Mvvnlightea

I am that I am, and I am nothing

[tankhall]

uuuu knowwwwww…. i’ve gotttttt….. mooooood swings that i got no control offffff……

[kingdynamite1]

i can lead you to bed

but i cant make you sleep

[stonemsbaker]

I hope I die today,

save me from another late night

with red eyes

[mvvnlightea]

hiii :) i'm kinda new to the Ethel Cain world and was wondering if you had the first Hayden tracks or a list of the songs + where i could get them plsss

Hiii, honestly I don’t know if she wants people to look for her older stuff, such as the songs she made before 2019. Recently, she said we can freely listen to her unreleased songs but I would not recommend investigating her past too much in order to be as respectful as possible towards her :). Btw, I found this on reddit where someone listed the songs we can listen to and that can easily be found on Soundcloud.

[mvvnlightea]

I flipped the album covers as Hayden intended @tankhall

[tankhall]

In 2018, I wrote down a passing thought in my cheap little leather-bound journal I was writing a collection of songs in that would go on to become Preacher’s Daughter. “If I finish this album the way it needs to be finished, it will change my life, and it will leave a hole in my heart for years that I won’t know how to fill.” I’ve always had a knack for eerily accurate self-premonition. Preacher’s Daughter certainly left a hole, and it certainly changed my life, but only on the outside. All the songs I wrote for it were about characters, a girl in a “faraway” place living her “faraway” life, albeit still parallel to mine, but wholly detached from me. Willoughby was doomed to be closer to home. I wrote Nettles and Waco the same week, the first week I spent in the Alabama house where I would finish Preacher’s Daughter after so many years of trying. The difference was I wrote them about me. There were no characters at first; it was just me. In fact, I wrote them in an attempt to hide from Ethel Cain for a moment. She eventually devoured those little ditties too, of course, as she always does. In hindsight, I’m glad I had to share them with her. I couldn’t have carried the full weight of them myself, I know that now. My premonitions were out in full force; over the course of the next few years, I’d script out my own life in the same morbid fashion I always have. Maybe it was a lesson in not training my eye downward as I’ve spent the majority of my life doing.

I had 3 weeks for the holidays between mixing and submitting Perverts and jumping back into the maw of taming an unfinished Willoughby Tucker. I spent the first three months of 2025 on probation, unable to go much of anywhere, awake only when the sun was down. I’d never mixed a record of that magnitude, which was daunting with deadlines immovable. I remember 9am on my 27th birthday rolling around after being awake for hours whittling away at mixes, announcing the album and entire tour before going back to mix an album that still wasn’t done. I’ve never cried so much finishing a record, and that was before it was even out. Combining your Saturn return, your first shot at true love, and the longest tour of your life is something I would never recommend to anyone. It was the death of both ego and everything around it. I couldn’t be more grateful. Never in my life have I been so turned inside out, so uprooted and unraveled. Looking back, I needed it more than anything.

Thank you to everyone who listened. Ethel Cain and Willoughby Tucker will always be my children, my burnt offerings, what I leave in the storm. Sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I also fear it’s the only way. Ethel Cain, Willoughby Tucker, I really will always love you. I feel as though in this moment here, saying goodbye, you and I are closer than ever. I hope you can forgive me.

[mvvnlightea]

God, I’ve just finished crying re-listening to the album from start to finish, and now I’m crying reading this. Hayden THANK YOU SO MUCH for what you’re doing, it means a lot to each of us. I can’t even describe how your works mean to me, it’s unexplainable how I listened to this album and I was never the same. It just resonates with a specific and nostalgic period of my life I’m still not able to overcome. I will be thankful to you forever, really. It’s not even possible for me to put into words my love for this album, I FEEL IT through every organ of my body, in my bones. Willoughby and Ethel live in my heart, and you Hayden, thank you again for everything, for writing and producing this masterpiece of an album and sharing it with us despite your pain. I’ll always love you.

[mvvnlightea]

Future

Blame!, Nihei Tsutomu

[deardollysblog]

[mvvnlightea]

My preacher’s daughter cd arrived (2 days ago, idk why) and it looks very pretty!🌸 @tankhall

[tankhall]

ethel cain

[mvvnlightea]

I don’t know her

[tankhall]

[mvvnlightea]

Breathtaking❤️

[tankhall]

i’m not precious abt my unreleased music anymore btw, yall can listen to literally whatever u want and enjoy it. sorry for being 25 and annoying

[mvvnlightea]

Thank u bc crying during sex got me through some shit rn

[tankhall]

one thing i find strange about TERFism and trans-criticism is how much of it is just attractiveness politics. it seems to be the leading talking point. sure, make your points on sexual dimorphism or biological sex differences (which any normal trans woman is fully aware of already, mind you. the average transsexual is not claiming she’s experiencing period cramps lol) but so much anti-trans discourse seems to just be “well you’re ugly so you’re not a woman and i feel unsafe.” which seems…. so counter-productive to your movement. trans women, like any group of people, are nowhere near exempt from criticism, but what is the point of putting so much emphasis on such an empty and invalid viewpoint? so much of feminism seems to hark on how men only respect women they find attractive, yet the majority of your breath is spent on here pointing out physical characteristics that you seemingly think invalidate someone’s identity. how does having broad shoulders, a wide jaw, and a five o’clock shadow somehow equate to being a predatory rapist? it’s a mindset i’ve never understood. obviously it’s prevalent outside trans discourse, people just generally seem to equate ugliness with evilness, but you would think a group of individuals who posture themselves steeped and rooted in theory and academics wouldn’t weaponize such a vapid and vague talking point. (not to say only terfs do it, your average Internet Man absolutely loves to dunk on the fuckability of any given trans woman at any given time, but….. fork found in kitchen.) idk, i’ve just always found it odd. like i’m sorry but i just don’t buy into the idea that you’re supposed to be reasonably terrified of someone in a public bathroom because you think they’re ugly. i think you might just be an asshole.

[tankhall]