Living With HSV2

Lol shit happens. 08/18/17

[myhsv2journey]

Day 874 - 01/09/2020

Update~

Single and happy. I don’t know if I posted about my relationship of almost 2 years ending, but it happened. I dealt with it, and I’m happy now. Looking back, it was actually really toxic. He even used my HSV against me a few times and I brushed it off. But that’s history.

I have yet to have an outbreak, but I went to planned parenthood and they hooked it up with the meds. I didn’t know that you could take it daily to reduce your chances of having an outbreak or spreading the virus.

I don’t know what else to write about other than I’m content with life (other than work cause that shit sucks lol).

Still always open to talking if anyone ever needs it! I’m not an expert in anyways, but I’d love to share my experiences and advice :)

[myhsv2journey]

Day 403 - 09/25/18

All is well. At this point I just say “same old, same old”.

Nothing new, nothing different. Feelings are much better, though.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 400 - 09/22/18

It’s been a while since I posted. I was hoping to make a post around my “one year anniversary” but I totally forgot to. It’s been a little bit over a year now, that I was diagnosed with Herpes. It’s been a fucking roller coaster, man.

First off, I got Herpes and I had to fucking learn how to live with and deal with it. Most times I forgot about it, and when I did remember it I probably cried about it. But the thing that has kept me strong was my boyfriend. Which leads me to my second point.

Second, I’ve been in my first relationship ever for close to a year now. I’ve never been this happy. But at the same time, right now I find myself so unhappy. He decided that he wanted to take a “break”. He’s been noticeably different lady, but I understand that he wants to take some personal time. But that directly affects me. I “have a boyfriend” but currently, I feel single. I don’t know it just seems unfair.

But at present (which shouldn’t be taken too seriously since I’ve been consuming alcohol and weed) I feel unhappy. I feel like people just deal with me because I’m just there or because they want a good schedule at work since I write their schedule. It doesn’t feel like anyone genuinely likes me.

I don’t know. Overall, I feel fine. I’m somewhat happy with life and I’ve dealt with the Herpes. But part of me will always remember it and know that it affects my life in a predominant way. Aside from the Herpes, I’m also feeling kind of shitty. But we’ll see where I end up, I guess.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 201 - 03/07/18

Well, fuck. Herpes rears it’s ugly fucking head again.

The last couple months have been amazing. I spent it pretty stress free and with my first ever boyfriend. Everything seemed great. Until now... now that I’m having an outbreak.

I guess I’ve been suppressing my thoughts and feelings about herpes because it wasn’t relevant. I actually forgot I had it most of the time. I have been pretty ignorant about it and neglecting my responsibilities.

The boyfriend just had a talk with me. He’s getting tested tomorrow. We’re pretty sure he has it. He was trying his best to not put the blame on me. But there’s really no way to spin it. It’s my fault. Anything said is going to hurt.

He did say in the beginning “I don’t care that you have it” and I took it literally so I’ve been comfortable. Too comfortable. Now I have to live with the guilt of knowing that I gave it to him.

Part of me wants to be positive and just say “herpes isn’t the end of the world, it’s just annoying” but the stigma is strong. Too strong to break.

I haven’t felt this low since the beginning. I also haven’t been this stressed out. And I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. Life just feels pretty shitty right now. I don’t know how to handle it all.

Haven’t cried myself to sleep in a while, so I guess it’s long overdue. Goodnight.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 136 - 01/01/18

Updates:

• I graduated college.

• I got a boyfriend who is super cool and knows about the herpes.

• I’m currently dying. I took the Valtrex (valacyclovir) I was prescribed and it’s giving me alllllll the side effects. I thought I was hungover but it’s definitely the medication. I threw up blue liquid (probably water and the blue Valtrex pills). I’m nauseous as fuck. I have intermittent stomach pain. I just had slight diarrhea. This sucks.

Other that that, life is great.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 107 - 12/02/17

What a roller coaster of emotion.

Currently, I’m great. Graduation is in 2 weeks. I’ll be done with school, which will be one less thing to worry about.

I just met a guy, and he’s pretty great. Cute, sweet, funny, and he knows about the herpes. Actually it’s funny because I met him on Day 71, which if you read my post from that day it was shitty. That night, I mentioned the herpes and he said something really nice. I don’t remember because I was drunk, but I know it happened lol.

Well, we have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks. It’s crazy. I’m still a little shook lol.

Shitty part is that I’m scared I’ll give him herpes. I would hate for that to happen. But the fucking medication is expensive and I have 3 left. Soooooo that sucks hahaha.

We’ll see where this goes. Regardless, I’m in a great place mentally. It gets a lot easier with time, 8 times out of 10 I forget I even have it.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 71 - 10/28/17

The butt of the joke.

I always knew herpes would come up at some point to be the butt of a joke. I tried to prepare myself for it. “No big deal, it’s funny.”

It’s not funny. It’s a fucking stigma and it hurts. People are fucking ignorant and I hate them for it. I resent them. Fuck them.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 49 - 10/06/17

I’m okay again. Hahahaha.

Except I just saw a trailer for Future Man on Hulu and it irks the shit out of me that they’re making herpes a joke.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 47 - 10/04/17

And just like that, my emotions are fucked up again.

For the first time, the herpes is fucking me over. Someone who I used to have feelings for a few years back told me over the weekend that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. Granted, we were both drunk but the feelings were there. I had no idea he felt that way and I was so shocked. But at the same time, I was so excited. I have been craving a relationship for so long and then he comes along and gets my hopes up.

But we had a sober conversation after, and he said that at some point over the summer he was feeling like this but he pulled back after I told him about the herpes. We decided to try this dating thing, and not even 48 hours later it’s not gonna work out. And I can’t help but think that it’s because of the herpes. He said he was cool with it, but part of him didn’t wanna get herpes. So I can’t think of anything else other than the herpes getting in the way.

This fucking sucks. We somewhat have a history of him fucking with my emotions and treating me like shit, but I don’t resent him for any of that. But this really fucking hurts.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 33 - 09/20/17

I lied about lying. I’m great. Hahahaha

Things are back to “normal”. I don’t even think about it anymore. I think I could talk about it casually if it ever comes up.

It took some time, but I think I’ve actually come to terms with it now. It’s actually been a good solid week or two since I’ve been okay with it all. I actually forgot I had this blog, because I forget sometimes that I have herpes.

I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t get outbreaks. *knocks on wood*

Life goes onnnnnn~

[myhsv2journey]

Day 11 - 08/29/17

I lied. I'm not okay. It's too soon.

Got tested again. And it was positive. Again. Patrick and Spencer really got my hopes up. I tried to not be too hopeful, but I try to be positive and hope for the best. Spencer planted the seed that it could be a "false positive" and Patrick was really hopeful.

I don't know. I just wanna move away and live in isolation.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 7 - 08/26/17

It's one of my best friend's birthdays. She wants me to drink and have fun, but I can't. I don't think any of my friends understand what I'm going through. "It's not that bad. A lot of people have herpes. You'll be okay." No. That's not the point. It's the disappointment in myself that I put myself in a position that made me contract it. I'm so disappointed and ashamed. No one understands that. I just read the "Day 1" post and it made me tear up. It's so fucking shitty. Like yeah, I can live life normally but knowing that I have herpes is so fucking shitty. Shitty. As. Fuck.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 6 - 08/25/17

Getting tested again, but at a different place. Just to get a second opinion. I've been feeling pretty at ease this past week, except the first couple of days. I'm surprised how well I've taken this situation. But I see it as a silver lining. I'll be more careful (if I even become sexually active with someone) and it'll just mean I have to find someone who will love me regardless of this affliction. Patrick got tested and his came back negative, so I'm just waiting on Spencer's results. I'm really curious as to how Patrick is negative though since he we probably the most recent partner I've had. Regardless, I'm just happy they both took it so well.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 3 - 08/20/17

I finally told Spencer. He took it so much better than I thought, I almost cried from relief, happiness and out of pure comedy because I was preparing myself for the worst. It was probably the best outcome possible for this situation. I also told Patrick. He seemed a little more bummed about it, but he took it pretty well too. They're both gonna go get tested. I'm hoping for the best outcome, whatever makes sense. I've somewhat come to terms with it. I don't sleep around, so it's not gonna affect my life. If anything, it'll change my life for the better. It's gonna make me more careful and safe about things. It'll make whatever dating I do (if I date at all) more about the emotional connection than just sex.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 2 - 08/19/17

Well. I have it. There's no denying it. I gotta live with it, it's gonna be a part of my life. I did forget about it often today because of work. So maybe since school is starting, I'll be able to keep my mind off of it. But the worst part is having to tell the two partners I've had this past year. One is depressed and one I really fucking care about. Both conversations are gonna suck, but they need to happen.

[myhsv2journey]

Day 1 - 08/18/17

<p>I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize while I was ending my lunch break. I answered as usual with a cheerful tone. </p> <p>“Hi, Kevin. This is Theresa, your physician. I told you I would give you a call if there was anything positive about your test results…”</p> <p>Oh shit. After that, I was just in autopilot. I answered the questions and she broke the news to me. </p> <p>“You tested negative on everything, except herpes.”</p> <p>Wait. What?</p> <p>I felt like I was hit by a bus. I was so blindsided by this. I have never shown a single symptom, and I can still count my sexual partners on both hands. How fucking unlucky am I?</p> <p>I ended the call, ran to the bathroom because I felt sick, but I just looked at myself in the mirror. What. The. Fuck. </p> <p>I went back to work. I thought about it the whole time. Is my life ruined? Is there a point to dating? I’m gonna be lonely forever. I will literally die with herpes. That’s crazy. </p> <p>Called back just to see if I could narrow my window down, but apparently this was the first herpes test I’ve had. No possible way of narrowing it down to a particular person. Fuck my life. </p> <p>I spent the next several hours Googling and wallowing. Why did this have to happen to me? What am I supposed to do now?</p> <p>After a few hours, I said “fuck it”. Life is too short to have to worry about it. A lot of other people have it, so it’s not that big of a deal. Right?</p>