Not Just A Microwave Joke

I'm Mike, 30, He/they pronouns. Libra who hates fall, Gay™. Instagram: Mikerowavables

[mykwalsh]

Why was I a fucking loser who got a theater degree lol I need a new career path

[mykwalsh]

Gavin Creel has been dead for a year.....I don't really understand how we lost that magic man so young, he deserved so much more.

[mykwalsh]

Why is there so much anguish involved in being a person

[mykwalsh]

I never post on here anymore but just needed a place to say

Seeing a lot of people downplay how bad COVID-19 was in its earliest days and that will not be tolerated. 15 people in my building died of COVID. I walked by refrigerated morgues on the sidewalk any time I needed to go to the grocery store. My colleague, Nick Cordero, died in slow motion of COVID and left behind a newborn kid. We went from cautious to dire in 3 weeks, from 1 person dying in 2 weeks of confirmed cases to 800+ people PER DAY in New York dying from the virus. It was like being at war.

People are saying those numbers were "inflated" and that COVID was a hoax to see how much we would comply with the government. FUCK you. Any New Yorker that stayed in the city during the early days of the pandemic knows exactly how bad it was and you do NOT get to tell us it didn't happen. Karma will come for you.

[mykwalsh]

The man I thought might be the love of my life and I broke up yesterday.

We hugged and cried for hours. We love each other and yet there are things about us that at a fundamental level arent going to work.

I miss him already. I wish I could have changed for him. I am so sad.

[mykwalsh]

I am almost 100% sure nobody will see/read this, but I need to get it out someplace

I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel so disconnected from my self and from the world around me. I feel like I lost myself during the pandemic and I've never found me again.

I miss performing, but I don't miss being broke. I want to work, but I don't have the energy to do like, anything. I'm burned out. I feel constantly like in my current career I'm, instead of teaching dialects or theater, am having to teach this generation empathy and manners? I also feel like acting was kind of the opposite of teaching, and I was better suited to acting than to teaching.

But on top of that I feel like I have no friends and nobody cares about me. Despite having a boyfriend, despite interacting with others on a daily basis, I have this awful underlying feeling that none of the people I see regularly would blink an eye if I dropped dead tomorrow. I don't even know where that feeling is coming from other than I feel so constantly on the defensive in my daily life lately--I don't feel like I can thrive.

I don't really know what to do. I'm depressed beyond a level I thought was possible. It's crippling. The waves of complete and total dread come out of absolutely nowhere and just put me in my bed for DAYS. I feel like all of the good things I managed in my 20s don't even matter.

Despite having gotten fully back in good shape, I still feel AWFUL about myself. I can't find my libido. I feel like I don't want anybody to touch me, or to touch anybody else. Sex doesn't feel exciting for fulfilling. If anything, it feels like another expectation put upon me by the gay community which I feel hates my guts, and that expectation has turned me avoidant and sullen.

I don't recognize myself. I don't know who this person is. I don't know how to find myself again. This is beyond any crisis I can recall having. I know I need help, but I don't even know where to look-I'm in therapy, I have a psychiatrist, but this feels like I need specialized care and attention and I don't even know what it is I'm dealing with and where to begin to look for help. But good god, I cannot go on like this. I need some help. Please help.

[mykwalsh]

Okay so season 3 of white lotus is extremely creepy so far

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

[june-egbert-official]

Someone who says they don't care if dudes wear dresses and makeup is a better ally than someone who says they're a safe space for women and non-binary people. I am not joking.

[redrook]

yeah I went to a gay bar recently with my husband tumblr user beemovieerotica, and a VERY confused capital S Southerner straight man in cargo shorts and a trucker hat showed up

apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)

Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????

Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.

Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song

We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"

When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."

During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid

When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."

When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."

like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time

The person matters more than the language

[plasticpursesweetpea]

I will fuckin never not reblog this.

[errorcritical]

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[icapturedthecastle]

[prince-princess-bunny]

[ceevee5]

[reading-writing-revolution]

I wouldn't even use 45; use 34 -- the number of felonies.

[naamahdarling]

#6 tho

When I hear someone saying all is lost, for us, for for them, all I hear is someone giving up on every single person in a worse position than them.

It HURTS.

Both in a wider sense, and personally, because I am almost always more vulnerable than these people, and when I am not, I do always have loved ones who are.

I have never advocated for this before, not EVER, but:

Be very careful and extremely selective where and how and with whom you process your strongest difficult feelings. Do find an outlet, you need that, but be selective, and open to the possibility that it may look different than what you are currently doing.

I am not saying this because you should be silent, or to drive you away. I'm saying it because we are heading into a difficult (not impossible) situation that's very different anything most people from the USA have experienced before, and very different rules about how we talk about things and treat each other are going to apply.

It sucks and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm struggling with this SO MUCH. But right now you need to try, and to stand beside others, and that means not fueling their hopelessness...or causing them to push you further away because you are hurting them.

If you can't find anything to say besides something negative or hopeless, try "we are all in this together". Because it's true. And you must remember that.

We all must remember that.

[roach-works]

you're right and you should say it. the social rule in a tragedy needs to be:

support inwards, vent outwards. the able bodied should not be looking to the disabled for validation and comfort to process their emotions about the upcoming dangers, they should look to those more stable and resilient for help. the cis should not be demanding consolation from the trans. those in stronger positions have a duty to offer support to more vulnerable and endangered friends, not to add to their burdens.

it's tempting to seek validation for your fears from people who are even more endangered by the threat than you are because people less endangered could dismiss you. but people actively struggling with a problem that hasn't reached you yet need your help, not to be managing both The Problem AND Your Feelings.

[mykwalsh]

All of the munchkins were taller than her

[yeahiwasintheshit]

Listen bitches, Joe Biden can stumble out drooling with his clothes on backwards and start jerkin off mid debate and I’d still vote for him over trump. PERIODT

[catboybreeder]

Honestly I’d vote for him harder if he did do that

[mykwalsh]

The Song Of Achilles makes me fucking sob every time

[mykwalsh]

I'm going to start posting some of the poetry I write to deal w -gestures at the world around- here because I need an outlet and can't just keep it to myself anymore

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

How he looked around and lost the thing he loved most

How he sought out death, brutality, as his self-revenge

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

Who loved, lost, and never loved again

Who was so sure

His life was over

That he ended it

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

Who saw the world as it could have been

But could not cope with what it was

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

Who's beautiful music made the gods cry

Who’s story echoes over thousands of years

But I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

The human being

From love to grief incarnate

Love and tragedy and beauty

Dulcet lyres over graves

Pieces of a man in the river

Hades himself had sympathy for Orpheus

Orpheus lost sympathy for himself

He made a mistake

Sustained an injury

We all do that

How often does death take sympathy for that?

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

And of Hades

And of the truth of what it means to love

To lose

To face mortality

To bargain with death

To lose your bargain

I’ve been thinking a lot of if I were Orpheus

And people still told my story to this day

And how I tell my story to the people who care

And if I would choose my own end if I felt my story was over

Or if I would keep writing

So that people keep thinking of me

Just like

I’ve been thinking a lot of Orpheus

[mykwalsh]

Nothing like a health scare to get you ruminating on the fleetingness of life

It's been 9 years since my Nonnie died and I still don't quite understand that she doesn't live in her apartment with her weird clown collection anymore

I really don't want to die, ever, even though that's impossible. I'm fixating on this right now which is so unhealthy. But like...how do you not when you've had the thought within the last month that you might die?

When I go I want to go painlessly, surrounded by love. Not painfully, alone and scared. I hate that I'm even thinking about this at 32, but here I am. I'm still a young man! I deserve an active, healthy life. I deserve good sex, a love connection, and an illustrious career. I need to take better care of myself.

I'm glad I stopped drinking. That was necessary. I haven't had any cannabis, either, for about 2 weeks--no end in sight to introducing cannabis back in. Yoga daily, and then I need to go back to working out regularly. I don't want to give illness or injury a fighting chance against me.

Also, I'm an emotional wreck right now because I want this to be better NOW. I've done a lot of work to heal and it's definitely better but not 100%, and I want it better NOW. And I'm getting an MRI next week and I'm scared they'll find something bad (even though everyone is like 200% sure it's a herniated disc considering how acutely it came on).

I felt immortal in my 20s. Not so much now.

[mykwalsh]

You know when you see someone you fell in love with and who fell in love with you for the first time in years and all of a sudden all those feelings come rushing back and it leaves you with such an aching heart and you just want to scream because you desperately want to be with this person, because you both still love each other, but your lives and the things you want out of life just aren't in line with each other and you don't live in the same state or even the same time zone and it just makes you ache in your entire body

...yeah, me either I guess

[mykwalsh]

I don't think a lot of you understand how deeply anti-semitic you are and how you're throwing it around with your whole chest now that Israel is doing something objectionable

It is really one thing to criticize the Israeli government but saying that Israeli people deserve to be murdered or that their murders matter less than the murders of Palestinians because the government has committed crimes is incredibly anti-semitic

This idea of zionism being synonymous with Israeli people is also anti-semitic

Also, Hamas knew what would happen if they bombed Israel--they threw their own people under the bus in order to make a political statement and murder civilians and you all seem to think that's justified because of the Israeli government's treatment of Gaza then you are severely lacking in empathy and critical thinking skills, not to mention proudly wearing anti-semitism with your whole chest. Both Hamas and Israel are throwing their citizens into dire straits. On the surface, you're right that Israel's treatment of Palestinians is abominable and has been going on for longer, but now people whose only objective was to survive-Israelis, Palestinians, anybody else occupying the lands of Israel and Palestine-have been thrown in the middle of a war where they will be used as collateral. If you are taking sides about which citizens deserve to die more, you are as bad as the Israeli government and as Hamas.