#femara

[ifwebefriends]

Just realized that my fucking cancer maintenance/hormone drugs together sounds like a fucking wizard’s curse

Zoladex

Kisquali

FEMARA!!!

[am-3w]

Im hoping for this month so badly. First day on femara happens to be mothers day. IT BETTER BE A SIGN

[that-ttc-wench]

Update

First *me* post in two years?  Sure.  So here’s where I’m at. 

It’s been two years. I’ve moved across the country, started new jobs, and bought a house with my husband. Suffered another miscarriage. Came so close to adopting two children, just to have it all fall apart so horrifically.  Still not pregnant. Probably never, ever going to be.  Lost 80 pounds in a desperate attempt to control something. Still hasn’t worked.  I’m using an Ava bracelet now to see if I am even ovulating.  No more fertility drugs or treatments.  If it happens it happens.  Not really hopeful though.  Everyone that was TTC at the time I started this seems to have gotten their miracle.  I seem the be the exception.  I still so desperately want to be a mom and find myself struggling more and more every day.  I end up crying daily about it now where I was able to keep a handle on it for so long.   But now, I feel like I’m looking down towards the end of a tunnel as I spiral down.  And honestly, I just want to hit the bottom so I can be done with all of this.  So there’s that. 

There’s the update.  The status of it all.  The ugly truth.  My side as the odd man out.  When you don’t get the two pink lines. 

[ren-writes-stories]

CD 3 Checks

I’m officially Good To Go for this cycle. I ordered shipping for the sperm, and have medications in the cabinet/fridge. I start taking 5 mg of letrozole tonight, for the next 7 nights, and there’ll be another ultrasound next Sunday (at 8 AM, ugh), to see how things are going. Hopefully the pills won’t make me cranky this time around. I already feel sorry for my wife. She’s awesome.

[madewithl0ve-blog1]

Day one on Femara

And my trigger shot will be here tomorrow. I'm so ready for my IUI!

[sensitive-post]

Mother’s Day, to my Lost Child

This was supposed to be my first.

Instead, here I am, nauseous from my first dose of Femara for my third round of IUI and trying not to cry at my work desk. This will be our last round of IUI before we take a break. We can’t afford treatment anymore.

This was supposed to be my first Mother’s Day.

You were supposed to be 21 weeks today. You were supposed to be as long as a carrot. I was supposed to feel you kicking. I was supposed to hear your heartbeat.

This was supposed to be my first Mother’s Day and I miss the too-brief moment you were in my life. I would have given anything to be your mother. I am so sorry you couldn’t be here.

I will never stop wondering who you would have been.

Would you have had your father’s kind eyes?

Would you have had your mother’s small feet?

This was supposed to be my first Mother’s Day.

How do you spend Mother’s Day when you feel like a mother, but your child never came?

[bopowithpcos-blog]

Personal Update

So it's CD 25, and if I don't get my period in the next 5-6 days, I will be late and I can test. We took a relaxing vacation in Florida and Alabama. It was great. We needed to get away. I found out that even more people from high school are having babies. I haven't cried about it yet which is a small victory for me. All I want is to have my turn, my chance. This feels like I'm running a marathon, but in slow motion while everyone else is sprinting past me. I hate it. Alex has a sperm analysis on Friday. I hope it is perfect because we already have more than we can handle in the way of fertility issues.

[sensitive-post]

Chasing Rainbows

Today is a good day. The receptionist at my RE’s office told me that my smile was infectious as I left my appointment. I replied, “I guess it just feels nice to still have hope after all this time.”

My follicle scan revealed two big, healthy follicles, one on each ovary. My lining is beautiful. I will find out later this afternoon when they call with my blood results if I am surging naturally or triggering tonight. Either way, IUI#3 is scheduled for Friday morning.

I can use all the prayers, positive vibes, well wishes, and crossed fingers you can give... please let this be my rainbow!