my faulty body

[myfaultybody]

Pregnant!

Follistim and IUI worked the first cycle we tried!!! I injected 75 units of follistim for 9 days, and had two ultrasounds to check the progress.

LMP was December 3rd. Got my BFP finally on December 31st. Today I am 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Due date is September 9th, 2019.

On trigger day, the ultrasound showed 4 follicles. I'm secretly hoping for twins.

[myfaultybody]

I'm pissed off at the universe right now.

It's just not fair. I'm spotting and cramping which means my period is coming. So, a third cycle of femara has failed for us.

The last time we spoke with the doctor, she said if this didn't work we could move on to injectables. I'm not sure what that entails or how much it costs but I want to do it.

[myfaultybody]

Femara (Letrozole)

This is currently the 2nd month we have tried Femara. So far everything is exactly like it was the first time.

I had vaginal dryness, which made me burst out crying in a hormonal rage during sex. We got PreSeed lubricant and it fixed the problem.

At mid-cycle, the ultrasound showed two follicles in the right ovary and one in the left. The largest was 14mm. My RE told us to trigger in two days, and we did. Had intercourse right then and 36 hours after. I had spotting a few days later.

Now, it's the two-week waiting period.

[myfaultybody]

Trying it again.

We sold our first house and ended up with a little money to use on this baby making project. We went back to the same reproductive endocrinologist (RE) from two years ago.

My RE put me on 7.5mg Letrozole during cycle days (cd) 3-7. The ultrasound on cd 12 showed many follicles (thanks PCOS), but three were large enough to measure and comment on. The Letrozole worked! The left ovary showed two follicles measuring 13mm and 14mm, and the right ovary showed one 13mm.

With instructions to wait 3 days for the follicles to mature further, we took home the trigger shot (Novarel) and put it in the freezer to wait for triggering day, which is tomorrow.

I'll let you know when we know more.

[myfaultybody]

I think I may be crazy. I go between feeling sad that I’m infertile and feeling relieved that I will never have to deal with bratty children. I guess it’s a way to cope.

[myfaultybody]

I hate my body. It doesn’t work correctly. I feel so ashamed.

[myfaultybody]

KKI (sister-in-law) is rumored to be pregnant. I know I shouldn’t consider it true until an official announcement, but for some reason EC’s (husband’s) brother(OI) has found the need to mention it several times and it makes me feel sorry for myself. I can’t seem to stop thinking of myself and making it all about me, but whenever a couple gets pregnant I am reminded of what we haven’t been able to do in 8 years of trying. It’s all I think about and so naturally I am jealous when it happens to others so easily. KKI and OI have been married only two years. They got pregnant three months after they got married. They have a beautiful, healthy 14-month-old. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are expecting again. And I would be expected to be happy for them. But it will still hurt.

[myfaultybody]

People I might mention in my posts:

I live in a small midwestern American town with my husband and cats. We have a big loving family. He has four brothers and two sisters, and I have three sisters. We are lucky to live so close to the people we love the most.

I am keeping my identity private, and likewise the identities of my family members. But to keep readers engaged, I’ve created pseudo-acronyms for characters I may use throughout this blog.

EC: my husband (35) OI: my husband’s brother (33), who has a child (1) KKI: the wife of OI (28) DUI: my husband’s brother (36), single and child free KI: my husband’s brother (38), who has a child (6) DI: wife of KI (40) AB: my husband'sbrother (22), married and child free CB: wife of AB (22) KMC: my husband’s sister (38), single and child free KC: my husband’s sister (43), mother of two (25, 23), grandma of one (2) QM: the boyfriend of KC (45), father of two (19, 16) NC: the daughter of KC (23), has one child (2) DC: the son of KC (25), with a baby on the way NOI: my sister (27), mother of three (10, 7, 5) NQI: my sister (29), child free KT: my sister (31), mother of one (6)

[myfaultybody]

Timeline of Events Leading Up to Today

This is a timeline of events from the first time we met with a reproductive endocrinologist until the last follicular ultrasound which was yesterday. 

31 Mar 2016: first consultation with RE ($250)

8 May 2016: my 33rd birthday

6 Sep 2016: bloodwork ($120). TSH 1.42, Prolactin 22.2, AMH 8.4, FSH 6.0, Estradiol 72.2, Toxoplasma gondii NEG, CF screening POS, Rubella IMMUNE 

17-26 Oct 2016: took Provera to force period to start ($12)

31 Oct 2016: 8 year anniversary of miscarriage of first and only pregnancy

1 Nov 2016: period started

3-7 Nov 2016: took 50mg Clomid ($15)

14 Nov 2016: purchased Pregnyl shot ($85). Went to RE for follicular ultrasound ($380). Follicle on left ovary measured 6mm. 

14-18 Nov 2016: took 100mg Clomid ($30)

22 Nov 2016: follicular ultrasound ($380). Follicle on left ovary measured 12mm. 

22-26 Nov 2016: took 150mg Clomid ($45)

1 Dec 2016: follicular ultrasound ($380). Follicle on left ovary measured 20mm. Injected Pregnyl that night. 

3 Dec 2016: intercourse 36 hours after injection

8 Dec 2016: bloodwork ($90). TSH 0.82, Progesterone 7.4 

16 Dec 2016: period started

19-23 Dec 2016: took 200mg Clomid ($60)

27 Dec 2016: follicular ultrasound ($380). All follicles smaller than 10mm.

Results:

-$2,227

No pregnancy.