It's almost 6am on a Saturday...I should still be sleeping but I've been longing to write my heart out for months now.
To say that this year has been the best, I would be lying to you. I have fallen apart, dealt with pain , healed, got back up and went back to being the beautiful mess that I am and then fell apart again. Lol. The cycle has been vicious! But throughout the topsy turvy of this year, I have learned some really tough but important and precious lessons.
For a very long time I always you used to say, " I hate crying."
For me , I felt as though crying was a sign of weakness and I wasn't about to let anyone see that I can be weak at times. Even when I'd be alone and the tears would start filling up my eyes , I'd tell myself to get it together immediately!
And then the most wonderful thing happened, I had a conversation with myself one day and I asked, "Kay...why do you think God gave us as humans the ability to cry?" The conversation continued with , "I mean even Jesus cried...but did that make him weak? No, it simply meant that he was human"
I was shook ( I can be pretty profound at times ya'll better appreciate me lol ) and from that moment on, I honestly and fully allowed myself to cry whenever the need arises. See, I have now starting seeing crying as a sign of strength but also a form of release and healing. Vulnerability is beautiful. That's something you must take time to understand. Don't let society tell you that having a heart of stone is what's right. No. I have come to understand that being vulnerable even with myself that I've been able to see alot of areas that I need to work on in my life to be a better human for myself FIRST AND FOREMOST and then be a better human to others.
Now this was a tough one. Sometimes in life we don't take time to TRULY appreciate the people that are by our side, loving us, praying for us and cheering us on through everything. This is year I learned to honestly love people beyond their flaws. As humans we are perfectly imperfect. When a person SHOWS you that they love you and care about you don't be a prick about it. Understand that there's something they see in you. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships even just a good ol' friendship. Not everyone is trying to get in your bed. There are some humans who GENUINELY want to be your friends and that's it.
When we speak of growth it's not referring to height or body weight , we're talking about personal development. Growth is such a vital but difficult thing to go through and it's not just a once off thing...it's constant journey that we go on. Sometimes in order for us to grow we have to move away from the things and people that aren't adding to our growth. We drift apart at times as friends or lovers and what I've learned is that sometimes it's a sign that growth needs to take place. Oh and by the way, I am not a motivational speaker or psychologist or anything like that. I'm really just a young woman who is constantly learning, growing, making mistakes and fixing my wrongs.
The best gift you can ever give yourself is the chance to GROW. So much changes (as it should) but trust me the outcome is BEAUTIFUL.
If you're reading this today it means you're alive and that my friend is something to always be grateful for. If this year hasn't taught you to be grateful then I don't know. Every single day of this year we've been hearing bad news. Millions of people have died this year. From the pandemic, others were shot dead for simply being of a specific race, others took their own lives. If you are alive TODAY, you've seen every sunrise that we've had this year then you need to be more grateful. Be grateful for your family, your job, your friends, the roof over your head, the food on your plate, the clothes on your back. Be grateful for EVERYTHING. It hasn't been an easy year for any of us but I'll say this again, the fact that you are alive means you have so much to be thankful for.
Lastly, I hope the years 2021 and beyond are better than this year that we've all been traumatized by. May all our prayers, hopes and dreams come to pass. May we heal from all the pain that we've experience and may we be able to deeply love ourselves and those around us ❤️
Thank you for reading this! I am always grateful for you taking the time to do so.