Johnson

If I don't post for a while, assume I forgot how to type. I have to relearn that skill a lot. (This is Character RP Johnson from The Captain and Crew series on PSTLs channel. Nothing is real)

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Apparently, I need to do some PR? Some- PROUD POSTS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF SUPER EARTH! Oh hey, I found the caps lock... Damn. Took me a week last time...

Technically, this is a "punishment" because I killed the captain again. He deserved it, don't worry.

But yeah. Hi, I'm Johnson. Not Johannesburg, not Georgia, not Japan, not Jackie or juice. Johnson. It's my last name, and it's all I'm legally allowed to give on fear of my life!

I was a soldier both at sea and on land. I'll be honest I remember little of before I met Dumbass.

I'm currently a helldiver in the name of Super Earth! I also hunted down bigfoot and once got left in a pit full of nightmare dolls.

(Yeahhhhhh I'm gonna try my best to join this. Its funny to me and the idea of Johnson of all people having an account was too glorious to pass up. Prepare for a lot of bitching about incompetent bosses

Main account is @biblicallyaccuratebirch the account name is just a joke about Johnson getting temporary damage from the clone machine)

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

HELLO!

Hello. I'm Johnson. What's your name?

[claysollythejester]

CLAAY! MY NAME IS CLAYY! You look veerrry interesting!

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hello Clay. It's a pleasure to meet you.

I do look interesting. My sons keep putting ink in my hair, it is rapidly becoming a rainbow mess.

How are you doing?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

HELLO!

Hello. I'm Johnson. What's your name?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Might be delusional but I think Harley is leading me to my death

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Noooooooo the guy who made a hellscape factory with giant murder dolls? The guy who my boyfriend has enough dirt to fill fucking Loch Ness with on? The guy who's APPARENTLY BEEN DEAD SINCE FUCKING 1994!?

[tired-fandom-ndn]

Sometimes "rarepair" means "you are literally the only person who posts about this on tumblr dot com" and you have to learn to be okay with that.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[bazkitcasepstl]

ooo that's cool.. im just sitting on my bed watching 2 idiots argue, is boring I have to watch them just yell ugh

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

I was about to suggest shooting them. And then I remembered you guys aren't, you know, immortal.

But that suuucks. Connor and Carter like to argue in public, too. They interrupted my nap once to drag me into an argument.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Ehhh I can try shooting them. For some reason I dont know where I got this sniper rifle

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Oh, that might be one of the guns I sent you a while back...

Not sure.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Eh. I remember a guy named church??? gave it to me.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Huh. That's nice of him.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Yeah... Anyway should I shoot Harley first?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Idk who- Wait... Harley like Harley Sawyer?

DU'MASS KNOWS THAT GUY!!

Absolutely shoot him.

[bazkitcasepstl]

OH I DID IT WAS SATISFYING!

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

YAY! Good for you!

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[bazkitcasepstl]

ooo that's cool.. im just sitting on my bed watching 2 idiots argue, is boring I have to watch them just yell ugh

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

I was about to suggest shooting them. And then I remembered you guys aren't, you know, immortal.

But that suuucks. Connor and Carter like to argue in public, too. They interrupted my nap once to drag me into an argument.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Ehhh I can try shooting them. For some reason I dont know where I got this sniper rifle

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Oh, that might be one of the guns I sent you a while back...

Not sure.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Eh. I remember a guy named church??? gave it to me.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Huh. That's nice of him.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Yeah... Anyway should I shoot Harley first?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Idk who- Wait... Harley like Harley Sawyer?

DU'MASS KNOWS THAT GUY!!

Absolutely shoot him.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[bazkitcasepstl]

ooo that's cool.. im just sitting on my bed watching 2 idiots argue, is boring I have to watch them just yell ugh

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

I was about to suggest shooting them. And then I remembered you guys aren't, you know, immortal.

But that suuucks. Connor and Carter like to argue in public, too. They interrupted my nap once to drag me into an argument.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Ehhh I can try shooting them. For some reason I dont know where I got this sniper rifle

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Oh, that might be one of the guns I sent you a while back...

Not sure.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Eh. I remember a guy named church??? gave it to me.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Huh. That's nice of him.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[bazkitcasepstl]

ooo that's cool.. im just sitting on my bed watching 2 idiots argue, is boring I have to watch them just yell ugh

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

I was about to suggest shooting them. And then I remembered you guys aren't, you know, immortal.

But that suuucks. Connor and Carter like to argue in public, too. They interrupted my nap once to drag me into an argument.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Ehhh I can try shooting them. For some reason I dont know where I got this sniper rifle

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Oh, that might be one of the guns I sent you a while back...

Not sure.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[bazkitcasepstl]

ooo that's cool.. im just sitting on my bed watching 2 idiots argue, is boring I have to watch them just yell ugh

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

I was about to suggest shooting them. And then I remembered you guys aren't, you know, immortal.

But that suuucks. Connor and Carter like to argue in public, too. They interrupted my nap once to drag me into an argument.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Oh that's nice! Good for you, I'm Feeling Nice and Happy right now finally found a CLEAN bed here and got some sleep,

Weird ask but what u doing rn? I'm bored

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Ayyy, I'm glad you found a good place to rest. Your life is insane from what I know.

Not weird, I'm just watching the kids playing Pathfinder. They're doing a boss fight or something. Davens character is almost dead, and knowing him, that means I'm about to witness a dramatic monologue worthy of Shakespeare.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Hey Johnson! how is dumass treating you?

It's going well. He's nice.

I mostly knew what I was getting myself into with this relationship. He's very much an acts of service kinda guy so suddenly I am doing a lot less dishes and laundry which- Fucking win! I am awful at that.

We've agreed to a schedule for dates and hangouts and that my role at work is still largely the same. I'm still the bait. Not - Terribly upset about that. It is honestly the easiest job.

Means I get my steps in I guess.

How are you doing?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

So. Realising I need to start teaching these kids some actually useful life skills.

With that in mind- I'm going to show these guys how to make flamethrower.

[nyxthealien]

That is.. helpful.

Can you teach me too?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Duh, yes!

Get over here.

Let me teach you about Butane and propane fires.

[nyxthealien]

O-oh! that was easier than I thought-

..thank you..!

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

You are very welcome! It's important to know these things! It can save you in a dangerous situation.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

So. Realising I need to start teaching these kids some actually useful life skills.

With that in mind- I'm going to show these guys how to make flamethrower.

[nyxthealien]

That is.. helpful.

Can you teach me too?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Duh, yes!

Get over here.

Let me teach you about Butane and propane fires.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

So.

Apparently Du'mass has found some dirt on me.

And now, I figured. Hey this is going to be something stupid. And it is. Because apparently his Dirt on me is the fact that "Your dumb enough to date me" which...

Sir? You're the one who said yes when I asked YOU.

[nyxthealien]

You- you were dumb enough to ask him though..?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Aheuhagh- Who's side are you on? Come on... He's at least attractive- like objectively.

Wtf he was thinking when he said yes. Only Doo- THE, The gods know.

Hopefully, not actually, because that'd be really awkward...

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

So. Realising I need to start teaching these kids some actually useful life skills.

With that in mind- I'm going to show these guys how to make flamethrower.

[bazkitcasepstl]

I can't tell if I miss upward or not

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

What sort of bullshit did you get sucked into this time?

[bazkitcasepstl]

children asylum that I went into before as a kid

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

A fucking what- An asylum? FOR KIDS!? WTF!

[bazkitcasepstl]

Yyyyyea.... I kinda forgot why my parents put me there but I think it was one of the memories I only remember

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Dude. Your parents Sound- Wtf...

Let me guess. Evil monsters?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Yup. And a living baby bottle that sucks their self i guess

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

It. Wha- IT WHAT!?

How. Huh? NAH IM NOT ASKING. Because that sounds. Oh.

THANK FUCK I DIDNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT

[bazkitcasepstl]

Yup, but at least a squid is my kid now! I don't know I just kinda adopted it

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

AYYYYYYY FELLO SQUID PARENT!!

What's your little one like?

[bazkitcasepstl]

Well it's name is Inky (I called it that), why do I call it that? Well for some reason if u squish it, ink comes out. Simple as that I guess- Anyway, is a Living toy. Not like... Well yk. Tho it was the only toy in upward so I just kinda adopted it since its cute :>

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Living toy counts! Living toy counts.

Fellow squid parent acquired! We need one more and them we can make a club. I'm not counting my boyfriend, the kids don't call him dad or anything yet.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Does the kids know though?

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

That I'm dating Du'mass? Yes. They're aware. And very excited about it. Mostly because it means I cook even more than before, and Du'mass likes to help in the kitchen too, so I don't ask the kids for help.

[bazkitcasepstl]

Awwhhh that's nice. Also I think Harley doesn't like inky tho. I tried to make them both but this stupid doctor doesn't like it for no absolutely reason. At least giblet likes inky tho.

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

What's Harleys issue? Squid kids are great.

Giblet is an interesting name...

[bazkitcasepstl]

Hm? Oh yeah giblet is an interesting name,

[mybrainisfinethankyou]

Bird guts... who tf named their kid Bird guts.