Bad Writing

[mydrunkenwritings]

i still wear your cologne to bed

it’s once in awhile. those nights where nothing works, and i just can’t sleep, i wear your cologne to bed. it reminds me of the good times, and how there was a time when i yearned to be next to you just so i could experience that familiar, comforting, smell. i don’t miss you. i don’t miss the verbal slights. i don’t miss the mental games. i don’t miss that nothing ever seemed good enough. but the smell. that strong masculine smell that somehow was light and easy at the same time, the smell that invoked a sense of security, i miss that. the smell that used to tell me that nothing could hurt me while i was in your arms. i wish i could forget it. i wish that when i smelled it, it made my stomach twist and flip. i hate that when i catch a hint of that smell i look for you. you have no idea how badly i wish i hated the scent that told me your presence was close, too close. i wish i didn’t get a rush when i think of being that close to you. i wish this scent made me sick to my stomach, but it doesn’t. some nights, it’s the only thing that helps me drift away to sleep.

[milclark]

[oknope]

I DON’T CARE HOW MANY TIMES I’VE REBLOGGED THIS IT WILL NEVER END

[owlet]

hate to repost but the bde that is sheerly radiating out of this picture is just too much

[mydrunkenwritings]

Why does everyone else get to be a normal 20-something-year-old? How do they do it? Go out and have drinks and fun with friends and not embarrass themselves EVERY. TIME. Where does that limit and self control come from?

I go out with the best intentions. I never mean to ruin relationships. My intention is never to blackout and say things I regret the next day. I can feel the divide in my soul everytime there’s a birthday, or going away, or staff party. I WANT to go out. I WANT to have blissful fun. But I know I test my limits. Eventually other substances will get involved, or I just begin drinking past the point of standing upright. I make phone call after phone call that I DONT REMEMBER.

When will I finally get to be a normal 20-something-year-old. Not this sad, desperate, lonely, 23 year old who burns every bridge she’s ever come across?

[mydrunkenwritings]

Hands

Hands have always fascinated me. The way they’re able to rip things to shreds. The way they can build monuments. Hands have always fascinated me. They can create or destroy, depends the intention in which you use them. Do you want build me up or break me down. The choice is no longer mine. I give myself to you. Will you build me up or break me down?

[mydrunkenwritings]

I hate that you’re doing so okay without me in your life. I’m feel like I’m falling apart. My world is missing something, all the while you’re thriving in this new world you’ve created for yourself. Why can’t your perfect world include me too?

[midori-kim]

“The more one talks, the less the words mean.” Anna Karina in Vivre Sa Vie.

[softbull-deactivated20181230]

not to sound like a soft bitch but i’m really in the mood to fall asleep in someone’s arms

[arabwife]

the saddest thing i’ve ever done was beg someone to love me the way I loved them

[zodiac--signs]

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my- 

Aries: ability to make last-minute plans when a sudden urge to go out pops up, and my lack of patience for people who can’t decide where to go

Taurus: secret sensitivity under a tough layer of unflappability, and inability to focus on anything else when i’m in a bad mood 

Gemini: habit of distracting myself with random things that catch my eye, but demanding your attention nonetheless

Cancer: unexpected lashing out when i’m tired or stressed, then 1 hour later, my constant apologies to know if we’re still okay 

Leo: need for our relationship to be a whirlwind romance full of sweeping moments, love confessions and emotional rollercoasters

Virgo: need to be alone after minor work failures and also an intense desire for you to distract me from the pressing daily issues that haunt me

Libra: ability to spend a discretionary fund on vanity products and clothing within 30 minutes as a distraction from personal, deep-rooted issues

Scorpio: “you’ll never see me cry” mentality coupled with an expectation that you, too, would kill for our love, like I would

Sagittarius: reluctance to rely on you for anything and extreme discomfort when talking about deeper emotions

Capricorn: carefully planned schedule and working routine that i will not abandon for an hour of spontaneous romance 

Aquarius: extremely friendly approach to romance because of my fear of opening up on a deeper level

Pisces: need to fully experience every human emotion ever and fluctuating emotional states depending on who’s around me 

[nezdabez]

Yup

[zodiac--signs]

advice

[zodiac--signs]

Aries: don't be frustrated when you act without planning out details. you're abnormally driven, but people learn best through experience. keep living your way.

Taurus: never forget that it's your stubborn nature that keeps you fixed on a goal, long after others have given up.

Gemini: you're not fake. you're a chameleon and you can be ANYTHING you want. embrace it.

Cancer: if you're moody, that's only because you're a psychic sponge. there's nothing wrong with you. that's a gift, use it to your advantage.

Leo: you have quite a reputation for being too prideful, but you're so friendly, warm and generous, it's really hard not to like you. there's no reason for you to feel unloved.

Virgo: you're not a "neat freak" and you don't need to control everything at all times. you don't even strive for perfection, you strive for EFFICIENCY.

Libra: don't let anyone tell you you're shallow or vapid. you're the whole package: brains and beauty. honestly, you're both pretty and smart asf.

Scorpio: keep aiming to achieve the greatest and don't give up when the road gets tough. believe in yourself. you work better under pressure and uphill challenges.

Sagittarius: whoever says you need to stop being so blunt is lying. that honesty of yours is a beacon of light in confusing times.

Capricorn: never be ashamed of your pursuit of status or power. as long as you don't compromise your integrity to get there, don't settle for mediocrity. you can achieve it all.

Aquarius: you're the one who has the faraway look, even if you feel cut off from others, don't waste your brilliance. you don't need to fit into the bland mold.

Pisces: it's both a blessing and a curse to sense everything around you, but avoid just drifting: find your sense of purpose and make the world a better place.

[allleyezzonme]

You know what strength is? Forgiving a person who wasn’t even sorry.

[mydrunkenwritings]

What’s wrong with me?

Why is it every time something goes wrong, as things can do from time to time, I immediately blame myself? Relationships fail. Friendships end. Hardships happen. It’s a fact of life. But every time it hits me harder and harder and makes me feel like the issue is me. It makes sense right? The common factor in all aspects is me. He’s pulling away because I’m not good enough. They’re ignoring you because you’re no longer fun. You feel lonely because you’re not a good person.

The crazy thing is, I know this all sounds crazy, yet I can’t stop thinking this way. It all comes down to the same question.

What’s wrong with me.

[mydrunkenwritings]

I like drunk me more than sober me

She’s a bitch. Buuuuut she gets things done. She’s assertive but not too aggressive. She’s truthful, and sometimes crosses the line of being an asshole, but she’s a good friend. She looks out for the ones she cares about, and in a round-a-bout way they appreciate her. She isn’t the nicest, or friendliest, she definitely won’t win prom queen, but she takes care of the things that matter to her, and that’s all you can ask for, from any person.

[mydrunkenwritings]

Hardships&Failures

I know what it’s like to define yourself as a failure. Not someone who fails. But someone who has never succeeded, never felt worthy, never felt that they truly deserved the accomplishments they’ve achieved. You feel pathetic. You feel like you’re friends and family are betting on a losing horse. You feel like you owe your whole existence to one person, but yet killing yourself for them still wouldn’t be payment enough. I wouldn’t wish this downward spiral on anyone. Today I’ve experienced hardships from every angle. A friend that is beyond worked up and anxious feeling like her next move only consists of stripping or the military or death. I cannot describe what I would give to tell her and show her what kind of a person she is the the true potential she has to be great in any field she chooses. Even if that path leads her to strip or the military or the be the doctor that cures cancer. She has greatness inside her and I don’t know how to make her notice how spectacular and unique and truly amazing of a human she is. My other “friend” hasn’t really been considered one for a year now. Every mean derogatory name you can think of, she fits the bill. And yet I’m still concerned to the pits of my being that she will attempt something truly stupid. She is the smartest person I have ever met, but the fact that she acts like it makes me never want to tell her how much I admire her wit and knowledge. She’s that friend that you’ll be having a great time with then do something really shorty that makes you regret ever making time in your schedule for this person. She went from being a good person that sometimes does shitty things, to a really shitty person that might do a good thing every once in a while. It sucks. I want to shake her and slap her and wake her up from this dark, egotistical, dramatic, funk she’s in. But I’m not a therapist, nor am I a psychiatrist, nor do I have any kind of answers. It’s not my place to slap, talk, or wake her up, but dear God how much I wish I could. She’s the first to push you away then bitch she has no one in her life, that kills me the most, because if she ever called me and said she needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat, because every human needs compassion and love, and the warmth of another person to guide them out of the darkness. Knowing you’re not alone is just as powerful as knowing you’re not actually crazy, knowing that the fears and anxiety and irrationality is not only common but normal..I could cry right now just thinking of the 500lb weight being lifted from my chest. Walking around with the ideas that you’re pathetic, worthless, a failure, you owe someone an emotional debt so great you could never repay them, it hurts and weighs, and kills. Oh how I wish I could take my beloved friends and show them how they’re my light. They’re my rock. I feel worn and like I could expire at any moment without them, I just wish they could see the strength they provide for me.

[mydrunkenwritings]

4/26/2017

I just need a little something for me. Whether that be my drunken stream of consciousness, or letters I’ll never send, or my asshole opinions. The grammar won’t always be perfect. The point may be hard to find. But I don’t care, because it’s for me.