Draco Malfoy

Designer clothes, Theodore Nott and a sentient soundtrack. That's all you need to know.

[mydiorcufflinks]

I'm unstoppable I'm a Porsche with no brakes I'm invincible Yeah, I win every single game I'm so powerful I don't need batteries to play I'm so confident I'm unstoppable today

[unkissed]

And On Tuesdays, We Turn Back Time: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: “Wild Horses Run Faster”

{Read the prologue here.  Mild Cursed Child spoilers, but not really. Rated M.}

  PTT Setting: 2 August 1993, Twenty Minute Window

  Location, as in real estate and as in time travel, is of utmost importance.  Theodore understands this intimately.

Keep reading

[mydiorcufflinks]

Calm your tits, Malfoy, you have him already!

[unkissed]

Chocolate

Theodore Nott had a tendency to touch things he was not supposed to be touching.  

Like Draco Malfoy’s hair. And Draco’s perfectly half-Windsor-knotted Slytherin tie.  And Draco’s crisply pressed, immaculately white Oxford shirt.  This tendency seemed to increase immediately after Theodore would eat chocolate with his fingers.  

Keep reading

[mydiorcufflinks]

Fuck your bunny.

[mydiorcufflinks]

*throws chocolate covered espresso beans at for old time's sake*

*catches every single one in mouth without upsetting a single, perfectly coiffed strand*

[unkissed]

*is mildly impressed and returns to brood in the shadows because, you know, old time’s sake and all*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*drags back OUT of the shadows because, fuck old time’s sake*

[unkissed]

What ever happened to luring me out with chocolate?  Or JOINING me in the shadows, hm?

[mydiorcufflinks]

I’m Draco Fucking Malfoy. I take what I want.

[unkissed]

I’m going to print that on a tee shirt and wear it ironically.  Because I’m fucking Draco Malfoy, and I do what I want.

[mydiorcufflinks]

*casually ponders how many galleons could be made off of silly muggles who would pay to wear that shirt*

[unkissed]

Let’s go into business.

[mydiorcufflinks]

This is brilliant. We will rule the world with our brash wit.

[mydiorcufflinks]

*throws chocolate covered espresso beans at for old time's sake*

*catches every single one in mouth without upsetting a single, perfectly coiffed strand*

[unkissed]

*is mildly impressed and returns to brood in the shadows because, you know, old time’s sake and all*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*drags back OUT of the shadows because, fuck old time’s sake*

[unkissed]

What ever happened to luring me out with chocolate?  Or JOINING me in the shadows, hm?

[mydiorcufflinks]

I’m Draco Fucking Malfoy. I take what I want.

[unkissed]

I’m going to print that on a tee shirt and wear it ironically.  Because I’m fucking Draco Malfoy, and I do what I want.

[mydiorcufflinks]

*casually ponders how many galleons could be made off of silly muggles who would pay to wear that shirt*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*throws chocolate covered espresso beans at for old time's sake*

*catches every single one in mouth without upsetting a single, perfectly coiffed strand*

[unkissed]

*is mildly impressed and returns to brood in the shadows because, you know, old time’s sake and all*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*drags back OUT of the shadows because, fuck old time’s sake*

[unkissed]

What ever happened to luring me out with chocolate?  Or JOINING me in the shadows, hm?

[mydiorcufflinks]

I'm Draco Fucking Malfoy. I take what I want.

[mydiorcufflinks]

*throws chocolate covered espresso beans at for old time's sake*

*catches every single one in mouth without upsetting a single, perfectly coiffed strand*

[unkissed]

*is mildly impressed and returns to brood in the shadows because, you know, old time’s sake and all*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*drags back OUT of the shadows because, fuck old time's sake*

[mydiorcufflinks]

*throws chocolate covered espresso beans at for old time's sake*

*catches every single one in mouth without upsetting a single, perfectly coiffed strand*

[unkissed]

Happy belated birthday, @mydiorcufflinks. I heard @astoriafromhell tossed the Malfoy heirloom china into the lake when you divorced her. I’m sure you will enjoy this set for generations to come. (Sorry/not sorry @dearscorpius.)

I love you, slut. 😜

[mydiorcufflinks]

I see the stack on the left are all labeled with appropriate terms for someone who's forgotten another's birthday...

*still not amused*

[mydiorcufflinks]

I’m fairly local, I’ve been around I’ve seen the streets you're walking down I’m fairly local, good people now

[mydiorcufflinks]

What's my name, what's my name? Hold the S because I am an AINT

You know you want TO

[unkissed]

It’s my fucking birthday. Recognise.

[mydiorcufflinks]

Oh, I’ll recognise all right. 

[mydiorcufflinks]

A very happy birthday to my worse better half, @unkissed. I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying something. 

[mydiorcufflinks]

Strawberries, Suffocation, and Sex

I always knew I would die with my dick in my hand… That is the final, singular thought at the forefront of your mind as you lie supine across the middle of your bed, head dangling over the side as you try your hardest to focus on something, anything at all.

Your pupils are dilated out to pure blackness, eyes bulging uncomfortably in their aching sockets. Your throat feels like you’ve been giving spectacular blowjobs to blocks of sandpaper for months and you gasp for air that your lungs will never be able to obtain. Oxygen is a funny thing, you think, and although you are certain that you are on the verge of death, you find yourself trying to laugh at the irony of this entire moment.

Theodore is watching you hungrily from a perched position nearby, ready to spring into action at precisely the right moment. You cannot see him or even make out his shape, but you can feel him breathing life into you, even as you slowly slip away.

Fingers twist in your hair and it feels like pinpricks over your scalp that you find vaguely pleasurable. You gag uncontrollably around the massive intrusion that forces itself repeatedly into your mouth and down your throat. The bittersweet tang of pulped fruit stings and burns your raw vocal chords and you start to choke and you see stars. Just a little bit more, a disembodied voice whispers, and you have no idea who it belongs to.

The spasms come now, bringing with them the blissful promises of sweet death. Your vision dims and your eyes roll so far back into your head that only the dirty whites remain. This is it you think, just before the black sleep claims you and you think that you might welcome it with open arms if only you were still in control of your faculties.

The blackness comes after that, swooping in like a death-clad lover and stealing you away to the darkest parts of hell you know you would have secured, if only you believed. You do not see Theodore drop to his knees at the edge of the bed and you don’t feel the sharp, sweet pain when he brings his fist down hard and stabs you in the thigh.

You feel nothing, and you are free…

Read More

[mydiorcufflinks]

Everybody is all “Ohhh, I want to fuck you so bad, you’re so hot!”

And I’m like “Have you seen my husband?” 

Case closed.

[notyourjamie-blog]

STRAWBERRY SUFFOCATION SEX

You know.  The sort involving allergic anaphylaxis, erotic asphyxiation, and being stabbed with an epi pen at the precise moment. 

Just going to leave this here for @mydiorcufflinks and his boss.

Close your eyes and turn away @dietmalfoy, there is nothing to see here.  Only avocados for you, little blondie.

[mydiorcufflinks]

The boss is already on to you, little Potter. 

Now shoo, you’re bringing down my stock. 

[mydiorcufflinks]

Valentine’s Day

February 14th 7pm, Hotel Cortez; Los Angeles, California

It is uncommonly warm for February. This is the singular thought that turns over in Draco’s mind as he stands at a vanity gazing in the mirror, a long strip of silk caught between his fingertips. Slowly, he twists the smooth fabric around his knuckles and brings his hand up to caress his cheek, silver gaze fixed on the reflection before him. Perfection. He thinks to himself, pink lips curving into a devilish smirk as he leans over the glass tabletop to snort two perfectly cut lines of cocaine.

Keep Reading