A moment in time... introducing Eley B
Another of our blog contributors is Eley B. One could say she is the Samantha Jones of the group, or as we affectionately call her ‘Experimental Eley’. She is the adventurous member of our group. Footloose and fancy free, she will try what most of us only think or fantasise about. But firstly we would like to introduce her properly. Eley B the woman, in her own words.
A Moment In Time…. Introducing Eley B
So it was that day I ended the 9 year relationship with the father of my two young children. I was angry, I was so angry at him for not coming through for me, for the kids. I was angry at myself for not being able to support him. I was angry at myself for questioning what I had done, in that moment was the very thing I needed to do, to keep my kids safe and secure the same for me. The very thing I had been tossing up and down, around and in circles for the past 3 years of the relationship.
That was nearly 2 and half years ago. I can say with confidence and ease that I made the right decision. However, the journey has by no means been easy-overhauling one’s life.
I miss the family unit that could have been, the togetherness, the connectedness of the 4 of us, working together for the ultimate goal of living a happy and healthy life.
So……now it’s me and my kids, and the stable, safe and loving environment, I am trying to create for them, oh and sustain. Some days I feel right on track, I feel resourceful, powerful, in control and organised. Other days I wonder what the fuck is going on, can I do better, what am I doing wrong, why this and why that.
I am a Mum……I’m the mother, I’m mummy, oh and not forgetting I am the father, dad, negotiator, career, supporter, cleaner, organiser, blah blah blah. I am also trying to find myself within myself. Spiritually, sexually, emotionally and physically…..a road that actually can be a lot more challenging than say, getting two kids fed, dressed, to school, me to work, food on the table, a roof over heads and two kids in bed safe at night happy.
So for the sake of this blog and a dominant theme in my life, everyone is a reflection of oneself (apparently)…….over the past 2 and a half years I have met many aspects of myself, some awesome, some not so awesome. I’ve had experiences and formed memories that either make me smile or make me cringe, all the while as I continue to strive for something. Is that something…experiences? Memories?, or is it a sexual bucket list, a soul mate, a spiritual practice, or a void that I’m trying to fill, a void that I may never fill…….the answer……I don’t know, some days I know, some days I haven’t got a clue.
Today I want more, I want to get right in the thick of experiencing something sensual, something mind tingling and body tantalising. I want the whole deal. I want to be touched, to be kissed to be taken and be took. Yesterday I couldn’t even fathom sharing anything of me- mind, body or soul let alone having anybody near me with the intention of becoming intimate. So my days of emotions related to life…. sex, money and romance are to say the least, up and down. In short some days I want the whole package of man and relationship, some days I just want the man and then others, I could slap a man lol.
I have been on a number of ‘dating sites’ (generally those known for one thing) and participated to the fullest. There’s part of me that is proud of my behaviour. I think why the fuck not, I am a women, a sexual women with desires, with needs, with wants, and with a bucket list of fantasies to fulfil. The other side asks are my behaviours nurturing enough for my soul as its not gentle actions or providing me with a safe space to really feel and explore into my sexual body and being.
So the plumber came today for a leaking hot water system (a paradox for how I feel sometimes), he sounded hot on the phone. God my mind wondered to the hope that he was. We’d flirt and end up having sex on the bed….hot sex. My heart wondered to the deep wanting of my soul mate, someone I can be myself with, someone I can share and create with. My mind however thought, I want to come on someone’s face, I want them to lick my nipples and make me arch my back. Sadly the plumber wasn’t hot and he was married and came to do a job and that job had nothing to with me and my sexual fantasies.
I flitter in and out of wanting my heart to be burst open with love, support and a tender touch. Someone who wants to explore my reality, discover all the untouched parts of my body and mind, delve right into my soul and surround me with acceptance and love. The other part of me thinks hahaha what a load of shit that it absolutely isn’t what I want right now. I have no room, no patience, no desire to allow anybody in my fanny let alone my heart and life. I suppose this is a reflection of how some days we feel needy, some days we feel the opposite.
So I’m hoping through this blog, you’ll get to know me. I’m me…..a complex person who at times feels liberated and free, at other times imprisoned and isolated by my own thoughts.
Luv Eley B










