My Breakup Chronicles

What happens to life after love destroys you?

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

Day 1

I booked the flight 4.5 months ago

I flew in yesterday

Knowing that I won’t see you while I’m here, in your city, makes me sad.

But I also know that I’ve burned that bridge, heavily, and that there is no turning back.

When I return home, nothing will have changed.

I have to accept things as the way they are.  Part of me still loves you, and maybe I’ll drive by your house.  But I won’t knock on your door.  I know that I won’t live here.  This isn’t my home.  California is my home, not Michigan.

We’re from different places.  I know I’ll be okay, though.  I know that you will never leave here, and I don’t intend for you to.

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There are moments when I look back and think things were good, and then I start to second-guess myself if those "good moments" were lies, or if ALL of it were lies.

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Good luck to the next girl.  You’ll find out soon enough that he’s no good.

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

I can’t fucking stop crying today.

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tl;dr

I loved someone.  They left me.  Since then, I have become a severely depressed person, unable to do anything because I can’t bring myself to get out of bed except for going to work.

[thepersonalquotes]

[youjustyou-deactivated20140307]

[hplyrikz]

Everything I love here

[hplyrikz]

I can relate to this

[stckwll]

[hplyrikz]

So I drank one, it became four, and when I fell on the floor I drank more. Nothing has changed, I still love you, I still love you.

Morrissey (via hplyrikz)

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

What are you not telling me?

Is there someone else?

Did you get bored?

Was I “too real” or did your perception of me get shattered?

No really, is there someone else or did you just fucking get bored?  Because no matter how much I brought up the times I wanted to be with you, you would just shrug it off as if I were nothing.

I’m an adult.  I can handle myself.  But you were my lover for a reason.

Seriously, did you cheat on me?  Is there someone else?

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

What are you so afraid of?

What’s also sad is that none of our parents even knew what this relationship was, or that it even existed at all.

Literally, the moment I became public with our relationship to the two most important people involved, I had already sensed you wanting to walk away.

Silly of me to think you and I could walk away from an explosion unscathed.

The whole world blew up and you let go of my hand.

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

The pen I’m currently writing with is the one you last picked for me.  It writes comfortable, but it will always remind me of you.

Everything reminds me of you.  You’ve been a part of my daily routine so much the past two years that I can’t not see reminders of you constantly.

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

We don't love anymore.  What was all of it for?

Charlie Puth, “We Don’t Talk Anymore”

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

May 12

Mother’s Day, and my sweet dog’s birthday.  We were still happy for most of today...or so it seemed.

Then, an argument.

No matter what I said, all you did was get angrier, and there was nothing I could say or do to fix it.  You just wouldn’t let me.

And I knew from that moment on you already decided to leave.

But I still held out hope.

May 13: I cried because I knew we were headed for a split.

Sometime before that, you told me,

“for someone so afraid of breaking up, you’re thinking of so many reasons why there would be one.”

Too bad.  We did it anyway.  You forced it on me.

And it hurts because you didn’t fight for us.  You just gave up!

[mybreakupchronicles-blog]

My Breakup Chronicles

as of May 30, 2019.

In all actuality, the titular breakup started turning its wheels on May 12th of this year...and became official Saturday, May 18th, the day of my second college graduation.

The original contents of this diary, which began in 2014 or so, have been destroyed, their words burned in fire, and ashes scattered to the winds of the night in La Jolla, California.  They were accompanied by pages from other journals, and especially by what was once a significant necklace - plain and cheap, but sentimental.

All of these things died in a fire, but most of all, my ability to feel love and purpose in my heart for someone who used to be special and who had crushed my soul multiple times over.

We had a story...but this one is the beginning of my life without you.