LifeWithAsperger

[unbfacts]

Stephen Wiltshire, an autistic savant who draws detailed landscapes from memory, now has his own gallery in London and a 250-foot long panoramic drawing of New York displayed at JFK Airport.

[mylifewithasperger]

Going to admit I'm more than a little obsessive about this, according to the World Health Organization washing your hands has been proven to be nine times more effective in stopping the spread of the Flu than Vaccines.

NINE TIMES!

Imagine how Fucking effective it would be if we did both?

WASH YOUR FILTHY FUCKING HANDS!

[mylifewithasperger]

Jay's adventure

Thanks go to Jay for this, I met Jay years ago while being tested for Autism, I'm much further along the spectrum than him and I tend to direct questions toward him if I'm confused by what the humans around me are doing and why.

For the last six years Jay has worked as a Security Guard, he enjoys it because everything is codified, no need for him to make a decision as everything is already laid out in black and white.

He posted this earlier this year and I asked to share it.

This is his adventure.

--

Had a stressful day this week.

One of the officers called in sick, *cough* *cough* I have a back ache kinda crap.

So I run in to cover it, turns out he called out because they were having a 'shine a light on Autism' day, complete with media, politicians and seven kids that are so far over on the spectrum scale it's not even funny.

They had no damn business pulling these kids out into this kind of circus, worse though, the specialist that was supposed to be on hand to help the kids was a no show.

The parents were worse than useless, mainly because parents that know what they are doing don't bring kids that far over on the spectrum into situations like this.

One little girl had mittens duct taped to her hands because she scratched her neck to the point of bleeding when she was stressed.

And their response was to duct tape mittens on her rather than NOT TAKE HER TO A MEDIA CIRCUS LIKE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT!

Anothe decided that her son just needed to watch his favorite show, general hint, if your kid is hiding behind a potted plant holding his ears and rocking himself I would suggest you NOT drag him out and try to shove a flashing loud kids show in his face, it doesn't help the situation to add MORE stimuli to him.

It was like watching a dark mirror of everything I've worked hard to avoid all wrapped up in a loud, obnoxious package and shoved in my face.

Fortunately it snowed on Sunday and I had my sleeping gear out in the truck, a quick trip out and I had a brand new fluffy pillow that I use when sensory overload happens, I usually keep a subtle lavender or mint scent buried deep in the stuffing, this time it was lemongrass and citrus.

Shoving the pillow into the knee well of the security desk I knelt down next to one of the kids who was having a bad time and had been wrenching his thumb back and forth as he knelt near one of the lobby chairs.

I drummed my fingers on the chair rest until I had his attention before pointing to the desk, rules were simple, he could go under there to get away but once he heard the beep (a monitor system did an automatic check every ten minutes) he had to let the next child in.

Very quickly they had a system in place, they knew that there was somewhere they could go and who was next.

It was still rough, but they were avoiding the meltdowns because they had a system.

Worked pretty well too, for about ninety minutes, then one of the mothers decided she needed her son to have a photo op with the mayor.

Well he was already under the desk, you would think she could wait until after he managed to calm himself down before she shoved him next to a person he didn't know and let a bunch of people stare at him and take photos.

You would think.

When I pointed out that she needed to wait the bitch puffed up like an angry toad and told me not to tell her how to raise her child.

So she dragged him out.

His time wasn't up, this obviously broke the system that was in place and as anyone with two active brain cells could have predicted he hit the damn roof.

Not only did he hit the roof so did the next child, because the system was broken and she wasn't able to rationalize what that meant for her.

And the bitch looks at me as her son screams and thrashed and says "he'll get over it."

And I look around, at the mayor and politicians, the reporters, the chief of police, literally right next door to the Jail and realize that I'm about to lose my job and get my ass arrested.

Because I'm about to knock her out.

In law it's known as mens rea, the 'criminal intent' the fact that you know and acknowledge something is a crime but fully intend to do it anyway.

No he damn well won't 'get over it' that's not how it works.

So yeah, I'm about to earn a 'battery on a female' charge and she's about to have her jaw wired shut.

And I am perfectly okay with this decision.

Into this moment flounces one of the most over the top queer (his description of himself) little men you ever will see, fabulous in fuchsia and five four if he's an inch the Autism specialist had arrived.

I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure what they were paying him, but he damn well earned every penny, even as he hit every single stereotype you could imagine he managed to intercept the cow, get the kid back where he could calm down and immediately began working to keep the circus as far away from the kids as possible.

Had he been two hours earlier the whole thing would have gone off without a hitch, what he had planned was easily a hundred times better than what I managed to jury rig up, but instead of insisting that 'His' system be used, he jumped right in and began building on the system that the kids already had.

Thankfully my relief arrived soon after and I managed to head home, I'm putting in a request for 'emergency work' compensation though, I damn well did not sign up for that.

It was disturbing though, watching the physical and emotional signals that I could recognize in myself, that I've worked so hard to compensate for, bury or blend into the rest of my 'public character' all right there, and none of the 'parents' seemed to give a damn.

--

Thanks Jay for letting me share.

[mylifewithasperger]

Hurt

One of the worst things about Asperger's syndrome is how we hold on to the hurt.

Things that other people can easily get over we run over and over in our heads trying to figure out what went wrong and if it was our fault.

And it always hurts.

Always.

An example of this would be 'the party', when I was seventeen I was the super awkward loner teenager, teachers liked me because I read the books and had serious questions, and everyone else ignored me unless they needed help with their school work.

Looking back on it now I can tell that they were using me, to be honest I was aware that they were using me at the time too, I was just... so happy to know where I fit in when they needed help.

I had a place, even if it was only for a little while.

I don't like social events, I don't know where I belong in them, there are too many humans and nobody will explain the rules to me.

When I was sixteen though my brother's invited me to a party.

I was nervous, scared and hated the idea, but I knew that I needed to try and figure out a way to be social or I would never 'fit in'

So I got dressed in some of my brother's hand-me-down dress clothes, wrangled my hair into some sort of order and got into the car.

The hour long drive was spent trying to form some kind of plan or structure that I could use so I wouldn't get overwhelmed as Iistened to Jacob and James talk about their friends.

Friends, I never really thought about how much that particular word hurt.

When we got there they had about twenty cars parked outside, and music was already blaring...

And Jacob turned around, handed me the keys and said "there's a bookstore about half a mile down the road, we're going to need you to pick us up around two because we plan on getting shitfaced."

And then they left.

I hadn't been invited to the party, I was a convenient driver.

That hurt, it's hard to put into words how crushing that was for me.

I don't remember driving but the next memory I had was standing in front of a closed and locked Borders book store, everything in the town closed up at 5 with 'late night' things staying open until nine.

The bookstore was not one of those things.

I spent seven hours sitting in the parking lot, watching the clock on the dash tick by, I know, in the back of my head that a normal person would have said 'fuck it' and gone home, leaving them to find their own way.

Having Asperger's that's not something I can do, my brother's needed to be picked up at two.

So I sat, and waited.

I considered seeing if I could scrounge up enough money for a cheeseburger at the McDonald's, but I didn't even have fifty cents to my name.

So I sat, and rolled the nights events over and over in my head, trying to figure out what I missed and if it was my fault.

I had gone over it to the point I was sick by the time two A.M. rolled around, so I drove back to the party, the cars were gone, the house was dark, and after fifteen minutes of knocking I finally had a drunk, hung over guy in a vomit covered shirt tell me that Jacob and James had both left hours ago with everyone else when they decided to go to the lake.

I'm not good at being abandoned, I'm not always clear on what I'm supposed to do.

So I got in the car and drove home, I had to pull over twice to try and collect myself because I couldn't see through the tears.

When I finally made it home my mom, who was seven months pregnant was in the kitchen making herself a sandwich, she smiled asked if I had fun and then waddled off into her bedroom to eat and finish watching whatever sitcom she had on...

I spent the weekend hiding in the attic, Jacob and James came staggering in late Sunday night and tried to sleep off the weekend before class the next morning.

I tested out of high school the next day, had my diploma mailed to me and spent the rest of my teens working on computers at night.

I didn't speak to my brother's for nearly five years after that.

I think the worst part is, they don't even remember it.

It's been nearly two decades, and it still hurts.

[katswenski]

Crispin cannot be trusted. (Gif courtesy of Cole & Marmalade!)

[katswenski]

We all struggle to be a good boy sometimes.  My website – My Instagram – See me on Webtoon!

[mylifewithasperger]

Please Don’t Touch!

I do not like to be touched, I understand that this is a very common facet of Autism, not all of them, but for many physical contact is hard, and explaining  the reason for not liking it is just as hard to put into words.

The simple fact is that I don’t like to be touched, please respect this fact, to the Aunts and Female friends of my mother, Hugging me will not get me ‘used to it’, it will simply make me avoid you.

As the Llama said in ‘The Emperors New Grove’ 

No Touchy! NOOOooOOO Touchy!

I can shake hands with someone in a professional setting, but asking for more than that is too much for me and I have to physically stop myself from wiping my hand after the handshake (Some people find that insulting, I have learned this over the years.)

My work site has recently hired a young man that is openly and flamboyantly homosexual.

Good for him.

His sexuality was his own, so long as he could do the job and be professional I don’t care if the company hires a Mule with a lisp, one mans interest in another mans genitalia has nothing to do with me.

Until it does.

He apparently found me attractive.

Thanks.

Anyone finding me attractive is appreciated, But I’m not interested. Thank you anyway.

This wasn’t a knee jerk reaction, I took time to consider the situation, he was a good looking young man, he groomed himself well and he took time to be direct about what he wanted.

I appreciate that, but i’m not interested.

I was reasonably sure that I was clear, apparently not. 

Over the last week he’s spent more time trying to flirt with me than working, this gets the bosses angry at not just him, but at me as well, because apparent I am responsible for him doing his job now.

Now he’s started touching me, placing his hand on my elbow, and leg and rubbing y shoulder.  I understand that he is interested, this has been explained to me.

But don’t touch me, 

I don’t care if a female says it, I don’t care if a Male says it, I don’t care if a child says it.

Do Not Touch!

I know we don’t communicate well, but please listen.

[mylifewithasperger]

Emergency Contact

When I was 14-ish I filled out an application for a job, and it had this odd question that kinda stumped me.

'Emergency Contact Number'

so I asked and it was explained that 'In the event, I was hurt or injured this was who I wanted the workplace to call.'

easy to understand right?

THIRTEEN YEARS LATER! my dumb ass realizes that '911' was not what they were looking for.

This was my Asperger moment.

[mylifewithasperger]

Don’t give Hints

Guys like to say “I don’t get subtle hints” and for me this is very true, but it’s not clear enough, so let me be perfectly clear. People with Asperger/Autism Do NOT GET HINTS!

I JT Do NOT Get Hints, not Subtle Hints, not Clear Hints, not Obvious Hints, I DO NOT Get Hints!

Let me give you an example, this is an actual conversation I had with my mother as we drove.

Them: “You know what, I like Pizza”

Me: “Yeah, Pizza is good”

Them: “Pizza Hut has good Pizza”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve eaten a lot of Papa Johns, but Pizza Hut is good.”

Them: “I like their stuffed crust Pizza”

Me: “Yeah, I’m glad I live in a time with that, the world was a much dark place before.”

Them: “You know there’s a Pizza Hut up ahead.”

Me: “Hmmm, Not a lot of them on my way in to work, I may have to stop there sometime when I have money.”

So I made a note of where it was as I passed and continued towards home.

Them: “are you going to stop?”

Me: “For what?”

Them: “I’ve talked about Pizza for a while, are we going to stop?”

Me: “I Hadn’t planned on it, We’ve talked about Tattoo’s, Concerts and Cars too.  Do you want to get a Tattoo?”

Them: “No”

Me: “Do you want to shop for cars?”

Them: “Of course not.”

Me: “Is there a concert you are interested in?”

Them: “Were you even going to ask me?”

Me: “Do you want to go to a concert?”

Them: “About the Pizza”

Me: Do you want a Pizza?”

Them: “We’ve passed it now, just go home.”

Me: “Okay.”

And then there was this weird silent dynamic going on after that which I missed entirely until I got home and asked a friend online about the situation, apparently I violated some social dynamic or other, which is strange because “Hey I would like a Pizza, can we stop up ahead” would have been far clearer and made sure there was no misunderstanding. Please, I am begging you, if you know someone in the spectrum, don’t go with subtle.

[anger----issues]

[mylifewithasperger]

My Life With Asperger Syndrome

Greetings world, I am JT, and I am using this to increase my communications skills as best I can, so first, some back history.

In 1996 at the age of 13 I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome.

For those that are unaware, Asperger Syndrome is a ‘High Functioning’ form of Autism, I was considered borderline between Aspergers and Autism, due to a rather stunted development in my verbal communication.

Since then Asperger Syndrome has been folded into the Autism Spectrum Disorder umbrella, the official reason is long and convoluted, but the more probable reason is due to childish people snickering like idiots and giggling at the idea of an ‘Ass-Burger’ like they are some comedic genius.

*Sigh*

Back to the issue at hand, as an adult I have seen the rise of public awareness of Autism, the help and acknowledgement of the issues young children and adult are dealing with and the effort put in to assisting them in finding their place in the world, every now and then I feel a slight pang of anger at having to work through them on my own growing up before I ruthlessly crush the envy and feel happy that there’s help these days.

 I have battled my way through the education and work life of an average adult with most people assuming that I am just quiet and ‘Weird’, I battled my way through to earn myself A Bachelors degree, worked hard and for a brief time lived on my own, a fact that I took great pride in before I had to move back home to help my parent out in their old age 

(Hint avoid depending on people with Autism/Asperger for help on things liek old age)

No my verbal communication is still poor, it’s better than it was but I am still the quiet, weird person that I have always been.

I’m also just as lost when it comes to relationships as I have always been, I doubt this will change and I have resigned myself to existing alone.

One of the things I have discovered over the years is that I can communicate through writing far better than I ever have been able to in the real world (I still suck at Punctuation and have a bad habit of random capitalization of letter while I write, I have put considerable effort into not doing it but it’s just something that I am unable to resolve.) even with those problems though it is still better than speaking, which tends to be me being mute or repeating one of a half dozen stories that I know.

As such I have decided to try and write down and share some of my stories, I probably won’t post often, but I will try to be consistent.