Look, my husband is a great partner in many senses. But he does not understand the invisible labor issue and he's the kind of person that will view all conversations as attacks. I just took the baby to a swim lesson. He played a video game, ate pizza, drank a cocktail, and talked with his mom about our summer vacation plans. I came home. He was on the phone. I fed the baby. I fed the cat while carrying the baby around. The baby spat up on me and I called for help. The deaf dog figured it out sooner and cleaned up the spit up before he could get me a paper towel (in the next room). I fully finished bathing the baby. I had to call several times over several minutes to get him to get the baby.
He was talking to his mom. Having the same conversation over and over. It's not like they disagreed or she's forgetful. They both agreed and repeated the same things over and over for at least the 40 minutes that I was working.
He tells me I can take a break anytime. But.
I told him I wanted a bath tonight. I basically had to force the child into his hands to make that happen.
He does whatever the fuck he wants. I am the default parent, even for the step kids. I need to essentially ask permission to do anything I want to do because there's always housework or a baby or whatever.
And if I do get to leave the house, I still don't have the night off because now I have to worry about finding a place to pump and keep milk cold and pumping every two hours to keep my supply up and missing out on huge chunks of whatever I was supposedly having fun doing.
So yeah, he occasionally gets adhd cleaning frenzy and will start loads of laundry and sometimes unload/reload the dishwasher. But if he forgets, I'm right there. If I forget, the dishes and laundry pile up. The baby is crying on the floor while he's playing video games on the couch. And I smell rancid because I get one shower a week and sometimes I get a bath (usually with the baby).
