Here I am...
...Single again. This mind-fuck of a relationship really did a number on my soul--even if it was just for three months. But, here I am again... repeating the same patterns over and over again.Â
Have you ever been in a relationship that drained your entire SOUL? Like, nothing you did was good enough? You started feeling like, “whoa, this isn’t me”. Insecurities that you didn’t know existed jumped out at you like a deer in the headlights. Red flags were flying left and right--however, you wanted to stay because you didn’t trust your own intuition. You kept telling yourself... “He will change, just give it a chance...”
Yea... I know, I know... I dodged a bullet with him. One thing to know about dating a psychopath/narcissist is that they will have a hold on you for a while after you call it quits. Assuming you are strong enough to walk away. My codependent-ass just wouldn’t let go and trust my first instinct. No matter how many red flags popped up... I wanted to help him. I wanted to save him. I needed him to SAVE me. And I certainly did not want to be alone. And yet--
Here I am...single again. Because I chose to walk away and put ME first. Because I LOVED myself enough to know that what I was experiencing was not right.Â
Here I am alone with my dreaded and numb feelings and thoughts.Â
It is time for me to really look deep within myself and sort out my feelings and truly heal from ALL of the trauma in my life. How I will do this... I have no clue. I want to be whole and finally stop relying on someone to save me. We all know-- nobody is coming to save us. There is no knight in shining armor coming to fight for you, princess. We have to save ourselves.