It's lonely out in space On such a timeless flight @myflowerpickedme - Tumblr Blog

Lately I keep playing these songs where I get entirely suffocated in the memory of you sitting to my left, driving aimlessly through the city, taking me through desolate back roads as a short cut. They feel so real. I can almost feel the wind blowing through my hair.

The content feeling of “...this could be forever”

A random rainy evening

She thinks of him.

And what it would be like to meet him for the first time…

Again.

Wondering if she’s ready to endure the fall, where she recalls a version of herself that existed fully enchanted by him…

I miss her sometimes…

It’s a good thing she doesn’t exist anymore. What a fool to think she deserved the mask he wore.

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Warm Pavement

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Who do I miss when I miss you?

He brought a breeze with him that I will never forget. At first, it carried sunshine and the exhilaration of new love, causing my soul to spin in dizzying delight while keeping me grounded. Each day felt like a fresh start, brimming with possibilities. When I close my eyes, your presence lingers in my thoughts. I wonder if you do the same. Often, I try to push your memory aside.

In my mind's eye, I envision our silhouettes dancing as fleeting particles in a space that once housed our togetherness. Now, it stands empty, a constant reminder of my mourning for you. But truth be told, I no longer recognize the person I'm missing.

Awakening to familiar sounds—the tap of doggy paws on hardwood floors, the jingle of your keys echoing through the house—I find myself nestled beneath your blankets, melting into the security of your bed. You bring me a blueberry muffin and a hazelnut macchiato. In that moment, I inhale deeply, finally believing that I deserve this love, this presence, this existence.

I allow myself to be loved by you. I share the deepest parts of myself—my art, my music, my space, my heart. You make me feel an indescribable depth of love, where my heart opens up to you like never before. It surpasses any previous connection.

We embark on small adventures, like driving through the backroads of Ashland or cruising through the city on a late-night drive, basking in the freshness of the night air and the enchanting glow of the moonlight seeping through the trees. In those moments, I feel an unparalleled sense of safety.

You were the last person who made me embrace unexpected happiness. You were the last chance I took. And now, I find myself hesitant to take risks anymore.

I will never truly know if you loved me. Sometimes, I wonder if this was meant to be a lesson, an opportunity for growth, or a path where I must learn to let go. There's a tiny part of my mind that daydreams about you seeking help, about you finding a way to love yourself, so I can witness the real you. I know your hatred extends to everyone, even yourself. It's heart-wrenching and catches me off guard at the most random moments.

I wish I could encapsulate the time, the space, and the love we shared in a box, so I could sit with it for a while. Because I deserve to experience what I thought was love. Ever since you revealed your true self, I've been consumed by loneliness and bitterness towards the world. In this cocoon of self-imposed isolation from love, I have become a reluctant recluse, guarded against any potential for heartache. The idea of surprises and new connections no longer sparks excitement within me. But amidst this self-preservation, there exists an ache that cuts deep into my soul.

There are moments when his absence is suffocating, like a vacuum that sucks the oxygen from my lungs. It's as if he lingers, a ghost of the past haunting me in the realm of the living. The memories of what we once shared, like a bittersweet melody, resonate through my being, leaving me yearning for a love I once knew.

I sit alone now, sipping coffee in solitude. The warmth of the drink no longer accompanied by the sweet reminder of his presence. The coffee turns cold, mirroring the emptiness that has settled within me. Under the same sky where we once roamed together, I now chain smoke, searching for some semblance of comfort in the familiar habit. But the sky feels vast and empty without him by my side. The silence is deafening, echoing the hollowness that now surrounds me.

I find myself yearning for the days when we navigated life together, finding solace in each other's company. Now, the silence weighs heavily on my heart, and I am left to grapple with the stark reality of being alone. In these moments of quiet contemplation, I wonder if he feels the void as I do, if he carries the weight of our lost love in his heart. Does he also miss the warmth of our connection, the way our souls intertwined in harmony? The pain of longing and the ache of missing him are unwavering companions, lingering like shadows in the corners of my mind. They serve as constant reminders of what once was and what could have been. I walk this path of isolation, haunted by the ghost of our love, uncertain if I will ever allow myself to venture into the realm of love again. The fear of heartbreak is a formidable adversary, keeping me anchored in my solitude. The responsibility of raising his children alone rests upon my shoulders. Each day, I witness their growth and transformation, and in their eyes, I catch glimpses of him—reminders of the love we once shared. It's a journey of mixed emotions, a blend of joy and longing, as he remains a part of them while being so distant from our family. The questions haunt me, tearing at my soul. What could I have done differently to earn his love openly, to break free from the need to hide our connection? Did I overwhelm him, was I too much to handle, or was our compatibility merely an illusion? These uncertainties torment my mind, leaving me lost in a labyrinth of unanswerable queries. The ties that bind me to him seem unyielding, like heavy chains refusing to let go. They pull me back to the memories of our intense and genuine love, to the moments we once shared. Some days, the weight becomes unbearable, suffocating me under the burden of what was and what can never be again.