Mulligrubs

A state of depression or low spirits.

[mvlligrvbs]

I will always love you, wherever I am. I always have, always will.

[mvlligrvbs]

One last time.

And for a moment I remember the first time I moved in..

Ten. i was ten when I moved here.

Fourteen years later I never imagined i would have to say goodbye.

My relationship with you is something I would always remember

But I guess this is goodbye, for good.

Maybe we'll see each other someday.

And maybe I'll pass by to say hi once in a while.

Everything is bittersweet.

And I'm alright with that. 

[mvlligrvbs]

This is not me but I just have to air this one out.

you are a GIANT DICK.

I have been nothing but the nicest to you but you still are A BIG FAT DICK.

i need you so much right now but you keep pushing me away. but whenever you need me I would always be there for you.

i hope someday you find someone who treats you the same way you treat me so that you'd feel how shitty i feel

fucking asshole

fjlnsddjkfknsdf

ugh.

i am going to try my best to forget about you.

my biggest regret was knowing you.

i hate how much i cared for you.

I did everything for you because i thought in my heart you would do the same things for me.

FUCK YOU.

fucking dick.

[mvlligrvbs]

I am losing you and I am so sorry that I can't do anything about it.

I've been trying to reach you but if you think that this is for the best, then go. Just let me at least know what your plan is.

But always always remember, I will love you, the same way I did when I told you. And you will always be a part of me.

I carry you with me wherever I go.

And there is no day that I do not think of you.

I miss you, and I love you.

With all that I am, and with all that I'll ever be.

I am so proud of where you are.

And I will always love you.

Always.

[mvlligrvbs]

I need to move on, and live.

[mvlligrvbs]

There are going to be friends we go out of our way for who never quite acknowledge us in return, who will never be there to listen to our problems, who will never drive out in the middle of the night to pick us up when we’re in trouble — no matter how much we do these things for them. 

[mvlligrvbs]

At this moment in your life you must reach the bottom. Sit and feel the anguish and let it burn your soul. You do not cope, you must experience the suffering. Do this wholly and without flinching. When you do this you will reach the bottom. And after this you may leave and continue your life. Do not let it fester, do not let it exhaust you forever.

[mvlligrvbs]

I am in love with your memory, not with you.

Repeat a million times.

[mvlligrvbs]

I am running out of borrowed time.

Tonight's dinner was a reminder to myself. And I wish they didn't have to witness what was transpiring.

I know I should tell them, but I can't.

I just wish I had someone I could tell this to without complexities.

It's hard to keep everything to myself. But I have to.

After all, this is all my fault.

Horrible things for horrible me.

I deserve this. For everything I've done.

I am extremely sorry.

[mvlligrvbs]

sometimes I wonder how different things would be years from now. That is, if they will be, and if life wont continue dragging us down.

I can't stop thinking about the people you give your heart to and the people you value. And on what would happen to them.

In the end we're all just passing through. We come and we go. That's life.

[mvlligrvbs]

it's extremely hard to carry on when the world has not been giving you a break.

and i guess this is how it ends.

i give up, life.

i am quitting you.

[mvlligrvbs]

And I just die inside little by little, and I fake it with a smile and I force myself to be okay, not because I want to but because I have to be. There is no other option. And every day I dream that things would slowly fall into their place but they just keep falling apart.

[mvlligrvbs]

And maybe this time it'll be different.

Different form the last time but the same as the other time.

Maybe I just need to stop.

[mvlligrvbs]

The thing I hate about pain is that it demands to be felt. No matter how hard you try to ignore it, it would still be persistent. And then there is time. Time is a slut as she screws everybody. And when the slut and the pain goes together it's like having cancer and wishing death would just come and pay a visit. But then again after all failed efforts you wake up in the same bed with the painful slut and live with her until she slowly decides to leave.

And then there's love - I hate how love is a promise. Because sometimes people don't understand promises when they make them. And when they can't fulfil it you feel hurt. but then they still persist to keep the promise anyway. That's what love is I guess, keeping the promise anyway even if you can't fulfil it.

But that I guess is what makes these things go so well together. They do not destroy you in the end, they reveal the true you. And as the shards of whatever was lift slowly peels off from your skin, you tend to understand how these scars and the pain were put into your life to remind you of things that were left unsaid, when words cannot tell you what you have to learn and realize.

I need to remember that pain is like fabric. The stronger it is the more it's worth. But when the pain gets worse the body shuts down. Consciousness is temporary, and it too shall pass. but as always i feel as if I am left on the shore with my wounds open while the waves are washing over me. Like i am left to bleed dry while I'm unable to drown.

I guess I am in a universe where everything revolves around the creation and eradication of awareness. And i think I am slowly succumbing to death as a victim of a lengthy battle with consciousness - as so with everyone else, with the need of the universe to make and unmake things.

And maybe it's because of these that I want to make the people I love feel like there is forever in my limited number of days, to hide my sadness beneath the cracks of my smile, and to let them know that I'm trying my best to be okay, even though I know that I am slowly succumbing to whatever untimely demise that is waiting for me.

[mvlligrvbs]

I don't wish to happen to you what you have done to me.

You were always priority to me. 

I guess It's true - the minute they know you care, they will walk all over you.

Been one too many times this happened. Don't say you're sorry.

I need to distance myself.

Don't tell me you're sorry. Show me.

Don't be mad. it's just a brand new kind of me.

[mvlligrvbs]

And maybe this time I should detach myself from you.

I'm tired of caring when you obviously don't give a rat's shit about me.

[mvlligrvbs]

I need to stop feeling like I'm a bad person.