No other animation studio: Pixar:
Color Me Curious

if i look back, i am lost
One Nice Bug Per Day
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ellievsbear

pixel skylines
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⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
Mike Driver

Love Begins
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

#extradirty
Doug Jones
Noah Kahan
occasionally subtle
tumblr dot com
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
NASA
almost home
ā

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@musicalsushi
No other animation studio: Pixar:
2019
Itās New Yearās Day.
The day where we all decide to look, do, and be better.
The gym is packed.
100 new people decided to move to Nashville and pursue their dreams.
Starbucks is full of people finally beginning that novel.
Yesterday we all posted a synopsis of 2018. We uploaded highlight photos of our year. Maybe your year wasnāt so hot. Your last post of 2018 was a less graceful way of saying, youāre freakin ready for 2019. Regardless, we took a moment to sum up 2018 and write what we hope for in 2019.
I quickly wrote a synopsis of my year last night. It wasnāt difficult to pin point the high points. I did a lot last year. But I quickly wrote it, to leap straight towards the next. Today I lazed out of bed thinking of the things I could have accomplished already, if Iād woke up sooner. Later I read a blog post from about 5 years ago. I couldnāt believe how far Iād come. I cried while I read it. I cried for not giving myself the time I should have given myself last night.
Iāve realized a resolution for this year I needed to make.
Allow myself the time to feel proud of me.
When you become too go-go-go in your head, your body doesnāt feel like itās capable of your expectations. You wind up stagnant instead. The need to succeed overpowers the reasons why you want to do what youāre aiming for in the first place.
Iāve recently taken up rock climbing. Rock climbing is teaching me a lot.
Itās also making my arms hella swoll, but thatās a different bonus.
There is an indoor climbing place I love, where the walls are 60 feet high. I recently went and decided to climb a route I did not fathom finishing. For being such an innocent color pink, It was a much higher level than Iāve done and it was surely daunting...I went for it anyway.
I got to a point I was sure I couldnāt get passed. After countless attempts and falls, I climbed higher. Rather than feeling discouraged by how many tries it took, I felt disbelief and pride Iād actually done it. Then I looked up. There was still so much to climb and it looked more difficult than anything Iād yet done.
I did something in that moment I donāt do nearly enough in life. In fact, you hear often not to do this. I looked down. I looked down and I saw something much different. I saw how far I had already come. I couldnāt believe what Iād been able to climb. The feeling of letting myself be surprised, humbled and proud of my strength, is what motivated me to keep going.
I went a little higher. I fell a few more times. I questioned my ability to get to the top. It made no sense in my mind I could finish, yet it also felt so feasible. I knew I could do it because Iād already climbed passed parts I was so sure I couldnāt climb.
Wanna guess how this story ends? I made it.
I didnāt really know it then, but I know now why I made it to the top. Part of it was my strength. Part of it was my climbing strategy. Part of it was my determination. Part of it were the moments I gave myself to feel proud of how far Iād come, even before Iād reached the top.
Maybe 2018 felt like a year where all you did was fall and youāre no where near the top.
While I was climbing that route, I felt so proud I was able to climb at all, if Iād made it only 1/4 of the way I would have fallen down with a smile.
Maybe 2018 was extra hard on you. Maybe you feel like you couldnāt catch a break no matter how much you went for it. Maybe you feel like you wasted time feeling beaten down. Take a moment and breathe. Listen as the air fills your lungs. Let out a smile as you finish exhaling it out. You may not feel like it, but you climbed higher last year. You made it through. You kept going. Donāt let life beat you down to the point you feel you havenāt accomplished a thing. Take a moment to feel proud of where you are, even if itās not where you wanted to be. Because even in the realization and decision to step towards whatever that looks like for you, there is a moment to feel proud.
My mom always has said, āGo forth,ā and for some reason I always take it upon myself to let it affect me negatively. Itās because I put so much pressure on the doing Iād rather not do anything. This year Iām going to feel encouraged and inspired whenever I hear those words. I know as Iām climbing up, even when I fall, as long as I keep trying my muscles are getting stronger. Eventually Iāll be hitting that top rock, then Iāll let out a big grin as I make my way to the next, and more difficult climb.
I think Iāve been too afraid to write. Writing makes it real. Iāve purposefully put off writing songs about boys, even when the melody is screaming in my mindā¦because Iām desperate not to fall for them. This is like thatā¦only about so many more things than just a boy.
Ā I woke up today from a crazy dream. Ironically waking up to what Iām living felt more like falling asleep to an even crazier dream.
Everything thatās happening right now, I feel like Iāve already dreamed it. But it feels like a nightmare I already woke up from. Iāve had more dejavuās and moments I know for absolute fact I dreamed, than is able for me to not be just a little shaken up. Itās a gut twisting, intestines pulling, heart stabbing feeling this was always and somehow never, supposed to happen. How do you live with that feeling? What do you do with it? It feels like Iām doing the right things, and it feels like Iām making the biggest mistakes of my life. None of my choices feel anywhere close to right anymore. But maybe some of them still are. Maybe my heart still knows what my brain is pushing me to doubt. Itās shoving me into a corner full of knives poking out of the wall and piercing me from behind. The pain is so intense, itās all I can feel. I can hardly see the stage. I can barely hear my band. I canāt make out my house in the autumn. His eyes are disappearing. Iām disappearing. I did that once before; the winter of my first year in Nashville, andĀ I swore Iād never do it again. I completely lost myself. I let myself go numb. I stopped caring if Iād ever even make it to a stage. I stopped caring to find any sort of friends I could call my community. I stopped believing I deserved any of it.
And then they found me; who I realized I wanted and truly needed more than anything elseā¦my community. They found ME. I didnāt even have to look. They came out of absolutely no where and took me in. They swept me up and spun me around, I mean literally. And then I found me, someone crazy and wild. Someone Iād always been. Someone I never could believe anyone else saw. But they found it in me after Iād lost it in me. They brought it back out. They were the first people to convince me without even trying I was the beautifully wild and luminous girl I felt but never could see. I saw it with them.
I donāt know how they did it, but they did. And the rest started to comeā¦I could see my band again. I could hear the music. I could see the hope rising in the eyes of people who came to see me play, I could hear their laughs at my stupid jokes. I could feel the sun beaming down even when it was pouring rain⦠I still ran around like it was a crisp autumn day.
I woke up every morning Ā to a window view of giant hills and beautiful leaves. Sometimes I woke up to white blankets and flawlessly leafless branches. I woke up every day to somebody asking how I was or if Ā they could see me. Every day I thought the same exact thing. I canāt believe I get to wake up here. And it didnāt matter what was happeningā¦The bad stuff didnāt matter.
As soon as I was in someones passenger seat and the windows were downā¦In the den having a dance party with people crazier than meā¦In a living room digging into The Bible and sharing stories⦠I looked around and it was home. Thatās what mattered. And I felt so close to everything. In part I was already living my dreamsā¦My biggest dream was to simply belong. For the first time in my life, I truly felt like I belonged, and I KNEW I did. Not to downgrade any beautiful person or any beautiful experience in my life that came before, I simply canāt explain the sinking feeling that still, a bolt had been somewhere missing inside. I found that bolt.
Now that bolt feels 701 miles away.
I had 3 days off of work in a row this week. Typically I would see multitudes of people at the same time or spend entire days with someone having random adventures. Iām used to that now. I might be recording the next track on my EP or having my release show by nowā¦I might be jamming with someone Iām pretty sure is gonna be my guitarist or writing an angry song with a friend at 1 am.Ā
People call and ask if in 10 minutes I want to go hiking with them and I get to say yes. This weekend I cried. This weekend it hit me harder than it has since being back in Florida. There are people here who I love so dearly. So many things have become so complicated Iāve become terrified to reach out at all. Iāve had my heart pushed through a paper shredder. I canāt take anymore. Everything I do makes a bigger mess so instead Iāve removed myself from the picture. I physically canāt take it. I feel my chest caving in just thinking about it. Iām feeling all of the things I felt before I left this place. Thatās why I left. Iāve been violently pounding those feelings down by brightening customerās days and trying to create a community with people who have no idea; theyāre the people I have right now. Iāve been violently pounding those feelings down by refusing to journal. I canāt write them down. If I write them down that means they are in me to writeā¦because Iām not really living this life.
Iām at home. Iām in my bed, and tomorrow Iām waking up to snow on the ground. I still feel like I might Ā wake up to that all of the time, but thatās what happened the day we got in our car and left 10 months ago. I think I wake up feeling lost and disoriented; with a heart beating wild as though a lion were at my feet⦠because Iām waking up somewhere I still am not expecting to be. I didnāt even get a warning.
I was sprinting through to my biggest dreams becoming realā¦They were actually happening. Then, in a matter of 2 days; 2 days: I was driving 701 miles away from everything I finally was getting to live.
It happened in 2 days. And even then I thought it would be for maybe 3 weeks. 3 months went by. Then suddenly I had 2 weeks. 2 weeks to travel back to my home and pack up my life into boxes. 2 weeks with the only time seeing the people who brought my eyes back to light, being the 2 days they helped me move my boxes into storage. And this is after not seeing them for 3 months. Now itās been almost a whole year. Iām starting to realize why Iām a little bit screwed up.
I still picture 601 Old Hickory Blvd, Brentwood, Tennessee with my cream fuzzy blanket outside on the deck and my song book sitting on top of my piano and my giant teddy bear sitting at the edge of my bed. Someone else is living there now. My mind has yet to process that. It still feels like any day now Iāll be driving back up and everything will look the same. But now I have a job with people I care about more than they know, who ask me questions about my life Iām speechless to answer. I actually drive now and I have a job and Iām doing things I couldnāt even fathom having done beforeā¦Iām brave. And yet most of the time I feel like this weak little girl. Iām glad for this time because of who Iāve becomeā¦and Iām tormented by this time because of who I feel Iām losing⦠Because of what I feel Iām losing.
God, this is me in the bluntly honest, raw and vulnerable. I feel so lost I canāt fathom anything as being right in this anymore.Ā I donāt know what to do about anything in any part of my life. Please remind me youāre still in this with me. I love you and I still trust you, but I feel shattered. Please make me whole again.
I canāt fathom how far Iāve come since writing this...and now much has changed. I was back in Florida, after having to suddenly leave my home here when this was posted. Now Iāve been back in Tennessee m for almost 3 years. Reading this made me cry. Iād forgotten what it was really like. God has done beautiful things through this, but also- some of it still aches like a broken bone that never fully heals.
I went to a launch party for @wearehercollective where I met the hearts where this community was once an idea, and they were genuine and beautiful. We all have the desire to know people, but also to be known. The word āHerā stands for- āHeard, Encouraged, Respected.ā Itās all too easy to get caught up in our heads. We arenāt the only ones feeling and experiencing what we are in this life. Her Collective is not only a website of blogs, videos and motivational playlists reminding us of that, but a community of women who want to hear from you about your life and what you need. THEY know the need to be known, and want to make sure you are. This is only the beginning of something I believe is going to be a safe and empowering place for women everywhere. And for Nashville, I canāt wait for more events to take place. Be it volunteering, dance classes, or mimosas and conversations in a house. Lookout for those Tennessee, they are coming soon.⨠(at Nashville, Tennessee)
this film was a masterpiece
IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS PHOTOSET ALL MY LIFE
Oh my gosh š
Iām your rose colored girl.
I donāt know if itās something she did, something youāre doing, or something Iām just feeling.
Iām far more guarded than I ever meant or wanted to be.
Thatās what happens when you love hard I suppose.
Dear love,
Iļøām astonished and illuminated youāre a person in my life now.
Iļø am thankful in ways every last flower picked and delivered to your warm, home feeling hands would never show.
Love however, is still a choice. Iļø will not lose any pieces of me due to giving more to you.
Iāve done that before.
If all you tell me is true, with the exception we both will be humans who disappoint and hurt each other at times- this is an equal exchange of time put aside, hands grabbed, and sweet affirming words expressed.
We both have decided to begin living with the gradual growth of our lives building together as they still do apart.
But Iām here now. Only tell me Iāve made my way that intensely deep into your heart, when youāre not afraid of how your world will react.
Secret
The more inspirational and encouraging things I post the more Iām probably going through and itās actually just me speaking it out loud to myself in order to get through and hoping someone else is helped in the process.
This will always be true of me.
Hello again, tumblr universe.
You are in fact a world of your own. Before Facebook had memes and videos constantly being shared...and people began to use statuses as one giant outlet to contemplate life; there was you.
But as you breathe still, there are memes, poetry, thoughts-that would never dare enter the world of another social media platform. Even if these posts found their way outside this tumblrverse, the humans who didnāt spend their middle and high school 4 amās reblogging until their eyes were watering, wouldnāt understand.
Iļø havenāt blogged in a very long time. Iļø stopped writing for a smoking hot minute, until Iļø picked my journal back up. Thereās magic when pen hits a page, but thereās something in the sound of your fingers tapping the keys on your device; feeling the potential, someone may laugh or relate to what chooses to come forth.
After all, are we really deciding what to write?
I think the only real choice we make is to start writing. The rest is up to the rumblings in our core, we previously did not even realize were there.
Lets catch up more tumblr.
-IS