+ minors do not interact. I DO NOT SUPPORT JKR IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. forbidden romance, coworkers with benefit, switch!james and switch!reader, handjob, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex.
A/N: this song is so sexy i just had to. this was written in a hurry so forgive me if it's shitty.
any feedback would be greatly appreciated, but reblogs are especially helpful. have a great day!
*not edited, all mistakes are mine*
they brush past each other in one of the many hallways in the ministry of magic, chasing different leads a few months into their training year as new aurors.
it was exciting, as jimston offered them complicated cases and allowed them to work them out on their own, as most training aurors wouldn't let them out in the field so early.
but jimston had one strict rule: aurors training under him could not date during their year of training.
and well, that was quite unfortunate wasn't it? training under jimston as new aurors allowed them to see sides of each other they had not seen at hogwarts, given how different their social circles ran. james was smart as a whip and her shy exterior hid something that called to james' mischievous self. the tension was palpable whenever they were in each other's vicinity.
jimston had paired them up to work most cases together, so they sat sneaking glances day after day at desks facing each other, in a small room with two other aurors.
it was innocent at first, shy glances and shier smiles, arms brushing as they walked, joking and laughing getting to know each other, and late nights working together. everything was professional, despite how hard it got progressively.
it all came to a head one night when they were working late on a case looking for leads, the little workroom empty save for them. jackets off, shirts unbuttoned in an effort to get more comfortable in the stuffy office. james' unruly hair even moreso after running his fingers through it in frustration. she was distracted a while ago when he rolled up his sleeves, his arms on display. oblivious to the effect he was having on her, he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, her eyes following the patch of skin coming uncovered. james voice calling her name snapped her out of her haze, and as her gaze met his, darkened eyes meeting darker ones, he knew it was all about to change.
and the rest was history.
which is how james found himself pressed against the wall in a small storage closet a few months into their arrangement, his glasses fogging and her hand over his mouth while she pumped his cock with the other. her lips trailed over his jaw and neck as she increased her pace, grip tightening every time it came close to his tip. the combined sensation of her lips and hand had james reeling, moaning and whining into her hand as he got closer and closer to the edge. he was dizzy in the dim room, as the cloud of her perfume engulfed him. his eyes rolled as white hot pleasure overtook him, electrifying every nerve in his body as she whispered praises into his ear, her pace frantic now. he came all over her hand, her lips trailing his jaw to his mouth, now free and panting heavily. the kiss was all teeth and tongue, intense and quick. it had to be, their absence would surely be noticed by now.
distracted by the kiss, the feel of her hair in his hands and flushed skin under his fingertips, he didn't feel her tucking his dick back into his pants and zipping him up. only when she broke away and his lips chased hers did he realise, but he really couldn't find it in himself to care. he still kept holding her close to him, foreheads resting together, pressed against each other.
"oh my god," are the first words to leave james' mouth, making her laugh. "that was so fucking hot. merlin, woman, you are something else."
"come on," she says, "we have that meeting with jimston in a few minutes to discuss that new case." she pecked him once, flashed a smile, and left as quick as she dragged him into the closet.
james would feel her eyes on him when he was across the room, his coffee mug in hand and talking to someone else, and he'd turn away and pretend not to notice, fighting the flush rising up his neck. he'd pretend like he didn't wish to know what went through her head, like he couldn't still feel the feel of her skin on his fingertips, or know her taste. like she hadn't kissed him senseless merely a half hour ago in an unused office after he'd used his fingers and his tongue to make her cum.
or how she'd returned the favour right back, her mouth stuffed full of his cock, hand slick with his spit, fondling his balls.
james apparates outside her door now, hand raised to knock just as it swings open. she steps aside to invite him in, and she can't turn back after shutting the door fast enough before james has a hold of her face and is kissing her, fingers tangling in her hair. she moans into his mouth as his fingers lift her skirt upwards, hands curving over her thighs and hip until it reaches her underwear. his fingers are gentle as they pull it off, a contrast to the desperate way he's kissing her, as though she's his one source of oxygen.
james breaks away and slowly gets on his knees, maintaining eye contact. her back is against her front door, her chest heaving. her hair is messy from his fingers and her shirt unbuttoned; she looks an absolute mess, and james couldn't be prouder. his hands glance over her legs once more before they slowly part her folds, his breath fanning her pubic bone before his mouth makes contact with her clit. james licks and sucks at her clit while his fingers pump in and out of her. her moans and nails scratching his scalp encourage him to go faster, suck harsher until her arousal is dripping down his knuckles and she's clenching around him. he rises, kissing her again and holding on tightly as she weaves a dance around her furniture to her bedroom.
"you drive me absolutely crazy, james potter." she says, pushing him onto the bed and unbuttoning her shirt. "you don't know half the things i want to do to you."
"then show me." is his response as she straddles him, undressing him now. she kisses him deeply as he flips the both of them so that he's on top. she bites his lip and james detaches to give her a mock stern look. at her smile, he smiles back and plants kisses along her neck, drifting down to her breasts as he lines his cock up to her folds. his lips wrap around a nipple just as he pushes in, her chest arching into him. his thrusts are deep, his hands holding hers as she moans and writhes under him. james watches for a while, taking in her flushed skin and rolling eyes, her kiss swollen lips. his lips find her neck again, sucking hard enough to leave bruises. her cunt flutters around his cock, and his pace increases, his thrusts growing choppy as he moans into her ear. james reaches a hand between their bodies, rubbing her clit furiously as he encourages her to let go for him.
"cum for me, love. i've got you." james reassures her, focusing on angling his hips to repeatedly hit that spot inside her that makes her keen. she moans loudly, chest brushing his as her cunt tightens around his cock.
her legs wrap around his hips. "cum in me, james. please." she kisses him, hard, and james thrusts hard a few times before he's coming undone, moaning into her ear.
they're both shuddering from the aftermath of their orgasms, arms still wrapped around each other, bone weary and too tired to move. his fingers stroke her spine, her leg thrown over his, her head on his chest. james really doesn't want to leave. truth be told, he's sure he's addicted, he loses his mind every time her hand brushes against him at the ministry in a meeting, or when her perfume lingers in the room when she's not there. the way her foot brushes against his and the twinkle in her eyes when she looks up at him grinning. there's a pang in his heart when he thinks of this, whatever it may be, coming to an end.
"there's only a month left till our training's over." james starts tentatively. she hums in response. "where does that leave us once it's over? because in case you haven't noticed, i'm kinda addicted to you, sweetheart." it's almost a whisper, the way he says it.
she shifts and leans on her elbow, the better to look at james while she responds. "in case you haven't noticed, jamie, i'm kinda addicted to you too." she smiles. his resounding smile washes over her like the warm rays of sunlight, and she's glad she didn't keep it in any longer. james potter was the sun and she'd gladly have her heart broken if she got the chance to love him.
james kisses her then, soft and sweet and so different to all the ones they'd shared before. his arms wrapped around her, her light snores fill the room, his own not far behind. as sleep clouds his senses, the end of the month and the promise of a possible future looming in his mind can't seem to come fast enough.
summary: rafe cameron navigates grief and maybe, possibly, love?
wordcount: 1.76k
warnings: fanon rafe, mentions of drugs (very brief), death, rafe is very lovesick, fluff and pining, so much pining.
A/N: i haven't written anything in well over a year, but the words consumed me on one of my sleepless nights and this was the result. i'm not very good with dialogues, can you tell 😭
any feedback would be greatly appreciated. have a great day!
*not edited, all mistakes are mine*
the smell of old books and polished wood unlocks a trove of memories he had buried deep inside - his mother's gentle fingers in his hair as she read to him about dinosaurs and space and the constellations, when all was life and it seemed like life was perfect, through golden-hued glasses. when it felt like there was still someone who believed in him, loved him.
but with his mother's passing, games of tag turned into fistfights and into downright brawls on the playground, the sun reflected halo of blond hair making him appear every bit the kook prince he was. spine straight and air of confidence and commandeering presence not often expected from an 8 year old on a playground. and as he grew older and retreated deeper within himself, and the anger driven by sadness in him magnified, his hobbies turned into vices. the library was no longer a place he frequented as there was no reason to any longer, not without her.
grief was a fickle thing; it changed his father too, colder and more volatile, harsher whenever rafe made a mistake. it seemed, in an instant, his whole world came crashing down and took him down with it.
his eyes snap back to the girl as he came out of his mind and registered his surroundings, timid smile on her face as her lips formed around the words again.
"would you like some help? you look a little lost."
and he could say he didn't really need the help, the directions ingrained in his memory from all his visits with his mother, how the sunlight streamed through the high arched windows, the polished wood warmer and lighter wherever it touched, but her smile was sweet and she seemed genuine, and the lingering air in her wake tinged with vanilla and sandalwood made it hard to breathe, let alone part his lips to say otherwise, to tell her that he knows the way. it clouded his senses, encompassed him in every way as he followed her down the aisles, rows upon rows of books beside them.
he was out of sorts already and he'd barely spoken ten words to her. he looked at how her hair reflected the sunlight and rafe had to make a conscious effort to focus on his feet, lest he do something that made him look stupid in front of her, like reach out to find whether her hair was as soft as it looked, or what it smelled like.
"here we are. i'm right there at the desk if you need something else." and with another polite smile, she was gone. rafe was equal parts relieved and disappointed.
he picked up one of the books closest to him and read the synopsis. he'd started to think about picking up reading again, in a bid to better connect with his mother's memory that he was worried was slipping from his grasp. this book looked like something she would have enjoyed, rafe thought.
he settled down at a table and began to read, without any interruptions. he didn't really see many other people, for as big and beautiful the library was, the inhabitants of kildare were too busy to even consider going to the library an option. the teenagers were too busy boating, surfing, golfing and partying, and their parents with more or less the same.
rafe became a permanent fixture at the library that summer, always occupying the same table he and his mother used to in days long past. the girl from the front desk would sit with him sometimes, when the library had no one other than him and her and the cold airconditioned air between them. he'd gotten to know her a little by then, her name, the kind of books she liked, that they had shared 6th period history, shared acquaintances and circles and hobbies, the way her perfume was different every day; somedays vanilla, sometimes sandalwood or some flower he couldn't put a name to. the way it was citrus whenever she was happier, smile warmer and truer than the sunlight that streamed through the windows, more coveted as it was few and far between. and his heart would thud so hard against his chest that he feared it'd land right at her feet. his hands ached, gripping the delicate library books harshly so that he didn't do anything to embarrass himself; the tips of his fingertips would burn like ice, pinpricks of aching longing that almost consumed him whole.
it confused him and scared him. rafe wasn't sure love was supposed to feel this way, if it even was that. but her laughter glides along his back like honey and melts into his bones, drips down to his fingertips and to his toes, and he feels warm all over. his hands feel clammy and his cheeks hurt from smiling. he'd blame the drugs if he didn't go off them weeks ago. it terrified him, rattled him to his core, because he wasn't certain he could handle losing much more. but the heady high was too addictive and it made him feel alive in a way the drugs had never done.
he still had his bad days, days where his hands would shake with the effort it took for him not to reach over to his keys and drive out to barry's. days where he'd snap at the smallest things, when the jittery feeling would take over his chest. but he'd bury it deep down, occupy himself with something so fully that the only thought at the end of the day would be how fast he could hit the bed and go to sleep.
on the few days of the week he didn't go to the library, he occupied himself otherwise with golfing, surfing, maybe even a little photography. photography brought in him a sense of appreciation for beauty everywhere that he didn't have before.
rafe had just finished surfing and was walking back towards his beach towel when he heard someone calling his name. he turned, eyes scanning the beach until it landed on her, waving her hands to him with a big smile on her face. he allows the feeling to wash over him as he walks over to her and her friends, an involuntary smile of his own taking over his face as he hugs her back, hand against the expanse of her back. warm sand stuck to warmer skin, the salty sea air bringing him a whiff of her coconut conditioner this close. he was certain that he was drowning and it didn't bother him a bit. he snaps out of it as the hug ends and she introduces him to her friends.
"are you enjoying that book i recommended?" she asks him after her friends tell her they're going for a swim.
rafe just chuckled. "yes, i am. although, i didn't really peg you as someone who enjoyed those kinds of books."
a quirked eyebrow. rafe gulped. "and what did you peg me as, mr. cameron? solely a romance girl?"
"not solely a romance girl, but romance yes." rafe considered how much he should reveal. "you're beautiful inside and out, you're good and kind and you were nice to me when no one else would be nice, and rightfully so. i haven't deserved someone being nice to me in a long while. you belong right there in a romance novel. or a disney movie"
her eyes turned glassy and she gripped rafe's hand, their fingers slotting together. "everyone deserves that, rafe. what matters is that you're making a conscious effort to change. you're good and you have been nothing but good to me, cameron. i hope you see that."
a flash of warmth, and then it was over, too brief for his liking. clearing his throat, he diverts the topic. "my friend kelce is having a party tonight. are you coming?"
"will you be there?"
"i might if you are."
"consider me already there then." she replies with a smile.
rafe tugs uncomfortably at the collar of his green polo that he definitely did not deliberate a long time over. it's not like this was a date, he was just picking her up for the party. he sweats a little as he sends her a text indicating that he's here and debates whether he should ring the doorbell or not when the door opens and reveals her, clad in a yellow sundress.
he's short for breath, mouth hanging slightly open. he's just about to tell her how beautiful she looks when his attention is pulled by the sound of her voice.
"you look very good in green, cameron." she says, cheeks flushed and shy smile on her face - identical to the one on rafe's when hears that.
surprising to everyone but rafe, he spent the entirety of the party after greeting his friends standing by a wall talking to her. neither the drug and alcohol scene, nor the girls obviously vying for his attention for less than innocent intentions, none of it was appealing to him anymore. it was like a dark, heavy fog had been lifted and he was seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time under the sun's light.
unaware of when they had escaped the party to the nearby park, rafe found himself sitting next to her on a bench, leaning back to look at the twinkling stars overhead. he wished he had brought his camera so he could capture it and look back on it later.
the bench is small, and their bare arms brush again as she shifts to get comfortable. and even though the night is warm, goosebumps appear up and down their arms, from where their shoulders brush, down to their fingertips. wordlessly, they turn to face each other, their eyes flicking down to the other's lips.
silently, a question is asked; and silently, it is answered.
their lips meet in a tender kiss, unbearably soft and sweet, breaths tangling together, hands gently cupping faces. there was a warmth in their hearts, unbeknownst to the other, spreading outwards, engulfing them and warming them from inside out. lips curve into smiles, eyes closed and basking in the each others presence.
rafe felt like he was a king at that moment, like he could conquer anything. he wished he had his camera now to always preserve this moment forever, to capture the stars in her eyes.
he never wanted to stop kissing her. he just hoped she wanted the same. she did.
i love people's willingness to get hype over dumb shit.
I was driving home today and pull up to a light. As i'm slowing down i 👁️👁️ lock 👁️👁️ eyes with the dude in the car next to me. I spring into action, this is the moment I've been waiting for.
Now, something you must know about me is I drive around with several small plastic 🦀crabs 🦀 on my dashboard, One: for the whimsy of it all and two: on the off chance i encounter another driver who i think could benefit from witnessing them.
This young gentleman was one such someone.
As i pull up, as previously stated, our eyes lock and I hold up
one☝️ finger☝️
Perplexed by my unprompted gesticulation, the young man rolls down his window, "what the devil could this perfect stranger be about to tell me?" he might have been thinking.
I present a singular dashboard crab, green and brown, homely but not without its charm.
I study his reaction, grinning encouragingly. He's nodding, obviously intrigued by my plasticine crustacean.
I wag my finger and shake my head, removing the crab from view. Confusion again, but he leans forward, invested. I have him now.
I grab my second dashboard crab, a rotund white and brown crab, easily the most beautiful of my crabs as it sports large discernible claws of an attractive size and silhouette.
✌️ TWO ✌️ i tell him.
He's cheering now, and rightly so, as these are delightful little beasts that anyone would be happy to encounter. But now comes the clincher, time to seal the deal.
My finger wags once more. He's awestruck, I have him completely enraptured. If a car had come and smeared us both into the pavement we would not have noticed, so wrapped up in my display were we.
I bring out my showstopper: a bright pink spider crab with delicately long legs the likes of which had never before nor since been seen in mid afternoon traffic.
As emphatically as i can express, I display all three of my dashboard crabs to this man, three fingers pressed triumphantly to the glass.
the guy is loosing it in his car, mouth wide in what i assume to be a primal shout of crab derived excitement. His arms are pumping so vigorously its shaking his stationary vehicle.
We sit there, sharing in a moment of mutual jubilation, and then the light changes, and we move forward in line. He drives off, honking his horn in rapturous exultation,
and we part ways, exactly the same perhaps but changed nonetheless.
summary: bucky will help you kick your hormones' ass any day
wordcount: 975
warnings: this fic is centered around periods and pcos, so obviously those serve as warnings. mentions of puke, ridiculous amounts of fluff, soft bucky, because he is a warning in every way
A/N: i'm having one of the worst periods i have ever had and so, this fic is completely self indulgent. i don't know yet if i want to make this thing into a small series or not, but i am definitely considering it!
any feedback would be greatly appreciated. have a great day!
*not edited, all mistakes are mine*
"she gave you the key for emergencies, it's ok barnes," he reminds himself, finally fitting the key into the lock and twisting. he is met with a dark apartment and complete silence upon opening the door.
he tries calling out your name, but there's no answer, which only serves to make him even more concerned. cautiously, he sweeps his eyes over the kitchen and living room, before finally going to your bedroom.
the bedroom's dark too, so he uses the flash on his phone as he makes his way to the bed. bucky can see the silhouette of your body under the blanket but you're not moving. concerned, and with his heart going a million miles a minute, he peels back the corner and flashes the phone torch directly onto your face as he shakes you awake.
"fucking hell, barnes!" red, swollen eyes meet his concerned ones as the snarl rips its way from your throat at the bright light. "get that shit away from my face."
if he hadn't been so relieved that you were alive, he would've died from that look alone, bucky thinks as he puts his phone away.
"i was concerned! you haven't come out of your apartment for a whole day and you wouldn't respond to my texts, and now i come here and you look like death! what the hell is going on? i'm worried about you." the bed dips as he lays beside you, gently tugging the blanket away from your face again.
imploring blue eyes meet yours, adorable worried expression on his face that you had absolutely no business finding as adorable as you did. turning away from him, you answer him.
"well maybe i wanna know," bucky stands his ground. "trust me, i'm man enough to know it. i wanna know what's got you in such a state, honey."
one look at the gentle look on his face and you were already melting. fuck james buchanan barnes and that stupidly, insufferably, adorable face of his.
"it's my period," you declare with a sigh.
"i didn't realise they could get that bad," he says with a small sad frown.
"it's always like this. i have pcos and each and every period is accompanied with migraines and nausea and photosensitivity, along with all the other usual jazz."
"oh, honey," bucky wraps an arm around you, bringing you closer and snuggling you. "is there anything i can do to help?"
"no, it's fine. i took some pills. you can go, it's no use being stuck around me while i'm like this."
he just scoffs and tightens his arm around you. "absolutely not. i am, first and foremost, your friend. i am not leaving you alone like this. now go back to sleep. no buts."
knowing how stubborn he could be when he wanted to, you gave up and felt the tiredness creeping it's way back in. you fell asleep easily, what with your eyelids getting heavy and a dull ache throughout your whole body.
bucky eventually fell asleep, but was jolted awake when you dove for the large bowl next to your bed around 3 a.m. and started puking. he rubbed your back through it and helped you clean up. after that display, you were sure he'd be gone when you woke up. so it's safe to say that you were surprised when he was still there when you woke up, staring at you with a soft smile, handing you water and gatorade because "you need energy and electrolytes, i googled."
after, he helped you shower, ever so patient, drying you off carefully with a towel. this felt... strangely intimate. so very different from every thing you two have ever done before. that was not a thought you wanted to ponder yet.
you drifted in and out of sleep while he sat next to you in bed working on his laptop. you stared at him silently for a while, bathed in the late afternoon sunlight, eyebrows furrowed and the tip of his tongue poking between his lips in concentration. a strange, warm feeling was blooming in your chest, unfurling further and further every second, a gentle smile taking place on your lips.
your quiet moment of staring was brought to an end when he noticed you were awake. after asking if you were feeling better, refilling your water and are you sure you don't need any more heating pads or painkillers?, bucky finally resettled next to you. his hair was fluffy and soft and unruly, and he was wearing a worn and loose t-shirt and pyjama pants, expression soft and unguarded. it was a sight you got to see very rarely, so you savoured it as much as you could, the warm feeling in your chest returning full force.
"you didn't have to do this, y'know," you broke the silence, his fingers tangling in yours. "i'm sorry you had to see all that, i must look terrible," you said with a light laugh.
"of course i did. i wanted to." bucky holds eye contact, making sure you know that he's being sincere. he squeezes your hand reassuringly before continuing, "and besides, what are friends for? i'll help you kick your hormones' ass anytime you want."
his cheeky smile was met with an eyeroll and a grumbled out thanks. he only laughed and wrapped his arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest, pressing a small kiss to your forehead. he only tightened his hold when he felt your lips curl into a smile in his chest, one of his own taking over his face.
as bucky kept holding you, tangled in your blankets bathed in the late afternoon sunlight, a familiar warm feeling blooming in his chest, he knew he wouldn't trade it in for the world.
i know that i don't know you, but i noticed your blog!! it's so pretty and so aesthetic, i am in love with your theme!! <33 i am getting calming vibes :)
hii!!
omg thank you so much, it means a lot!! hope you have a lovely day <33
hi! can you help me find an anthony bridgerton fic? i remember reading it months ago but i cant remember who wrote it or the title. its a multi series fic where the reader was married to someone else at the beginning of the series. they moved away after getting married but then returned to the ton. the bridgerton clan learned about her return before anthony and tried to hide it but he finds out anyway from whistledown. the only thing i can remember is that the first or second chapter started with the reader banging her husband in his office. can you and your followers help me find this? im super desperate ive been scrolling through the anthony bridgerton tag for hoursss
hi! i don't remember reading anything like this but if anyone does, please help anon!!
Edit: @obsessedwithjustaboutanything possibly found what you're looking for! The series is called The Duchess by @myspy
rereading my own writing is just a constant fluctuation between "damn, girl, you wrote this? (affectionate)" and "damn, girl, you wrote this? (derogatory)"
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