The Day I Became A Man
The day i became a man was the day i forced my heart to stop beating and whispered goodbye under my breath. I took on the chainmail of insensitivity as i watched every glance and every smile directed at me. My feet stayed frozen without movement as familiar shadows attempted to walk towards me. My eyes hazed, i saw only mists of my desire to be better than you. To do better than you. To be more cunning, more scheming, wiser than you. I looked around, explored, and found that i could be as desirable as you. If you can fool around, then i can do so with much more intensity, and lunacy to boot. I decided to compete with your conquests. i discovered what my mouth and the mound in between my legs can do to lure unsuspecting victims to the trap that was me. I can ensnare, i can capture. I can be the testosterone-personified alpha that you are. I learned that drowning men with my breasts, my body, my lips, my legs, my breath amplifies my carnal need to freaking do better than you and doing better i am. I am cold. i am numb. The heart that once ached every single time you do something to ruin yourself has already hardened itself. It still feels though. But only a sense of indifference to an already calloused and apathetic state of being. Remorse was about how i could have been better in that bed and how i just can not do it as often as i wanted to. Getting better now means getting even and getting more and getting there first. It now means i can leave someone else's bed as if i am running late for work. Absent-mindedly rushing to finish so i can get the hell out of there. Sad predicament that i wanted become a man when now i see a trail of brokenness, dirty clothes and bedsheets.But i have become a man. I have become a jerk.
