Hannah MK @myaudienceofone - Tumblr Blog

Salvation cries are loud to me

Where’s the soulful resolution

Where we can see clearly?

Angels have free will too

They’re not God’s ‘yes’ people

Happy birthday

My motivation to live a happy life

Yet, you’re still searching.

Wandering around, for goodness’ sake.

You said this time feels different because you know I’m not coming back ❤️‍🔥

You were never meant to stay. You pulled me into this. The water is deep and I can’t swim. This love is happening.

Not a day passes when I don’t wow at the fact that you’re gone forever

I don’t need anyone to tell me what love looks like

I’ve made up my mind

I’m going to church on Sunday to sing a song that’ll hurt somebody’s feelings

- Lyfe

Yesterday is gone

Tomorrow is on the way

30th January 2021

30 on the 30th

Allah we never wanted this thing to end

Eyes firey

Hold her, guide her, bless her, hear her 💛💛💛

If he doesn’t comprehend, at least he can pretend

myaudienceofone

Losing one of my best friends - what it feels like 5 years later

One my best friends passed away 5 years ago and I still don’t believe it. To me, she is still alive and we just haven’t been keeping in touch.

And I feel so guilty. For so many reasons. I feel horrible and guilty every time she crosses my mind and I’m unsure why. So much so that I quickly try and erase the thoughts of her from my mind. And that makes me feel even worse. Maybe because I feel I could have loved her more or been there for her more? Perhaps I could have been a better friend - giving her everything she deserved from me?

And I feel like I didn’t do that. I feel like our banter, Skype conversations, phone calls, DMs and text messages were frivolous, empty discourse and I think to myself … is it fair for me to reduce our friendship to that? Perhaps it DID mean something? Perhaps I WAS a good friend? I don’t know.

It has been 5 years and I’m replaying our friendship in my mind and I’m still finding so many loopholes. So many things I could have done better to enhance her experience every time she and I interacted. Only the people in a relationship really know the dynamics of that relationship and I have no one but her to verify all these questions. At this point, as I type, I feel selfish because now I’m making this all about me.

So now my train of thought diverts and I think about if she’s happy, safe and at peace. I am now consciously trying to make this about her and not all about me.

I don’t know sometimes. I have a lot of questions and I sweep them under the rug because, like I say, only the people in a relationship really know the dynamics of that relationship and for everyone looking in, although you may have an opinion, you really don’t know.

I also feel like I should be thinking about her more often … but I don’t because I’ve become accustomed to not wanting to. Perhaps it’s time to really let go. I feel like I did let go…subconsciously but I can’t account for it because I don’t remember when it happened…

myaudienceofone

I don’t remember writing this but it’s interesting to realise that losing one best friend many years ago didn’t feel at all familiar to losing another best friend more recently. I didn’t get that ‘I’ve been here before‘ feeling

Everyday I wake up hoping it’s the morning I wake up from this nightmare.

Your departure shifted my spirit … for the better … which is sick twisted and bizarre but it’s true.

Not to say that was the purpose for this. It’s just one of the outcomes…

It’s so simple

The way you tell your riddles

We fight, we’re so pitiful

You did this to me

Why’d you go?

Life to the lifeless

Christ to the Christless

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Hannah MK