[muzzlebeast]

for any confused mutuals:

napworthysunbeam -> now muzzlebeast

This is my main blog, just a URL change.

@napworthysunbeam is now my 'reblog blog'

Tag system in the tags here.

:-]

[muzzlebeast]

and green tea. and putting the laundry on.

[muzzlebeast]

time for rice porridge cooked in stock and garnished with spring onions from my garden and a boiled egg and some other stuff

[muzzlebeast]

tw addiction

i am tempted to ask [new healthcare practitioner] to do urine drug testing for me at my appointments to keep me accountable. i won’t want to disappoint her which will help dissuade me from using weed to cope (largely with sensitive tummy symptoms/nausea/emetophobia, anxiety, boredom, and insomnia)

and to instil a real threat i want to give her my dad’s mobile number and if i fail a test or two she will call him and tell him that i have. (he does not know i use medicinal cannabis so this would be kind of awful)

i wonder if this is extreme and stupid or if it might actually help me get and keep my head straight lmfao. accessing medicinal weed is super easy and i’m habitually ingrained to cope with it. and yes there is shame involved obviously… i just have not been coping any better…. ugh. ughhhhh

[muzzlebeast]

cabbage kimchi.

[muzzlebeast]

woke up thinking about backrooms 2026. it was creepy!!

[muzzlebeast]

5.19am another restless night. But chacha is tucked under a BLANKET bc of how chilly it is 🥹🫶 he doesnt normally let me do that

[muzzlebeast]

tumblr being the only social media i have is weird when i still have the compulsion to "check" all my social media apps.

in years gone by, i would cycle through tumblr, instagram, facebook, snapchat (lmao) and constantly look for notifications, messages, and check newsfeeds/stories. even if i was bored of it. even if there was nothing new to see. it was just this dopamine-seeking loop of futility and wasted time lol. intermittent positive reinforcement

now whenever my brain goes down that road, i find myself checking my emails and tumblr dash like 5 times in a row until my lizard brain finally realises there's no treat, no novelty piece of information to see... and my time and attention is better off directed at a different activity. breaking habits is hard, and i've been diagnosed with adhd twice - the compulsive dopamine-seeking trap makes sense - AND i know my attention is precious and worth fighting for against the path of least resistance that is all too conveniently available

[muzzlebeast]

how to bridge gap between thinking about doing, and actually doing

[muzzlebeast]

I honestly forgot the caged animal desperation feeling of being in a suboptimal living situation/environment and having no actionable immediate plans to get out of it. I won’t succumb to hopelessness bc I’ve changed my own situation plenty of times before, but it does feel particularly suffocating before an assured light at the end of the tunnel has been identified and secured lmao

[muzzlebeast]

somehow we accidentally ran out of white rice, so for dinner last night (hot smoked black pepper salmon, broccoli J’s way) i steamed quinoa grains instead of rice! it was different and interesting and i really liked the texture of it.

[muzzlebeast]

2 boiled eggs with salt pepper olive oil, and a coconut water latte

is it a latte? the coconut water takes the place of milk

[muzzlebeast]

remember the importance of vitamin D!

[muzzlebeast]

relief is on the other side of change is on the other side of bravery in the face of fear

in short: relief is on the other side of fear? so i'd better face it or let that shit go...

[muzzlebeast]

depression that makes me stop being able to enjoy/engage with music feels Exactly like being ushered out of my own existence to look at everything from the other side of a glass wall.

[muzzlebeast]

come boil some eggs with me

[muzzlebeast]

cats = awesome fuzzy muzzle havers