Be Back Soon

"WE ARE PART OF THE DISEASE AND PART OF THE CURE."

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao

[nevver]

Mindfulness, Mr Bingo

[daily-spooky]

[nevver]

Constant disappointment, Erik Sandberg

[homeboygirl]

my collection of "weird social practices that are too funny to be considered rude"

[depsidase]

[thlayli-rah]

I work at a restaurant and nothing will ever beat the time this woman threw an absolute hissy fit at brunch because we ran out of home fries and all we had were french fries, she yelled at me, she demanded to speak to my manager, and when she’s in the middle of complaining, my manager just stopped her and went “hey do you want a hug?” and this woman went “what?” and my manager was like “you just seem super upset about the shape of these potatoes and I thought maybe you needed a hug” fucking hysterical, I got to watch a human blue screen in real life, absolutely the best way to shame someone for their nonsense I’ve ever seen

[plaguedocboi]

Incorrect sayings that I use so often I’ve almost forgotten that they’re not the originals:

I have bigger fish to fight

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

You can lead a horse to water, but if you drown it you have to walk home

Opening a can of whales

You made your bed, now shit in it

Combining the latter two into the phrase “you opened this can of whales, now lie in it”

[nevver]

Erika Landström

[thypandatetor]

Surprised I hadn't seen this cross posted over here

Liquid Death is renaming their Armless Palmer iced tea and lemonade to Dead Billionaire because Arnold Palmer's estate threatened to sue for the use of the word Palmer. What a brand

[mikkeneko]

Drink the rich

[memewhore]

[memewhore]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[muntzerism-diggerism]

[garaks-padded-bra]

Today i tried out a new boba place and they were out of tapioca so i asked what the pudding option was, and the lady at the counter was like here ill get u a sample and i was like word. Anyways when she came back she VERY TENDERLY CRADLED MY CHIN AND FED IT TO ME ON A SPOON? Craigslist.com missed connections dublin you were a beautiful middle aged asian woman i was that guy in the 100 gecs shirt. I am willing to give up everythign i have going on get back to me girl

[enki2]

[tastefullyoffensive]