Starters: Things I Have Said While Playing Video Games
“I will shove your throat down your throat.”
“Oh. Oh, you have just called up the devil. You will tremble before me, and beg for mercy, and I’ll laugh in your stupid face because FUCK YOU.”
“I will fucking end you. I will end you so hard that your ancestors will feel shame and your family will weep upon your grave.”
“NO, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?”
“I mean, he is only avenging his dead brother. You can’t really begrudge him that.”
“Are you fucking sweating on me?”
“Oh. Veeeeery clever, you massive cockmuffin.”
“Everything is pain and I regret going down this path!”
“STOP BRINGING DRUGS THROUGH CUSTOMS.”
“Oh, great, more naked people.”
“I’m sorry for invalidating your gender identity!”
“What?! That was my fucking money! Fuck you, secret police.”
“I hate living in a communist country.”
“NO, I DON’T WANT TO JOIN YOUR SECRET CLUB.”
“Okay. So. We had to kill your uncle to make life easier for all of us.”
“I show up, and everything’s on fucking fire. For the love of God, how? And why?”
“Oh joy. More tedious drudgery.”
“If I were a lesser man, I’d be shitting myself right now.”
“He might actually be gayer than me. Unlikely, but possible.”
“Sigmund Freud would have a goddamn FIELD day with this.”
“I appreciate you inviting me to your strip club.”
“This was supposed to be a stupid joke. How did it get so real?”
“Do not fuck the doctor! What is wrong with you?”
“OH MY GOD THAT IS NOT HOW LOVE WORKS”
“I want to be the spiritual embodiment of pudding.”
“Nothing inspires a murderous rage in me more than comic sans.”
“Okay, I’m sorry I killed everyone you love, but can’t we talk about this?”
“I wish my legs were as fabulous as yours.”
“Oh, you think I won’t arrest you because we’re friends? Is that what you fucking think? Well you’re fucking RIGHT.”
“I just stabbed a bitch to death with a pair of scissors. God, I love Tuesdays.”
“Part of me wants to fuck you. The other part wants to laugh at you for looking like a My Chemical Romance reject.”
“Oh, fuck you for trying to teach me a lesson about morals.”
“Literally nobody asked your opinion.”
“Fuck you, you’re not my mom.”
“I want to slather you with bees.”
“I’ve never been so aroused and terrified in my life.”
“Here’s an idea: go to church.”
“Something about you just looks evil.”
“Finally! I’ve turned you gay!”
“Fuck me up, anthropomorphic Daddy.”
“I’m starting to come to the conclusion that you’re kind of a dick.”
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