skinny depression

I do not promote any mental illness that is shown on this blog, this is just an outlet for me. Please, if you're suffering from a mental illness, seek help. Message me if you'd like to be friends. The pictures shown on this blog aren't mine unless I say so.

[mygrungedepression]

My life is such a joke tbh. So basically, I have a best friend and we kind of turned it into a fwb thing. Last night things were getting heated again but at some point it started to hurt so I began having stupid flashbacks to when I was abused by my ex. I tried to keep going because I'm so used to guys getting angry if I stop but this angel of a man immediately pulls me off of him the second he notices I'm uncomfortable. Now at this point I just start crying because I assumed he was gonna be mad at me but no, this guy takes off his own trousers and puts them on me so I'd feel less vulnerable, goes to get this stuffed lion he once gave me, tucks me in, puts on my favourite podcast, and just held me until I calmed down.

It's just so ironic that the first guy who actually treats me so amazingly is just a fwb and we'll probably never be able to be anything more. I mean we spent valentine's day together, we went to a movie and then proceeded to dance in the rain while listening to cottagecore music, I was basically dying inside of how adorable it was. This had the potential to be the greatest relationship of my life but I keep having to tell myself he'll never be more than a friend whom I occasionally hook up with

Anyway, thanks for coming to my rant

[mygrungedepression]

I'd like to add that after this happened he didn't immediately hug me but first asked me if I was okay with being touched. We need more guys like this

[mygrungedepression]

My life is such a joke tbh. So basically, I have a best friend and we kind of turned it into a fwb thing. Last night things were getting heated again but at some point it started to hurt so I began having stupid flashbacks to when I was abused by my ex. I tried to keep going because I'm so used to guys getting angry if I stop but this angel of a man immediately pulls me off of him the second he notices I'm uncomfortable. Now at this point I just start crying because I assumed he was gonna be mad at me but no, this guy takes off his own trousers and puts them on me so I'd feel less vulnerable, goes to get this stuffed lion he once gave me, tucks me in, puts on my favourite podcast, and just held me until I calmed down.

It's just so ironic that the first guy who actually treats me so amazingly is just a fwb and we'll probably never be able to be anything more. I mean we spent valentine's day together, we went to a movie and then proceeded to dance in the rain while listening to cottagecore music, I was basically dying inside of how adorable it was. This had the potential to be the greatest relationship of my life but I keep having to tell myself he'll never be more than a friend whom I occasionally hook up with

Anyway, thanks for coming to my rant

[anarexihoe-deactivated20220906]

“No thanks I already ate dinner”

The dinner in question:

[mygrungedepression]

Just came home from college. Walked into my room and the first thing I notice is the fact that my mom 'cleaned' it. My ashtray and empty bottles are on my windowsill, diet pills on my desk, hidden bag of puke is gone (disgusting I know) along with my razorblades and this little bag of saved up antidepressants and pain medication. Might just fuck off back to college cause I don't see this confrontation ending well 🙃 (please keep in mind that I'm 21 so I'm legally allowed to smoke and drink, my mom just sees me as a little 10 year old kid)

[mygrungedepression]

Me on my way to lie to my therapist so I don't get put in grippy sock time out

[mygrungedepression]

Couple of months ago I thought I found the perfect best friend 🤡

Things she's done that piss me off so far:

- She knows about my ed and whenever she sees me eat literally anything she has to be sarcastic about it, for example a while ago I hadn't eaten in three days and was feeling really bad so I go to grab something only for her to say "oh with cheese? You know that's extra calories right?" Did she say it as a joke? Yes. Was it funny? Absolutely not. She does this sort of shit with everything I eat in front of her.

- Gets mad at me when guys talk to me. She already completely ruined my chances with a guy she didn't even find attractive, but yesterday evening a guy she did find attractive started talking to me (I didn't even start the conversation) and she just started yelling at me that she'd already 'claimed' him. Yes we have a running joke in the friendgroup where we 'claim' people but most of them are fictional characters and it doesn't even mean anything. You can't dictate who talks to who. Last couple of times I wrote it off on her being drunk but she was sober this time so guess she's just constantly like this

- Ruin club nights completely. Look I don't like going out but I'm trying to somewhat enjoy my student years. Everytime we go out she gets absolutely wasted and I have to spend the whole night taking care of her instead of having fun. This isn't just the 'I'm going on an adventure' drunk either, last time she started lashing out at a friend because she was talking to the guy my bsf rejected

- criticize literally everything. Don't think this needs much explaining.

- Doesn't give a shit about anything I say. If I try to talk to her about something that's bothering me the only replies I get are 'oh' and 'oops' and then she just starts talking about herself. Keep in mind if she needs me I often stay up until 4 am talking to her and calming her down

- She constantly complains to me how no one listens to her, no one is there for her, she has no friends, and half the time she calls me to tell me she wants to talk to someone else but they didn't pick up. As said before I stay up late trying to help her so constantly getting these speeches honestly feels so bad.

I absolutely hate talking about friends behind their backs but I really needed to get this of my chest so I figured this was the best place for it

[mygrungedepression]

I present to you: European breakfast, sad girl lunch, and peaky blinders dinner 😌 I should not be allowed to live alone

I don't even like smoking tbh, just do it because it makes me nauseous 🙃

[mygrungedepression]

Me: you didn't need to spy on me and follow me to the bathroom, if you were suspicious you could have just asked me if I have an ED, I promise I would have been honest!

Also me whenever someone asks if I have an ED:

[mygrungedepression]

Idk where else to take this so I'm doing it here.

I'm home for the summer and without anyone asking me I did the laundry, I cleaned, I did the dishes, I cooked, etc. All so my mom wouldn't have to. But then when I'm telling her a story she just turns her back to me and starts talking to my brother. Like I know he's the favourite child but does she really need to make it this obvious?

Like any person would I texted my best friend only to receive "oh" as the only response and then she started talking about herself. Just now, she got drunk and texted me an entire paragraph about how I suck and how I'm a terrible friend. Keep in mind I stay up every night talking to her and making sure she's alright, whenever she needs me I drop everything. I hardly ever text her about feeling bad but that one time I did she does this.

My ed is spiralling out of control, I'm failing uni, I broke up with my relationship of three years, I already hurt a couple of my friends, and now I cut myself for the first time in an entire year. I really really needed her, but I couldn't count on her

[mygrungedepression]

I just weighed myself and I'm at the lw I've been since I was 17. I'm turning 21 at the end of the year. Four years ago I thought I would have been so glad, I thought everything would be better when I reached this weight (not disclosing it because I don't want to trigger anyone) instead I immediately burst into tears when I saw it. I don't feel happy, I feel lonely, and sick, and most of all absolutely terrified. I have one of the most important exams of the year today, if I fail this I fail my entire year. But instead of focusing on studying and actually trying to pass all I can think about is food, and calories, and exercise, and the terrifying prospect of having to go out with my friends after the exam. I mean, I'm 21, I should be looking forward to my future, I should happily go out with my very loving friends and get drunk and do stuff I'll probably regret once I'm sober but not give a shit about it because that's what I'm supposed to do.

If I fail this exam I'll sign myself into a clinic. I don't care if it means giving up my internship and missing to first couple of months of the school year, I just want this to stop.

Sorry for the depressed rant, next couple of posts will probably go back to being awful memes

[mygrungedepression]

Me walking back into the kitchen to boil an egg after purging for half an hour

[mygrungedepression]

Me pretending to actually enjoy drinking almond milk

[mygrungedepression]

The cashier watching me buy zero cal sweetener and unsweetened almond milk while simultaneously buying 3000 kcal worth of binge food

[mygrungedepression]

Low cal mushroom soup

Disclaimer: I'm not posting this to fuel anyone's ED. I'm posting this so that people might feel comfortable enough to eat this and at least get some nutrients in their body, even if it's just soup. Please please please stay safe and seek help from a professional, or at least someone to talk to.

With that out of the way, here's the recipe (kcal may vary according to the brands you use):

- 500g of mushrooms (110kcal)

- 1 red onion (37kcal)

- 100g of potatoes (88kcal)

- 100ml of milk (48kcal)

- 2 bouillon cubes (around 14kcal)

- 125cl water

Method:

- wash your mushrooms and cut them into little pieces

- add your mushrooms to a hot pan and bake until they turn a dark brown

- while your mushrooms are on the stove, cut the onion and add into a large pot, lightly sauté until golden brown and then add your mushrooms

- add 125cl of water (or however much you prefer, I usually only use 1l but it's up to you) and the bouillon cubes (1/500cl)

- peel your potatoes (optional) and cut them into little pieces. Add them to the broth and let boil until they're soft

- if you want you can use a mixer, I'm not a fan of lumpy soup so I always mix but again, that's just personal preference

- add 100ml of milk and your preferred spices

- enjoy!

1 portion (250ml) is around 60kcal

[mygrungedepression]

I just don’t understand. I was recovering, and it was going so well. Then a few months ago I finally got into a new relationship after being terrified for a while because of a very abusive relationship. My boyfriend is fantastic and I’m so happy with him but everyday I can feel myself falling back into old habits. I don’t want to do this again but I just can’t stop

[mygrungedepression]

Ah those good old days when I still thought my bf was perfect eventhough there were thousands of red flags from the start 😌 gonna try breaking up with him on Sunday after three years of his degrading bullshit

[mygrungedepression]

My dentist: Don't eat until the anesthesia has worn off

Me:

[mygrungedepression]

Me: oh I'm so excited to go to the dentist, this way I can just tell my parents my teeth hurt and I can't eat!

Also me when that insensitive bitch actually hurts me and now I really can't eat:

Why yes, I am bringing back surprised pikachu eventhough it's a dead meme by now