A story from @littlestequine
So this young girl was having a lesson and you could tell that by 20 minutes in her and the horse were fighting each other more and more. The girl clearly very upset and so was the horse. So her trainer called her in.
Now to be fair on my behalf this arena is very small and everyone can hear everything. I felt a bit bad for listening but I was so happy that I did because I seriously admired how she went about this. Also, I’m trying with my very poor memory to get this word for word, so if it doesn’t sound as good at least ya’ll get the point.
The girl dismounted and went over to her trainer. She began saying how she didn’t think she was good enough for the horse she was riding, that they haven’t been Improving, that no matter how often she rode her they they couldn’t nail it, etc.
The trainer looked at her and said, “So, you’ve been working with her Almost everyday for just under 2 months, and you’ve owned and more importantly have only been riding this mare for only a few weeks longer. I want to tell you the best and most important piece of advice anyone has ever givin me, so just hear me out okay?
"3 months may seem like a long time for you to be trying to get this right, but have you every thought of the horse? And her perspection of time? I was once told that a horse takes at minimum about a year and a half to truly accept a person as their own, to truly and fully start trust Someone. I was about your age when I was first told this and I didn’t want to listen to it because I thought that a year and a half is a insane amount of time to wait to figure out if my horse is going to like me. I remember being mad about it, to be honest I threw a fit and walked out with my horse in hand on that trainer. I was so angry at the time, probably just how you are feeling now. I never went back to her until about a year later. I took my horse home, I rode him every day trying to train harder and more effectively to prove that I could get the horse to do it on my terms. I was the rider, I could make it happen.
"Now I’m not proud of how I was at this age but it’s something I hope everyone can learn from. I worked my horse everyday, and eventually we did get there. I had him doing exactly what I wanted to I was so proud. I did it despite what my old trainer said.
"But as I was getting closer to my riding goals, I seems to be getter further away from my horse. He would no longer let me halter him, he would run, wouldn’t stand tie would paw and act out. The truth was he didn’t want to be around me because all I did with him is make him work, and work hard. He wasn’t enjoying. Then one day he had enough of me and left me In the middle of an eventing feild and didn’t look back, we didn’t find him for three days.
"While he was gone I was so worried about him, I was scared. The moment he got back to the barn I ran to him, but he pulled back and reared up. I wanted to be so close to him but he couldn’t get away faster. I thought we were doing so good for only riding together for 4 months how could the horse not like me!? Can’t he see how great we are together, how awesome we are!? But he didn’t see it that way, to him I was still a stranger, he didn’t know me, all he knew was the work I made him do. I was the only one winning. I sold him a few months later because I was convinced we weren’t bonding anymore. Little did I know, we never started to bond in the first place.
"A few months later I got my new horse. He was everything I ever wanted and I was so excited to win with him. I needed to win.
"My parents thought my attitude was getting worse towards my horse I had no patience. I needed to make everything happen now, and if I couldn’t do it I was awfully upset. So they sent me back to my old trainer.
"The first lesson back with her was simple. I rode and she told me how to, didn’t say much, just taught.
Three lessons later, my new horse threw me. I was trying to make him go over a jump and he was not ready for it so I pushed him until he tossed me. He took off in a big freak out. The horse ran and ran and wouldn’t stop, I was scared I couldn’t catch him.
"My trainer told me to go to the other end of the arena and stay there. I thought my horse was crazy, but as soon as I left he started to settle down. My trainer was able to catch him and she called me over.
"She asked me, ‘what does your horse enjoy?’
"I remember looking at her blankly and saying, 'I mean he likes working and jumping.’
"I remember my trainer looking very displeased with me and my parents running into the arena to make sure I was okay. My parents and my trainer talked for a long time.
"When my parents came back out they said to me that I had 2 weeks to work with my horse with my trainer. If at the end they all thought I wasn’t improving, they were selling him.
“I asked, 'What do I have to do?’
"My trainer looked at me and replied, 'It’s easy, I want you to get your horse to let you halter him. To follow you.’
“ 'No, he doesn’t like what happens when he’s haltered’
"This made me mad, I screamed, 'Fine! I will.’
"The first day chased him around the pen fot hours, screaming. He wouldn’t come.
"The next day I chased him again. I did this for the next three days.
"On that third day I gave up and sat on the ground crying because I knew I couldn’t do it.
"My parents brought me back the next day and left me there. I didn’t want to do anything with my horse. So I just sat in his pen picking grass. Then, something happened. Very slowly, my horse started to come closer to me.
"Now I sat every day in that pasture waiting until that horse would come to me, and eventually he did. I could halter him, and unhalter him without a fight.
"At the end of those 2 weeks of me just sitting there he would let me come to him.
"Now I bet you’re wondering why I’m telling you this 'pointless’ story of me in my bratty teenage days.
"The point is, if you force the horse she’ll never do what you want her to do, or she’ll do it out of fear. You might be happy but she won’t be. You have to give her something for her to give you something. She has to want to be with you.”
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