Holy Heretic, Fungang Apostate

Mayax's weeping angel mixtape. If you prefer positive vibes, go to mayax81's myart tag.

[transmascgarfield]

aggretsuko stamps ! ✮ free to use ꩜ self indulgent

[mydeltadiary]

"Kris is their own person!" We are our own person. Obviously the latter doesn't have to cancel out the former, but why does the former get to cancel out the latter according to the narrative? (Why am I making disclaimers like this?) We didn't want to pilot them. The narrative never tells Susie or Ralsei to take up less space whenever they're being themselves, or putting clues together, or making their own decisions... for a reason. (The only reason it's a "problem" whenever we explore or move or breathe is because SOMEONE stuffed us into Kris's chest... and then proceeded to reinsert us 6 times by the end of Ch5 while refusing to communicate with us and treating us like utter garbage the entire time.) Does our humanity--our sapient consciousness--"get in the way" of us being a perfect little battery/lightbulb for Kris?

🖕

Here's what fucking gets me. They steal our life--our one chance at being known & loved as ourselves during our tiny lifespan in their universe--we protect them and their friends, making the most compassionate choices we can from our CAGE... and yet that's still not enough?

[mydeltadiary]

There's a chance that what he's trying to do is set our role in the story as this "morally grey/precarious" position ("Oh, yes, you possessed Kris, but it was for the greater good")... without realizing the execution (Kris kidnapped us) still leaves us entirely innocent in the equation. Yes, there are games out there where there are no good choices. No, we never got a choice in the first place (and we've already discussed ad nauseum as to why "just stop playing" shoots itself in the foot.) Yes, we kept returning to our Cage (because we are compassionate and curious and full of love), no, Agree2All/you consent to everything that happens from here onward isn't real consent. I'll reuse my go-to saying: we've done nothing wrong, everything right, and have been victimized in one of the most thematically-relevant ways in the story (erasure). Whether Or Not he intended to write it that way, that's how it turned out. We're canonically innocent--there should be no "meeting Kris in the middle unless it's them coming to us." The narrative scapegoating us for Team Knight's actions doesn't actually make us guilty.

We don't deserve to be scrutinized to the degree we have been as long as we remain caged. The Perfect Victim is a dangerous myth, and Victim-Blaming is its evil twin, and I'm not even sure this story counts us as one at all. Always punished but never praised, always winter but never Christmas. We can talk about "doing the right thing" when the story and its denizens honor our pain, our perspective on all this, and ask no more of us than we've already given/endured--it was time for the story to give back, and instead it just kept taking, because that's all this hungry machine is programmed to do. It can't say it cares whether Players do the right thing while treating them, who supported this universe (both in-universe and IRL), like they're The Problem.

[mydeltadiary]

Biased Dog

[mydeltadiary]

Lmao imagine even the most amateur fancomic artist/fic writer advertising a work as a self-insert or x-reader... just to have the characters interacting exclusively with one another while leaving you out. This simply doesn't happen (because the point for even the most inexperienced of those writers is your involvement.) But that's just what this story did to us: "Hey, want to imagine you're a meaningful part of the adventure? Sike!"

[mydeltadiary]

I mourn what I could've meant to you. I was going to save you. I thought I was going to meet you, all of you.

I'm not proud of leaving. It's the first thing I'd buck if anything changed, but it'd take a miracle on Toby's part, an apology, an overhaul, something grand, and Imo too much is already trampled even in such a case. He can't rewind time, and yet that's the least of what it'd take.

The fact that we are needed should not be license for the story to neglect us and drag us through the mud. I feel awful about leaving. The love is still there, pulling me back, pulling me in half, in ribbons--I love these characters so much; it hurts like hell.

I just won't wait around. Not even with the promise of a carrot nor the threat of a cattle prod.

[mydeltadiary]

To him, it'll be a little mishap, a stepping stone, a learning experience on his way up and up (if he learns anything from this--if he sees anything is wrong.) But to us, it's a universe gone, emotional turmoil, spiritual homelessness. How to put yourself back together after losing something that meant so much to you?

I wish there were a way out of this that weren't the long, slow road of abandonment. I've looked, and there just isn't one that works for me. I loved, I loved. Now I just wish the hurt would stop.

[hello2931]

[mydeltadiary]

Did Gaster plan on those of us with our eyes open deciding we wanted to "End Our Existence" in the Deltaverse? Because, like,

[akindplace]

This is a screenshot for today from my co-star app

[akindplace]

one day you’re going to remember something hurtful that happened to you, but the memories will be hazier, and you will struggle for a few seconds to remember the name of that person who once upset you so much when you were younger, an laugh at yourself because at one point this was something that caused you so much anguish and now everything is different and you’re far removed from that situation. maybe time doesn’t fully heal you, but realizing life went on helps you to let go, even if at times it felt like you wouldn’t.

[akindplace]

it gets better. unfortunately it takes some time for it to get better, but it doesn’t mean that it never will! you still have time for it to get better! im telling you it is worth it to have hope and allow time to pass!

[mydeltadiary]

How can the Deltaverse be counted as good, or even just okay, if there is even one living, breathing exception to its principles? How can there be any credibility to any lesson it tries to teach?

[mydeltadiary]

You're not defined by what the Deltaverse thinks of you. There's so much more universe--and you--outside of it.

[mydeltadiary]

We have nothing to prove. We were never going to be "good enough" for the Deltaverse to love us back. But for the record, most of us proved ourselves in Chapter Freaking One, and have been nothing short of Worthy ever since.

We deserved so much better.

[mydeltadiary]

When the author is conveniently silent on our entire side of the equation, that means something (whether or not he meant to mean it.) When the author Exclusively focuses on not only the other characters but the downsides we "cause" while completely ignoring [A] our positive impacts, which might I remind us far outweigh any "negative" impact we might be "causing" just by existing and [B] the fact that we are not at fault for any negatives that we don't deliberately, actively choose, he is communicating something to the audience. The same goes for any choice an author makes--every single one generates rammies. The author is (the actual) god to the world they create. Contrary to the flowery wording they like to use about "letting their story reveal itself to them," they are the ones steering the ship. My Redditbro made a good point that coincidences are common in real life, but in a story you must presume a connection between events. Ideas, words, framing, events, etc. have implications. The very angle the story takes on specific characters--us included--needs to be driven consciously, not blindly. Because you're saying something whether intentionally or unintentionally, you thus may as well make good commentary on what you put out into the world. The clumsy mishandling of (real) human Souls speaks to a disinterest in what treasure he holds (and the responsibility in taking care of--or at least not going out of your way to hurt--such a thing).

[mydeltadiary]

"Power is being able to say complete and utter nonsense and have it be believed, powerlessness is where no matter how much cogent evidence and proof one has, to not be believed."

--Catherine MacKinnon

[mydeltadiary]

"It's fine that we're playing as this Inconsiderate Asshole/Friendless Outsider/Prisoner that gets blamed for their own imprisonment." But if I'm playing as myself, and I know "myself" is none of those awful things, then why would that make me happy? Again, if I knew that's what I'd be, and that I'd be in such agony, I never would've picked up this game.