my hidden closet

hiding away from the social construct to deconstruct my mind.

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What does God want me to want?

God wants me to lead a life which honours my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, a healthy relationship with my parents, volunteer to teach kids from families of low SES, a successful prep school for primary school kids that would glorify His name and a life filled with His grace and favour (a house near Botanic Gardens around Napier). I can enjoy scones and earl grey tea, a massage, floral arrangement with God and Kobo.

God-centered disciplines:

Spend time with God every morning

Pray daily, three times a day

Memorise one verse a week

Tithe 10% of my income and 10% to invest

Exercise at least twice a week

Journal my thoughts every day; it could be a word, a phrase or a sentence. Anything, really. It doesn't have to be a paragraph with perfect grammar.

SGD 10 offering each week at the service.

Do Daniel fast

Relying on God's strength, I will do today what I can do to enable me to do tomorrow what I can't do today.

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I am a very broken person.

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my prayer for you

I still think about you. I don't know why, but I still do.

Each time I thought of you, I'd pray. I'd recall what you said to me about how lonely it is to be at the top and you've been relying on pills to help you sleep. I hope your sleep has improved. I don't know how it's like andI don't know how your walk with God is, but I'd pray that God will reveal Himself to you - that only He can fill up that space. And each time you feel this way, know that someone is praying for you.

Meeting you, I was at the turning point in my spiritual life. I've since then repented of my sinful ways and returned to God.

The advice that you gave, I kept them in my heart - the one on friendship. I became more intentional with whom I keep in my life.

and the other advices as well. Sometimes your words will repeat in my head.

I'd also pray for the reconciliation with your ex-wife. I'm an outsider so who am I to judge.

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And this is when the feeling sinks in

I don't wanna miss you like this

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God gives second chance

Feeling like God's giving me a second chance.

I'm still wrestling with the same questions I had then before I fell away from God but this time round, my approach is different - putting Him first. And because I put Him first, through prayers and being sensitive to His presence, God has been revealing the answers bit by bit.

Holding on to Psalm 23.

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thoughts

I find myself thinking

"What if the person bears the fruits of the Spirit yet has not found a church yet?"

vs

"If the person is attending church yet does not bear the fruits of the Spirit, should I consider him?"

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Planning Ahead and Surrendering Think about your upcoming plans for the day, week, year, and beyond. Maybe you want to start a business. Maybe you want to raise a family. Maybe you want to write a book. Maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you want to start a ministry. Maybe you want to volunteer in your city. Maybe you want to plant a garden. Maybe you want to pay off debt. Scripture tells us … “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 NIV Making plans isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the Bible tells us that we will harvest what we plant (Galatians 6:7), so we should be diligent—not lazy—to wisely prepare for the future. But we must simultaneously hold those plans loosely, because God knows the full picture of our lives. God is always working in and through His people, giving them the desire and power to do what pleases Him (Philippians 2:13). But sometimes, we require rerouting. Sometimes what we want isn’t in His plan. But even when we don’t get what we’ve hoped for, He always has our good and His glory in mind.  Jesus modeled how to surrender His own plans by literally giving His life up for us—for our freedom. And, even though it wasn’t easy, our lives and our futures look different because God’s purpose prevailed. So today, make a list of some of your plans and dreams. Then hold your hands out in front of you, and visualize giving all of your dreams and plans over to God. Then, ask God to show you which plans He wants to give back to you and if there are any new dreams He’s longing for you to receive.

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Cultivate What Matters Imagine you have two seeds in your hand and you can only plant one. One seed grows easily, but it produces produces ugly, terrible tasting fruit. Cultivating the other seed takes time and consistent attention—but the fruit it produces is beautiful and delicious. Which seed would you choose to plant, water, and grow?  In Galatians 5, the apostle Paul talks about two types of fruit our lives can produce: fruit of the flesh and fruit of the Spirit. “The flesh” refers to our desires that pull us away from God’s Holy Spirit. Those desires produce hate, impatience, bitterness, selfishness, rudeness, chaos, and self-indulgence—and God has no association with such things. But when we commit our lives to Jesus, He gives us His Holy Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit helps us “crucify” the desires of our flesh and put them to death. And when we crucify those desires, we create room for the Holy Spirit to produce fruit in us that leads to positive life change.  “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  Galatians 5:22-23 NIV Our flesh wants to get even, but the Spirit calls us to extend kindness. Our flesh wants to entertain sinful thoughts, but the Spirit calls us to walk in self-control. Our flesh wants to dictate our emotional response, but the Spirit calls us to walk in joy and peace. The Fruit of the Spirit reveals that we are actively seeking God and rejecting disobedience.   So right now, reflect on your life. What fruit is it producing? Are you experiencing love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness—or are there pockets of bitterness, anger, jealousy, and self-indulgence in your life? What steps do you need to take to “crucify” beliefs and attitudes pulling you away from God? Let the Holy Spirit show you what you need to remove, and then allow Him to transform your attitudes, actions, and desires.

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Honoring the Poor How different would our world, communities, and homes look if we committed to helping the hurting around us? The writer of Proverbs penned these words: “If you help the poor, you are lending to the Lord—and he will repay you!” Proverbs 19:17 NLT There are those who are financially or materialistically poor. Maybe they were born into a cycle of poverty, have hit hard times, or are physically or mentally sick. But there are also those—like Jesus mentioned in Matthew 5—who are poor in spirit.  Giving generously to those in need, caring for the vulnerable, and living an open-hearted life is the call of every believer.  Jesus echoed this theme in Matthew 25, explaining that good works like feeding the hungry, clothing the needy, showing hospitality to strangers, and visiting the sick will not go unnoticed. In fact, when we do such things, we're actually serving Jesus (Matthew 25:40). How wonderful would it be to end poverty, stop hunger, and witness the day when the world is entirely at peace? Eventually, Jesus will make all that is wrong right, once and for all. But until then, we get to keep serving Him and loving others every chance we get. No one can do everything, but we all can do something.  Genuine followers of Jesus will be compelled by His Spirit to love the people He’s created. And if that’s not enough, we can believe Him when He says that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). John put it this way: “If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?” 1 John 3:17 NLT When we serve God’s people out of obedience, we're really serving Him!

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So, You Like A Guy, Now What? — Yelena Sheremeta

Growing up in a Slavic community, I was raised on a steady diet of stories of miracles and God-written love stories. Our ancestors grew up i

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I am humbled by their dedication to the church. I, for one, fell away when earthly responsibilities were upon me.

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Joy in Hard Times Nobody enjoys suffering. It’s hard to find joy in the midst of trials or difficult seasons—it’s much easier to feel sadness or misery. That’s why Paul’s encouragement in Romans 5 may sound contradictory. Paul was writing this to the church in Rome experiencing suffering from ungodly rulers, and yet he encourages them to rejoice in their suffering.  It wasn’t enough to just endure suffering—he tells them to have joy. Paul knew that it wasn’t natural to be joyful in hard times, but through the work of Jesus, Christians have peace with God and access to faith (Romans 5:1-2). Faith allows us to hold onto the hope that suffering isn’t the end of our story.  Because we know that God works within our difficult situations, we can have patience and perseverance for God to complete His work. Perseverance refines our character. As we wait on God, we become people who look more like Jesus, and our trust in God grows stronger. This increases hope within us.  It’s not easy when you see suffering to have hope. But as we trust in God, we are strengthened to continue to endure. When we look at suffering from God’s perspective, we begin to realize that He is working to bring glory in every situation. God has shown us through the Holy Spirit that He loves us. He suffered and gave Himself for us so that we could have a relationship with Him, and He will continue to give us everything we need to live a life that honors Him. So consider how God is working in your life, even through difficult seasons. Think about the ways God has poured His love into you through the Holy Spirit. Ask Him for strength to persevere, and let that perseverance develop into a strong character that hopes and trusts in God even in hard times. And when persevering gets difficult, hold onto this truth: God has given everything for you, and He will never leave your side.

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The Urgency of Giving Have you ever waited to do something you knew was the right thing to do?  When Paul wrote his second letter to the Corinthians, the church in Corinth needed correction. In the ninth chapter, Paul focused on a promise the Corinthians had made a year before to help struggling Christians in Jerusalem. Not only had the Corinthians made this promise—to collect an offering and send it to Jerusalem—but they were so eager in their pledge, they had inspired other churches to follow their lead. However, the Corinthians were taking a long time to follow through on their promise, and in the meantime, their brothers and sisters in Jerusalem were suffering. Not only that, their eagerness to give had waned, and they were no longer setting the generous example they had before. So Paul wrote: “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV When we are reluctant to give, we miss out on the chance to bless others. Disobedience can harden our hearts toward others. We can hold on to what we have because we think we know best. Instead, when you give with urgency, Paul says, “God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). He will bless you “so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God” (2 Corinthians 9:11). Now, that may not always mean God will enrich you financially. But it does mean that God will always provide you with the means to be generous—with your time, energy, and money. And because God does not wait to provide for us, we shouldn’t wait to provide for others. Today, look for opportunities to show your generosity and share the good gifts God has given you—and when you see one, don’t wait to act! Instead, give with a cheerful spirit.

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Great Joy James, the half-brother of Jesus, couldn’t believe that his flesh-and-blood sibling was the actual Son of God—until He rose from the dead. Then, he was convinced. It was that same James who wrote: “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:2-3 NLT According to the first-century Jewish historian, Josephus, James was eventually martyred for his confident faith in Jesus—his brother and his Lord. Here are five things to note from James’ mini-sermon: - First, the text says “when troubles of any kind come your way…” It’s not if troubles come our way, but when. We live in a broken world that has not yet been fully restored, so we shouldn’t be surprised when issues and challenges arise. - Second, the text says “when troubles of any kind come your way…” Not merely justified trouble or undeserved trouble, but any kind of trouble. And even when troubles find you, it’s an opportunity for joy. - Third, the text connects hardships with the testing of our faith. This doesn’t mean that God causes every challenge in our life, but He can certainly use them to reveal what’s inside. It’s in the refining that we’re made to look like Him. - Fourth, the text says, especially during difficult seasons or situations, to “consider it an opportunity for great joy.” Happiness is dependent on circumstances, but joy is accessible no matter what. - Fifth, the text implies that troubles, trials, or difficulties all create space for endurance to grow. Think of a flower: In order for a flower to grow, it has to go through something—that something being dirt. So when you’re faced with hard things and can’t understand why, consider it an opportunity for great joy. That’s when you know that you’re growing and becoming more like Him.

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It’s Him—In Us Think about it: God made you. God put you here, at this specific time in history. God has a plan and purpose for your life. Not only that, but He gave you a brain that thinks, a heart that beats, and lungs that breathe. He gave you talents and abilities, hopes and desires. He gave you ears and eyes, muscles and ligaments. And He positioned you on this planet that happens to be in the ideal position in our solar system for life to thrive. You are a part of God's plan. A mysteriously beautiful part of God’s plan is that He chooses to work through His people… “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13 NLT Everything starts with God and comes from God. But we get to choose if we’ll listen to His Spirit and follow where He leads, or ignore Him. We get to decide if we’ll submit to His nudges and act on His promptings, or try to do it on our own. It’s all God, but it’s also Him working in and through His people—just as He intended. For those of us who belong to Christ, we are filled with His Spirit. We’re no longer slaves to sin or to this world. We’re no longer incapable of following God. Instead, He gives us new dreams and desires, thoughts and power, and a heart of compassion instead of selfishness.  So if an idea pops into your mind about blessing or encouraging someone else, don’t dismiss it. If you suddenly have a burning desire to share His message, to serve others, to give generously, or to shine His love, pay attention. It’s likely the Spirit of God, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him.

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Be Strong and Courageous When Paul wrote his first letter to the Corinthian church, he was writing to believers experiencing intense division. Power and politics within the church community were causing Christians to stray from Jesus’ teachings and compete with each other. And because of this, the poor were suffering, people were confused about theology, and immorality was being tolerated.  So after calling out their mistakes, and showing them how to live Spirit-filled lives, Paul summarizes his desire for the Corinthians with these words: "Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NLT Be on guard… Paul uses this phrase to remind his friends to keep watch over their lives, their community, and their choices. He knew that if they didn’t stay aware, then they wouldn’t notice the lies, tricks, or deceptions the devil was using to infiltrate their community. Stand firm… Immorality was a major issue in the Corinthian church. But instead of addressing this problem, Corinthian Christians tolerated it. So Paul reminded them that they were one body. If one person was allowed to disrespect God, then they were all part of the problem. They needed to learn how to stand firm in their faith so that their ultimate desire would be to please God, not people. Be courageous. Be strong…  In order to resist spiritual attacks, the Corinthians needed to stand strong together. They needed to courageously use their gifts and talents to strengthen their church community and help it grow—even when it seemed counter-cultural and uncomfortable.   …And do everything in love. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes that even if he could be perfect, do everything right, never sin, and always keep God’s commands—if he didn’t have love, it would mean nothing. Strength, courage, and commitment—none of it matters if God’s love isn’t at the center of everything we think and do.   If God’s love doesn’t define us, standing firm can become self-righteousness, strength can turn into stubbornness, and courage can become arrogance. God invited us to a better way. Today, what steps will you take to stand firm in what you believe with strength and courage? As you determine what choices you need to make, remember that God fights for you, and His Spirit is with you. He can empower you to receive and boldly share His love.

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Love One Another Jesus said two important things about our love for each other. First, that all people will know we are His disciples if we love one another (John 13:34). Second, our unity in Him will let the world know that God had sent Him into the world (John 17:23). Jesus said the world will know He has come by how His followers love each other. We should love one another in such a way that those who do not believe in Jesus would be astounded and curious to learn more about Him.  Jesus knew this world would be full of anger, strife, and conflict. This is all the more reason it should be a priority to love other people with the same love God has for us. Loving others unveils to the world the great and loving God who loved us first. Years after Jesus’ resurrection, the apostle John wrote three short letters to followers of Jesus. In his first letter, he takes the time to talk to them about how to love, and why it matters. John wrote: “love is from God … if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another … we love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:7, 11, 19)  He even goes as far as to say, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20 ESV)  There’s no way around this. John makes it clear that our love for one another is proof that God’s love is in us. So if we say that we love God, then we should be committed to showing love to each other. As you reflect on today’s verse, ask yourself: Is there anyone in my life that I need to show love to today? Is there anyone I need to forgive? In what ways can I love my brothers and sisters in Jesus?