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dailycephalopods

Daily Cephalopod #13

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Wei Weaving is a Chinese artist

(via (1) Facebook)

(via Facebook)

Belinda arrived at the gym with the confidence of someone who had watched exactly three fitness videos and immediately considered herself a wellness influencer.

Her plan was simple:

* 10% exercise

* 40% fixing her ponytail

* 50% wondering if anyone noticed her new leggings

She marched purposefully toward a machine she had never seen before, adjusted the seat three times, pressed one button, and accidentally started a workout designed for professional Nordic skiers.

Twenty-seven seconds later she was negotiating with God.

Meanwhile, the twenty-year-olds were effortlessly lifting things that looked suspiciously like small family cars.

Belinda was not discouraged.

“No matter,” she declared dramatically. “I possess wisdom, moisturiser, and lower back awareness.

After a respectable workout, she rewarded herself with a protein shake containing approximately fourteen ingredients and the texture of wet wallpaper.

On the way out she caught her reflection in the gym mirror.

Hair slightly wild.

Face slightly flushed.

Dignity mostly intact.

She smiled.

Because at her age, the goal was no longer to become twenty-five again.

The goal was to be strong enough to carry all the groceries in one trip and still have enough energy left to judge people’s poor life choices on the internet.

A true athlete. 💜🏋️‍♀️☕️

— Belinda, Patron Saint of Moderate Cardio and Questionable Protein Shakes.