The Bizarre Life and Times of My Brother Sam

My brother is an eccentric young man. This blog exists to share his oddness with the world.Here's his blog.And here's mine.

[mybrothersammy]

Also March 24th, 2014

Sammy: *on his way to take a shower* I'm going to go get my quickie.

Me: You might want to rephrase that.

Sammy: I'm going to go fuck the shower.

[mybrothersammy]

March 24th, 2014

"I haven't washed these pants in three weeks. But they are stiLL SUPPLE AS A NEWBORN CALF."

[mybrothersammy]

Also November 22nd, 2012

Guest appearance: Me. 

"A great big bag of buttery guinea pigs!"

and

"Thomas Edison was a grade-A douchecanoe."

[mybrothersammy]

November 22nd, 2012

A conversation between Sammy and me. 

S: I hate you SO MUCH.

M: It's moments like this I come home for.

S: HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

[mybrothersammy]

Also November 15th, 2012

Guest Appearance: Casey.

"Practice doesn't make perfect. Practice makes oatmeal."

[mybrothersammy]

November 15th, 2012

Guest appearance: Sam's friend Joey.

After staring into space for about five minutes: "... my head has HAIR on it."

[mybrothersammy]

November 13th, 2012

Teacher explaining how centrifugal acceleration keeps water in a bucket.

Teacher: Have you ever gone to explain to your little cousin how this works? They won't believe you at first. So you go up to them, and you say-

Sam: Okay, kid. I'm gonna whip you around, all your brains're gonna end up in your feet.

[mybrothersammy]

November 12th, 2012

A conversation between Sammy and his girlfriend, Caileigh:

"C: You know what's been distracting me all night-

S: YES.

C: Okay.

S: But no really, what were you going to say?

C: I've been distracted because I smell like soup, and I am delicious."

[mybrothersammy]

November 9th, 2012

Guest appearance: some random girl.

"You've got a biiiig chunk of precious... riiiiight there."

[mybrothersammy]

Also November 8th, 2012

"This is my coffee fuckmug."

[mybrothersammy]

November 8th, 2012

"It's the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mullet!"

[mybrothersammy]

Also November 7th, 2012

Guest appearance: some random girl on her phone.

"What are clothes?"

and

"You killed Jimmy, right?"

[mybrothersammy]

November 7th, 2012

"Apparently attention is squishy."

[mybrothersammy]

November 4th, 2012

"I'm making a sweat angel."

[mybrothersammy]

October 23rd: Part 3

"Blood ice cream! With toppings of MURDERRRR!

... and jimmies."

[mybrothersammy]

October 23rd 2012: Part 2

"The words speak from my mouth."

[mybrothersammy]

October 23rd, 2012: Part I

"The mystery of the blood yogurt continues."