a vent

Public health nerd. IBD patient. Food blogger. Queen of sarcasm. This blog is a collection of my thoughts, feelings, and ongoing dreams as I take on a new city and the adult life.

[mymangoshapedspace]

I am doomed to be sad.

[wnq-anonymous]

The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.

Brittany Josephina (via wordsnquotes)

[mymangoshapedspace]

I should probably start blogging again for my own sanity. Just seems like it’s going to be mostly me and my cute little apartment for the next two years.

okay I’m already bored bye. 

[wnq-writers]

and if i had wanted to forget i would have a long time ago

blowthecandlesoutt  (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

I am nobodies backup plan.

kj-knight  (via wnq-writers)

[mymangoshapedspace]

It’s the end of April. I’ve applied to 45 jobs already. 1 interview so 1 potential offer. But still no job. Even if I get the job, I’m away from all friends. Have to start over. No medical school for him. Long distance for another year at least. Feel like I did all this graduate school for nothing. Changed my passions around again. Feel worthless. Feel scared. Wanna hide.

[wordsnquotes]

I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.

Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane  (via wordsnquotes)

[mymangoshapedspace]

The older I get, the more selfish I want to be. I’ve realized just how important it is to invest in oneself especially at this stage in life, physically and emotionally-speaking. I’m really thankful to be in a wonderful relationship, but at the same time, I’m also really thankful for it being a long distance one. Throughout college, I was always in a relationship and I never (except for a brief 2 months in between) really got a chance to be me fully. My nature is such that if I commit myself to another person, I really do tend to put my needs and wants after theirs. And while I may be able to sustain a lifetime of happiness that way, while most others couldn’t, I’ve come to understand how nice it is to do me, the exact way I want, for as long as I want. 

As I sit here in my bedroom, feeling burnt out from a ridiculous semester of grad school, with a lengthy to-do list for this weekend, I can’t help but just want to things that make me happy. I don’t need to binge watch TV or eat a bunch of chocolate. It’s the little things like turning on my oil diffuser with an orange scent, cleaning the areas of my room that stress me out, playing my favorite romantic Bollywood playlist on Saavn, and eating a plate of comfort homemade Mexican food...all while reading my textbook on Scale Development of course. 

My point is that it’s time that I invested in myself, took care of myself, and made my mental state a priority. I’ve always strived to be the strongest person in the crowd, the most resilient and least likely to fail. In doing so, I don’t think I’ve ever let myself acknowledge when I’m actually falling and need to step back and change something. I don’t like to exhibit weakness to others...nor to myself. 

It feels good to write that out. I’m allowed to be strong, but strength also involves recognizing when I need me. 

[mymangoshapedspace]

I am stronger than I ever have been before. Stronger, happier, and most importantly, more sure of myself. We've reached the one-year milestone, and looking back, our relationship has transformed since day zero in so many ways. Neither he nor I have been immune to our own personal transformation, and together, our sense of partnership has only grown in strength. Yet, our connection still feels as young and fresh as it did the day I first met him. The obstacles that presented in the past year are no longer of issue - I have moved past any and all fear that once consumed me. Assuredly, frightening memories of pain continue to haunt me as most memories of that nature do, but I am confident that with time, they will no longer affect me. (Although I still do fantasize about what I would say or do if I ever met her in person) I'm with someone who gives me the confidence and the ease of mind to fully be myself and let go. I'm so damn lucky and I'm well aware of that. Cheers to a T-10 medical school acceptance for him and a wonderful job offer nearby for me, all in the near future.

[mymangoshapedspace]

Today I won. I am strong. And I have no need to fear.

[wnq-writers]

Time and time again I let you break my heart, I watched it happen over and over. It wasn’t because I didn’t care, I loved you so much that I’d forgive you no matter what, even if I felt pain, I wanted you to feel love, unconditionally forgiving love.

theforestsecrets (via wnq-writers)

[mymangoshapedspace]

I’m okay. She can’t hurt me. She can’t touch me. She’s not in his heart. I don’t need to obsess. I don’t need to fear. I’m okay. I am strong. Everything is okay. 

[thelovejournals]

It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life.

Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via thelovejournals)

[mymangoshapedspace]

Tu hai, mera yeh sansaar saara. You are my universe. Main aur mera pyaar saara tere hi liye hai. Me and all my love, both of them are just for you.

[mymangoshapedspace]

Na woh ankhiyaan ruhani kaheen, Neither there are those soulful eyes anywhere, Na woh chehra noorani kaheen. Nor that illuminated face anywhere.  Kaheen dil wali baatein bhi na, There are no talks of heart anywhere, Na woh sajri jawaani kaheen. Nor is that beautiful youth anywhere else. Jag ghoomeya thaare jaisa na koi. I have roamed around the world and there is no one like you.

[mymangoshapedspace]

O karam khudaya hai, It’s a divine mercy,  Tujhe mujhse milaya hai. That I have met you. Tujhpe marke hi toh, Only after falling in love with you, Mujhe jeena aaya hai, Have I learned to live.

[wnq-writers]

She doesn’t do anything in halves So when she says she loves you Believe me she does with everything in her

sweatersandlazydays (via wnq-writers)