Nothings impossible.. but some shit be feelin like it.
9:53pm on a Tuesday afternoon, and there’s 10,000 things on my mind. Where to start is the most puzzling question at this moment. Do we go Love? Do we go finances? Do we go in tha room, turn the lights out and not discuss any of this shit at all? Na… too easy. Only thing I’ve ever really known how to be in my writing is transparent. The walls seem to be closing in. This shit might feel like a group of random thoughts.. and it kinda is, but stay with me. I didn’t intend to come here and be super poetic or introspective tonight (although one might call this introspection). That isn’t what my heart is telling me to do. Just tryna get some shit off that has been extremely heavy. Fuck it, let’s go love first. It puzzles me sometimes that though I’ve fucked with hella women in my lifetime, I’m left with no one. And it’s not to say that any of them were MY one… it’s more so realizing that throughout the years, I’ve failed to choose love properly. Like what the fuck? Nobody? Even though I wouldn’t consider myself to be too old at the age of 37, it’s feels like it’s too late. It just FEELS like it. Can you feel it too? Love doesn’t feel as magical as it once did. As of late, tha Love stories are usually followed by tales of infidelity. Am I trippin? I feel like most of us are suffocating in a cloud of unrealistic expectations. I no longer feel like I can go to the corner store and run into the love of my life. Instagrams have replaced phone #’s. Ran into a bad lil joint a few weeks ago. Of course, I’m already programmed to ask for her handle cause it just feels a little less invasive. Rush home to see what’s goin on with shorty, and it’s exactly what I feared. She’s an influencer. 12,000 followers, following 900. I don’t bother. Idk man. One of my dreams was to have a loving wife, and a house full of love. I think I might’ve fucked that up way earlier than I realize chat. Shit just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I’m afraid I just can’t connect. One more thing before I go. I’m not sure what I want anymore. The things I once loved don’t seem to mean as much. I wonder what changed? I’m always daydreaming about exploring other shit. Sometimes it leaves me feeling lost. Some of the things I once loved became my identity. Now that the mask is halfway off, who will I be when it falls completely? Sometimes I get emotional, because I understand my gifts, and I never believed that there would ever possibly be a world in which my gifts didn’t reach the masses. That’s when I have to remind myself.. a star is still a star, even when it’s behind a cloud. It’s discouraging when I look over the course of my life, and realize maybe.. just MAYBE.. I mishandled some of the most important parts.














