[toshio]

this is the money bear. reblog to keep your 2017 filled with great wealth and fortune

[exioh-blog]

Welcome to the New Era

[trcshymemes]

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

[lawlliets]

🐰☁️💤

[memesandthings]

TEXT MESSAGE STARTERS ! Send one of the prompts below to get a response from my muse.

drunk texts:

( ✉ → sms ) plea se eh elep me im drunk and i dotn know whe re i am

( ✉ → sms ) i fukcing miss yo u

( ✉ → sms ) i look so fuckigjn GOOD

( ✉ → sms ) i csnst stop throwiging up

( ✉ → sms ) fu ck you  for hurting me

( ✉ → sms ) why dotn you ever call me anymore huh

( ✉ → sms ) stop being so fuckigjn borign and coekm to my party

( ✉ → sms ) i dropped my pzziza o nt eh floror im fuckgin pissed

( ✉ → sms ) i j sut left you a 3 mintue long voicemail singing. sorry

( ✉ → sms ) even when i’m durnk ic ant sotp thinking about oyu

hateful texts:

( ✉ → sms ) you’re pathetic

( ✉ → sms ) you make me miserable

( ✉ → sms ) fuck you. delete my number.

( ✉ → sms ) you never meant anything to me, anyway.

( ✉ → sms ) fuck your apologies, you can keep them.

( ✉ → sms ) congrats on always ruining everything

( ✉ → sms ) my life would be so much easier without you.

( ✉ → sms ) and next time you feel like calling me… don’t.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.

( ✉ → sms ) if your goal was to make me hate you, then congratulations. mission accomplished.

misc/random texts:

( ✉ → sms ) i think my neighbor is an alien.

( ✉ → sms ) help me think of a name for my new dog

( ✉ → sms ) sooooo… what was your first impression of me

( ✉ → sms ) should i get pizza or chicken wings for dinner?

( ✉ → sms ) no one’s ever made me feel the way you do.

( ✉ → sms ) i borrowed your weed. hope you don’t mind.

( ✉ → sms ) why do they say drugs are bad when they make you feel so good

( ✉ → sms ) today is the oldest you’ve ever been, but the youngest you’ll ever be again…

( ✉ → sms ) [ File Attached: 001329.jpg ] of all the drunk pictures i have of you, this one is my favorite.

( ✉ → sms ) i used your pics to catfish someone, and since they bought me a laptop… you have a date with them tomorrow.

[brians-kinneys-deactivated20161]

[mveons-blog]

[ xpurin ]

( SMS - my prince ) - hhhh you’re so confident heheh~ yes just this once~~ - awwww TT.TT ive missed you too, stop being busy!! TT.TT - ok that’s a very good point, but you have to hurry before i starve to deathhhh!! - Oh im at the dorm~ but the others are busy so it’s just me, i think hyejeongs here but shes like hiding away in her room~

[ sms: baby girl ♡ ] ㅋㅋㅋ if only things could work out that way ㅠㅠ it’s okay though, i get to come home to you~ ♡ ah i’m hurrying, don’t die on me!!!!!! i’m coming to the rescue! okay NICE! heheh, soooo.. we’ll be alone then? (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

[cwote]

Be yourself. People don’t have to like you, and you don’t have to care.

[mveons-blog]

[ kiyeom ]

“What kind of hoobae would I be if I didn’t, hyung.” He replied with a smile, the protest of his hyungs at how he’d changed from acting in such a way with them never failing to make their appearance. “Are you sure you have enough time to be with me, hyung? ..You always seem so busy lately.” Yugyeom admits, his voice hinting at the timidness he always seemed to feel around the latter, whose group he couldn’t help but admire.

❝You would still be one of the best, please!❞ Joonmyun chuckles softly and couldn’t help but smile along before he’s turning his attention towards the small coffee stain on his shirt, grimacing to himself as he attempts dabbing it away with one of the napkins-- thankful he hadn’t actually opted to wear that fancy new shirt of his. ❝Yes, I’m sure. I made time specially for you! Ah, aren’t we all busy though?! I’m sure your schedule must be packed as well, I’m glad to have caught you now. How are things going, mm?❞ He grins at the younger male, giving up on trying to rid the stain while taking a sip of the Starbucks in his other hand.

[mushysuggestion]

My life has been so loud and confusing, but when I look at you, everything makes sense 

[mveons-blog]

you are my ☀️ my only ☀️ you make me 😊 when ☁️ are gray~~

You'll never know dear, how much I love you~ Please don't take my sunshine away!!~

[mveons-blog]

[ chunlihair ]

               【 » @mveons followed for a short starter. 】

❝ Don’t make me lie to you. Please. ❞ A lie that he suited the shirt (which he definitely didn’t) but she had been trying to be nice about the whole situation and yet he had opted to purchase the hideous thing. Yet, she’d uttered the before words accidentally and he probably had no clue as to what the younger meant, or at least she thought.

Joonmyun had barely caught her words and chose to promptly dismiss them in favor of praising the shirt in his possession, waving it at her by the hanger hook. ❝Puh-lease! This is the most snazzy thing I’ve ever seen, I need it! I doubt there will ever be any occasion to wear it, but still.❞

[mveons-blog]

Talk About Them & Imyovna

Send me “talk about them!” + a url and I’ll talk about that person.

❝Oh, Tuna noona! She’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever had a chance to meet, although I don’t see her like at all these days I’m glad to know her! Ah, what am I saying.. I consider her to be one of my best friends, I just hope she’s doing well! I send my best wishes to her, and also go Girl’s Generation!!!!! SONE forever~❞

[mveons-blog]

talk about them + your physician

Send me “talk about them!” + a url and I’ll talk about that person.

❝… do they legitimately have to be a physician or can my mother count? I go to her for all problems concerning my health, though I do have to say that the most serious case was just the common cold. I’m healthy as a horse!❞

[rp-ask-memes-deactivated2026012]

send me “talk about them!” + a url and I’ll talk about that person

[wnq-anonymous]

Rejection doesn’t hurt, expectation does. Lying doesn’t kill, denial does. Forgetting doesn’t heal, forgiving does.

Anonymous  (via wnq-anonymous)

[ineedmorebigsweaters]

things to say during sex:

wubba lubba dub dub

ricky ticky tavvy bitch

and awaaaaaay we go!

hit the sack, jack

uh oh, summersault jump!

AIDS

and that’s why I always say “shum shum schlippity dop”

no jumping in the sewer

burger time!!

rubber baby buggy bumpers

lick lick lick my balls