My Life With Billy

Ah Billy. Billy is my analogy in life. Billy takes part in every example I use with my kids and is the persona for one of the worst employees known to mankind. I leave work on a daily basis...bewildered and at a loss for words. Headaches and confusion are daily events. As I drive home, I wonder if there is any possible way that I could share my life with Billy with others, without anyone at work knowing and then feeding the rumor mill. I think this is it. My plan is to share all aspects of Billy. Billy from stories, Billy from my past, and Billy from work. I hope you enjoy my stories, my analogies, and most of all, my pain.

[mylifewithbilly]

I'm not late because I stopped at Starbucks, I'm late because of traffic."

Billy

[mylifewithbilly]

[mylifewithbilly]

Numbers Are Hard

Billy is my Training Coordinator.  Billy has a handful of tasks and responsibilities, one of which is to grade knowledge objective-based tests for certain positions in our organization.

Billy recently graded one of our tests which has 15 questions on it.  All of the questions are equally weighted.  The person taking the test got 14 out of 15 correct.  When I reviewed the test, I saw that Billy had given them a 90% and documented this grade in the person’s training record.  I placed a post-it note on the test which read “I do not believe the grade is correct.  Can you please double check it and let me know what you find?”  I place the note and test on Billy’s chair so they easily find it when they come back from lunch.

The next day I ask Billy about the test.  “There is nothing wrong with it, I’m not sure what you are talking about.”   Billy then goes on to tell me it is basic math and how could I not possibly understand how the grade was derived.  So I ask Billy to show me on the white board how the grade was figured out.  

Silence.

So I used my idiotic math skills and demonstrated to Billy how I ended up with a different grade.  Billy looked at me like I was a total idiot.....”there is more than one to do it, you are just doing it YOUR way”, I was told.  So Billy steps up to the white board.....”Well you see, he got 14 out of 15 right....so right away I knew he got at least an A.  So 14 our of 15 is an A which means anywhere from a 90 to a 100.  Since there were only 15 questions, I figured he got a 90.  It’s like when I’m shopping and I want to know about how much of a discount I am going to get on something that is on sale.  If it is 10% off, I know I’m going to get about $10 off.  Besides, I don’t why you are asking me about this, the grade I put on there is correct.”

I tried to explain to Billy that math is math.  It is not a philosophy you combine with an incorrect way of determining discounts.  Math is math.  

“Well, maybe for you, but I know I’m right so it doesn't matter.”  

“You are right Billy, it doesn't matter...now please change that 90 to a 93.5 and file the test.”

[mylifewithbilly]

Welcome to my world

Billy, Billy, Billy..........

Billy has been working on a task for 40 days now.  This task is not hard.  I refuse to give Billy difficult ones because the outcome is always the same:  it blows up in my face.  This particular task is to update a document.  They are easy updates.  I have asked Billy to place this task at the top of their task list so that the 5 new trainees can access the document, follow the instructions, and have them work.  The driving force behind the change is that we have moved our OS from Solaris to Linux.  This broke a few things.  The work-arounds need to be documented for others to use.  Today, while asking about the status, I saw that Billy was working on something that as a priority, is about as low as you can go.  I asked if the document update was done....to which the fact that it was not done was vehemently defended.  Apparently, to my surprise, that fact that it was NOT done was actually my fault.  If I, along with others would have caught the fact that the change in OS would have broken some of our processes and noted it 2 months ago, then this task would not be late.  So no, it is not done and it is NOT late.  Say what?  Sooooooo it's my fault that this document doesn't work now.....and it is not late.........wtf?  

Billy, Billy, Billy........